Learning Activity 10 Flashcards
What is conflict?
- An expressed struggle between at least two
interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals.
Nature of conflict: An expressed struggle
- both parties must know that a problem exists before they’re in conflict. Up until that point, you’re in a fight “with yourself.”
- For example, you may be upset for months about a neighbor’s noisy music, but no conflict exists until the neighbor learns about the problem. You can show your displeasure nonverbally through a dirty look or the silent treatment.
Nature of conflict: Perceived incompatible goals
- All conflicts appear as if one party’s gain is another’s loss.
- As long as they perceive their goals to be mutually exclusive, the conflict will continue to exist.
Nature of conflict: perceived scare resources
- Conflicts also exist when people believe there isn’t enough of something to go around. Time is another scarce commodity. Many people struggle to meet the demands of school, work, family, and friends.
- Example, “If only there were more hours in the day,”
Nature of conflict: interdependence
- Parties in conflict are usually interdependent: The welfare and satisfaction of one depend on the actions of the other.
- The first step toward resolving a conflict is adapting the attitude that “we’re all in this together.”
Nature of conflict: interference from the other party
- A full-fledged conflict won’t occur until the participants act in ways that prevent one another from reaching their goals.
- For example, you might let some friends know that you object to their driving after drinking, but the conflict won’t escalate until you try to take away their keys.
Conflict truths: Colfict is natural
- No matter how close, how understanding, and how compatible you are, there will be times when your ideas or actions or needs, or goals won’t match.
- For example, you like rap music, but your partner likes country; you want to see other people, but your partner wants to keep the relationship exclusive.
Conflict truths: conflict can be beneficial
- Effective communication during conflicts can actually keep good relationships strong.
- People who use constructive problem-solving strategies are more satisfied with their relationships and with the outcomes of their conflicts.
Conflict styles: Avoiding
- A lose-lose conflict style in which the parties ignore the problem at hand.
- occurs when people nonassertively stay away from conflict.
- You can avoid someone physically or conversationally (changing the topic, joking, denying that a problem exists), but this approach has its costs.
Conflict styles: Accommodating
- A win-lose conflict style in which the communicator submits to a situation rather than attempting to have his or her needs met.
- Accommodating occurs when you give in to others rather than asserting your own point of view.
Conflict styles: Competing
- The flip side of accommodating is competing. This win-lose approach involves high concern for self and low concern for others.
- A win-lose approach to conflicts that seeks to resolve them in one’s own way.
Conflict styles: Compromising
- An approach to conflict resolution in which both parties attain at least part of what they wanted through self-sacrifice.
- “You win some, you lose some” in the negotiation.
Conflict styles: Collaborating
A conflict management style that seeks win-win solutions. Collaborators demonstrate a high degree of concern for themselves and others. They try to find solutions that meet everyone’s needs.
Types of aggression: Direct
- A criticism or demand that threatens the face of the person at whom it is directed.
- There are several types of direct aggression: character attacks, competence attacks, physical appearance attacks, and maledictions.
- Direct aggression can have a severe impact on the target, making a recipient feel embarrassed, inadequate, humiliated, hopeless, desperate, or depressed
Types of aggression: Passive
- An indirect expression of aggression that occurs when a communicator expresses hostility in an obscure or manipulative way
- This behaviour occurs when people have feelings of resentment, anger, or rage that they are unable or unwilling to express directly.
- Instead of keeping them to themselves, they send aggressive messages in subtle, indirect ways, thus maintaining the front of kindness.
Which conflict style to use/factors to consider: The relationship
- Relational Conflict Style: Pattern of managing disagreement that repeats itself over time in a relationship.
- When two or more people are in a long-term relationship they develop a relational conflict style or a pattern of managing disagreements that repeats itself over time.
Which conflict style to use/factors to consider: The situation
Different situations call for different conflict styles. After haggling over the price of a car for hours, it might be best to compromise and split the difference. In other cases, it may be a matter of sticking to your principle and attempting to get what you believe is right.
Which conflict style to use/factors to consider: the other person
In some cases, the other person is unwilling or can’t collaborate. Some people are so competitive that they put winning ahead of everything else. In such cases, your efforts to collaborate may have little chance of success.
Which conflict style to use/factors to consider: Your goals
Sometimes your concern may be to calm an enraged person. Accommodating an outburst from your crotchety sick neighbour, for example, is probably better than shouting back and triggering a stroke.
Conflict in relational systems: complimentary
A relational conflict style in which partners use different but mutually reinforcing behaviours.
Conflict in relational systems: Symmetrical
A relational conflict style in which both partners use the same tactics.
Conflict in relational systems: Parallel
A relational conflict style in which the approach of the partners varies from one situation to another.
Destructive conflict patterns: Criticism
- These are attacks on a person’s character.
- There’s a distinctive difference in pointing out a behaviour you dislike and presenting it as an assault on the person’s character.
- For example, it’s one thing to say, “I don’t like it when you leave your dirty laundry all over the bathroom because sometimes my friends see it and that embarrasses me,” as opposed to, “You’re such a pig to live with. You’re disgusting!”
Destructive conflict patterns: Defensiveness
Recall that defensiveness is a reaction that aims to protect one’s presenting self by denying responsibility (“You’re crazy; I never do that.”) or counterattacking (“You’re more of a slob than I am.”)
