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Managing Tantrums Flashcards

1
Q

Child angry. How ok this feeling?

A
  • Allow ALL feelings. OK all feelings
  • I see that you are angry, it is ok to be angry”
  • Feelings are ok, BEHAVIOR is NOT
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2
Q

MANAGING tantrums acronym

A

BREATHE -

  • Be clear ahead of time (PREP)
  • Release your own reactions
  • Eye level
  • Allowing the feels
  • Tell toddler where bumpers are
  • Highlight the Yes
  • Echo same thing over and over
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3
Q

How to avoid transition based tantrums, B of Breathe

A

Be clear ahead of time - B of Breathe of how to manage tantrums
PREP (part of B of Breathe, be clear ahead of time)
- Plan in advance- pack etc so no rushing
—-do this beforehand, include toddler or not
- Reveal plan- say what time and what is happening; simple announcement, short and clear
—-Ie. 5/10/15 min we will be going to bed; use timer
- Explain - all details in order of what going to happen; narrate
—-Ie. In 10min we will put PJ, brush teeth, read book and go to bed
—-Seems redundant but it works - bc cant remember anything
-Put your toddler in charge of something SMALL
—-Push button on timer, which book, where should toy go tonight etc

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4
Q

R of Breathe

A

Release your own reactions - R of Breathe how to manage tantrums

  • Use boss tone during tantrum- need to be calm confident compassionate
  • If yell back, walk away etc and not deal with them directly- will just lengthen and make tantrums more often
  • Need to recognize OWN stress cues, use stop tool
  • —Stop talking and moving, take a breath, release tension in shoulders and shift feet on ground, observe self and name feelings and unclench and release and come back to the moment, proceed in BOSS tone mode
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5
Q

E of Breathe (second E)

A

Eye level - E of Breathe of managing tantrums

- Drop down to eye level - so don’t perceived as threat/powerful, less survival mode

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6
Q

A of Breathe

A

Allowing the feels - A of Breathe of managing tantrums

  • accept and acknowledge their emotions
  • Construct a story of what they are feeling- to validate them to feel seen
  • Ok all feelings. Crucial to decrease intensity and duration of tantrums
  • The point is to not change feelings or point out what is wrong, it is to help regulate feelings in safe constructive way
  • See “Script of how to ok/allow feelings” card
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7
Q

Are tantrums a time to teach?

A
  • Tantrums are not the time to teach- it is time to connect
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8
Q

Pitfalls of managing tantrum- ex of what not to do

A
    • don’t join chaos. Stop it. If you don’t stop this you wil get .
    • Don’t reason - youre the one who asked for it
    • Toxic positivity- youre fine, nothing happened
    • Giving in- give what they want. Don’t do it
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9
Q

Script of how to Ok/Allow feelings

- Ex- Child does not want to stop playing

A

1) Verbalize what is happening - “you’re having so much fun with x”
2) See them “I can see why its hard to stop, you don’t want to”
- Or “I hear “
3) Ok feeling - even if ridic or irrational “its ok to be upset”
- While saying it- show care through voice and body language
- Will not make kid sensitive, does not encourage bad behavior
- Feelings OK, bad behavior NOT OK

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10
Q

T of Breathe, importance of repetition

A

Tell toddler where bumpers are - T of Breathe of managing tantrums

  • Limit setting portion after connecting
  • Might need to repeat again and again
  • Do not give in or let bumpers down. will just do it again next time and get what they want -REINFORCES BAD BEHAVIOR
  • Also does not teach them how to handle feelings.
  • Remember- not time to yell or teach, it’s a time to ride WITH them through these feelings.
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11
Q

Script of how to put up bumpers with Allowing feelings (A and T of Breathe)

  • Ex1: naptime but don’t want to
  • Ex2: don’t want to leave park
A
  • Example of connecting Allowing feelings and Telling where bumpers are (and Ok the Yes)
  • – “you don’t want to nap, you want to keep playing, you’re sad about that, its ok to feel sad, AND ITS NAPTIME NOW. What show do you want to watch after the nap?”
  • – “its hard to leave the park when you’re having fun, you’re mad, its ok to feel mad, its time to leave now, what do you want to play when you get home?”
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12
Q

H of Breathe

A

Highlight the Yes - H of Breathe of managing tantrums

  • Something fun to do at home, shifting attention to help them cope
  • Fulfill their need for control and assertiveness
  • Ok if it doesn’t work the first time, keep doing this
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13
Q

E of Breathe, what is purpose

A

Echo same thing over and over - E of Breathe of managing tantrums

  • say script again and again “you’re so angry we cant stay at the park, its ok to be angry and its time to go home” over and over
  • Don’t need to feel like need to negotiate or talk back to kid.
  • Purpose- This limits engagement. Over and over until meltdown subsides.
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14
Q

What to do if toddler wants to be left alone to calm down

A
  • Some toddlers want to be left alone to calm down. Or need a hug
  • If want to be alone- say I can see you want to be alone, that is ok, ill be in the next room when youre ready.
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15
Q

PREVENTING Tantrums 6 game plans outline

-Is it ok to combo together?

A
  1. Give a choice
  2. Follow the leader
  3. Yes-No sandwich
  4. Now and Then
  5. Just add sprinkles
  6. Tell the story - PREP
    - yes ok to combo above w each other
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16
Q

Give a choice game plan of PREVENTING Tantrums

-Give example with PJs, shoes, plate

A
  • Fulfills desire to be independent, working with them and not ordering them around
  • Offer choices BEFORE tantrum
  • Not big decisions- when is bedtime, what to eat
  • -Ie. This PJ or that PJ, red or black shoes, blue or red plate.
  • Don’t do open ended choices - pick any shoes. Do 2 choices. And do only these options.
17
Q

Follow the leader game plan of PREVENTING Tantrums

  • Give example with wanting to leave the park
  • Give example with wanting to go to bed
A
  • Make them feel important
  • Make them feel like they have a small part in task
  • Task- going in stroller/going to park. “Which way to park? Oh that way? Ok you’re the navigator, show me where to go in your ship (stroller)”
  • Task- bedtime “grab your doll and lets put her to bed, aw night night, ok time to go on up”
  • Use bedtime chart - PJ, brush teeth, potty, book, bed
18
Q

Yes-No Sandwich game plan of PREVENTING Tantrums

  • Give example of wanting to go to park
  • Give example of wanting cereal not the eggs
A
  • Sandwich the NO between 2 yes
  • -Ie. Wants to go to park but cant right now – “park does sound fun yes, we cant go now bc its time for school. Lets go after I get you from daycare”
    • “you want cereal, so yummy, were having eggs right now, lets have cereal later”
  • You’re still saying no so might still get tantrum
19
Q

Now and Then game plan of PREVENTING Tantrums

  • beware not to do this
  • Ex of wanting them to sit on potty
  • Ex of wanting them to nap first
A
  • First something you don’t want to do, then something do want to do
  • Not bribery. Be careful that its not if and then statements- like a threat or bargaining
  • -Ie. Lets sit on the potty then we watch elmo. Not “if you pee now then you can watch elmo”
  • -Ie. First naptime, then after the park yay!. Not- if you sleep now we will park when you wake up
  • Helps them cope with something they don’t want to do with something more fun
20
Q

Just add sprinkles game plan of PREVENTING Tantrums

-Ex for food, carseat, bath time

A
  • Make situation less stressful and more silly/fun
  • Calling it party yogurt. Putting sprinkles in water and if they drink it all
  • Obstacle course on way to tub
  • Car seat is a spaceship lets blast off
  • Get creative to make it more imaginative and fun
21
Q

Tell the story - PREP game plan of PREVENTING Tantrums

-Ex for going to doctors or dentist

A
  • Use PREP for situations that might cause tantrum triggers- big scary or new
  • “Explain” part of prep - use visual aid. Toys or books.
  • -Doctors appt. and a toy
  • –Walk through all of it verbally
  • –Then ask MD to examine/give shot to the teddy bear then do them next
22
Q

How is discipline different from punishment

A
  • Discipline means to teach, should not focus in punishing
  • Fear does not correct long term, just scared of you, stop behavior not bc right or wrong, its bc they are scared of being punished
  • Fear triggers irrational/emo brain = emotional problems later on
23
Q

What does spanking child do in long run

A
  • Less compliance long term if do spanking per research
  • Makes child more aggressive- they learn that hitting is acceptable response to feeling upset
  • -Spanking disrupts part in brain for good decisions before acting- so get later in life emo problems - depression, low self esteem, unhealthy relationships
24
Q

Cons of timeout- what do instead

A
  • Think for toddler to calm self and think about what did- research shows kids more anxious bc of timeouts and equals more acting out
  • -Timeouts = love withdrawal = fear, resentment, anxiety = more chaos
  • -Signals that big feelings are NOT ok if send them to timeout
  • Time in instead= guiding them through emotions
  • “I could see you were feeling upset. Your hands were tight fists and mouth was not smiling. You wanted your toy back bc you weren’t done with it. Lets have a redo and ask for the toy back”
25
Q

What does effective discipline teach

A
  • All feelings are ok
  • Certain behaviors are not acceptable
  • THIS is what acceptable expression of that feeling or need looks like
  • discipline is shifting from unwanted behaviors to wanted behaviors
26
Q

Cons of taking things away as punishment

A

ie. “if you don’t listen im canceling your playdate tomorrow”
- This creates more stress, more likely to act out bc lost something or upset about what lost
- - becomes endless cycle
- Taking away something that has no relation to that moment confuses them
- - Ie. They throw toy at your face = don’t get dessert later.

27
Q

DISCIPLINE Game plans

A
  1. Natural consequences
  2. Related consequences
  3. Let’s do a REDO
  4. Tell them what they CAN do
  5. Get quiet
  6. Spotlight the right
  7. Connect and contain
  8. Teach those coping skills
  9. Be what you want to see
  10. The 10min miracle
  11. Repair and Restore

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