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full groan Flashcards

(113 cards)

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1
Q

knock knock joke award

A

The no-bell prize

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2
Q

tough guy walking around the neighborhood thinking he’s got muscles …but really his nose is the biggest thing on him: he’s all nose and no body. What’s his name, ???

A

oh …now, “nobody knows”!? ;-D

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3
Q

I’m working on multiple streams of income. Most recent idea: coffins with glass tops. How do you think they’ll sell?

A

hmm… yeah …remains to be seen…

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4
Q

what did policeman say to his belly?

A

You’re under a vest!

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5
Q

why did scarecrow win award

A

he was out-standing in his field

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6
Q

why did invisible man turn down job offer?

A

He couldn’t see himself doing the job

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7
Q

why did invisible man turn down job offer?

A

He couldn’t see himself doing the job

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8
Q

why was he fired from calendar factory

A

took off too many days

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9
Q

why was he fired from calendar factory

A

took off too many days

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10
Q

how do lumberjacks keep track of how many trees they cut

A

keep a log

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11
Q

how do lumberjacks keep track of how many trees they cut

A

keep a log

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12
Q

why did painting go to jail?

A

it was framed

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13
Q

what time to go to dentist

A

just before tooth-hurty

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14
Q

best time to go to dentist?

A

just before tooth-hurty

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15
Q

why did cannibal stop eating clown?

A

tasted funny

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16
Q

why did cannibal stop eating clown?

A

tasted funny

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17
Q

why did man fall into well

A

he couldn’t see that well

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18
Q

why did man fall into well

A

he couldn’t see that well

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19
Q

why fired from bank?

A

pus

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20
Q

why did bank teller push the customer over?

A

pus

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21
Q

why did bank teller push the customer over?

A

pus

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22
Q

why did bank teller push the customer over?

A

asked to check his balance

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23
Q

why did bank teller push the customer over?

A

asked to check his balance

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24
Q

why did bank teller push the man over?

A

asked to check his balance

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25
why did bank teller push the man over?
he asked to if (s)he could check his balance
26
why did bank teller push the man over?
he asked to if (s)he could check his balance
27
what does a house wear
address
28
what does a house wear
address
29
what's red and smells like south-african spotted-blue paint?
south-african red paint
30
what's red and smells like south-african spotted-blue paint?
south-african red paint
31
why not write with broken pencil?
pointless
32
why not write with broken pencil?
pointless
33
what do pirates say on their 80th birthday?
Aye Matey
34
what do pirates say on their 80th birthday?
Aye Matey
35
what undies do clouds wear
Thunderwear
36
what undies do clouds wear
Thunderwear
37
where do you take a sick boat
The doc(k)
38
where do you take a sick boat
The doc(k)
39
mountains aren't just funny...
they're hill areas!
40
mountains aren't just funny...
they're hill areas!
41
make a water bed more bouncy?
fill it with spring water
42
make a water bed more bouncy?
fill it with spring water
43
a belt with a clock on it
a waist of time
44
a belt with a clock on it
a waist of time
45
how does an Eskimo build his house?
Igloos it (mon')
46
how does an Eskimo build his house?
Igloos it (mon')
47
what to do if you're attacked by a clown
go for the juggler
48
what to do if you're attacked by a clown
go for the juggler
49
why hold the door for a clown?
it's a nice jester
50
why hold the door for a clown?
nice jester
51
why hold the door for a clown?
nice jester
52
how do plants comfort each other
they photo-sympathize
53
how do plants comfort each other
they photo-sympathize
54
why no reservations at the library?
they're completely booked
55
why can't you make reservations at the library?
they're completely booked
56
why can't pirates play cards
always standing on the deck
57
why can't pirates play cards
always standing on the deck
58
why do traffic lights turn red
wouldn't you if you had to change in the middle of the street?
59
why do traffic lights turn red
wouldn't you if you had to change in the middle of the street?
60
why did the elevator go to the doctor
coming down with something
61
why did the elevator go to the doctor
coming down with something
62
why are elevator jokes so good
they work on so many levels
63
why are elevator jokes so good
they work on so many levels
64
what's a teacher who never passes gas in public?
a private tutor
65
what's a teacher who never passes gas in public?
a private tutor
66
what happens when the fog lifts from los angeles
UCLA
67
what happens when the fog lifts from los angeles
UCLA
68
what has four wheels and flies
a garbage truck
69
what has four wheels and flies
a garbage truck
70
why shouldn't you iron a 4-leaf clover
don't want to press your luck
71
why shouldn't you iron a 4-leaf clover
don't want to press your luck
72
how'd the inventor of ballet skirts name them?
put tu and tu together
73
how'd the inventor of ballet outfits name them?
put tu and tu together
74
why'd plumber quit?
job was too draining
75
why'd plumber quit?
job was too draining
76
why couldn't lumberjack think of a good tree-pun?
he was stumped
77
why couldn't lumberjack think of a good tree-pun?
he was stumped
78
I just learned toasters arent waterproof
I was shocked
79
I just learned toasters arent waterproof
I was shocked
80
how many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
ten ...ticles
81
how many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
ten ...ticles
82
what kind of dog do magician's own?
labracadabrador's
83
what kind of dog do magician's own?
labracadabrador's
84
a deer with no eyes?
no idea
85
a deer with no eyes?
no idea
86
what'd the buffalo say to his son before going to work?
Bi-son
87
what'd the buffalo say to his son before going to work?
Bi-son
88
why don't baby crabs share their toys?
they're shellfish
89
why don't baby crabs share their toys?
they're shellfish
90
what do you call a cow with two-left, -right, -front or -back legs?
lean beef
91
what do you call a cow with two-left, -right, -front or -back legs?
lean beef
92
a cow with no legs
ground beef
93
a cow with no legs
ground beef
94
what'd horse say when he fell?
I've fallen and I can't giddy-up
95
what'd horse say when he fell?
I've fallen and I can't giddy-up
96
why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
if they had 4 they'd be chicken sedans
97
why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
if they had 4 they'd be chicken sedans
98
why'd the pony need a drink of water
it was a little horse
99
why'd the pony need a drink of water
it was a little horse
100
my wife actually told me to stop acting like a flamingo!!
that's when I put my foot down!
101
my wife actually told me to stop acting like a flamingo!!
that's when I put my foot down!
102
why couldn't the puppies row the boat?
they needed a doggie paddle
103
why couldn't the puppies row the boat?
they needed a doggie paddle
104
two octopuses that lookalike?
Itenticle
105
two octopuses that lookalike?
Itenticle
106
where does a sick fish go?
To see the sturgeon
107
where does a sick fish go?
To see the sturgeon
108
what does Loch Ness eat?
Fish and Ships
109
what does Loch Ness eat?
Fish-n-Ships
110
where can you find a crab with no legs
exactly where you left it
111
where can you find a crab with no legs
exactly where you left it
112
a lazy kangaroo is?
a pouch potato
113
a lazy kangaroo is?
a pouch potato

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