Notes Flashcards
Research shows that engaging in thrill-seeking behaviors together (whether it’s rock climbing or just going to see a scary movie) stimulates dopamine in the brain, which gets your juices flowing.
The longer the arousal buildup, the bigger the explosion. Get yourself close to orgasm, then slow to a simmer. Repeat that a few times before you climax.
Porn isn’t all about big penises and deep throats. Erotic movies and books can be tasteful and arousing, and the more aroused you are, the better your orgasm chances.
There are all kinds of emotional barriers to having good sex, from poor body image to boredom.
Women who have the best sex lives feel good about their bodies. They see themselves as strong and sexy.
Instead of focusing on the end game, learn to enjoy the sensuality of sex. Tease yourself — and him. Get undressed, dim the lights and take turns exploring each other’s bodies.
Research shows that new and adventurous activities may stimulate the brain to produce dopamine, a neurotransmitter that plays a key role in sexual desire. Do something daring outside the bedroom and dopamine levels may skyrocket — along with your sex drive. Challenge your guy to a heart-pounding activity like rock climbing or white-water rafting.
When you’re stressed out, it’s impossible to feel sexy. That’s because when a woman experiences chronic tension, her body produces higher levels of oxytocin, a chemical that cancels out the effects of the sex hormone testosterone. As a result, your libido takes a nosedive.
The leading predictor of a woman’s marital happiness was the level of her husband’s emotional engagement.
When men pitch in around the house, their wives are much more likely to be satisfied with the relationship and to want more sex.
Working out is a great way to boost your sex life. It stimulates not only the body but the nervous system and the brain. So you’re more physiologically excited and more receptive to sex. Exercise strengthens your cardiovascular system, improves circulation, and gets blood flowing to all the right places. It also gets you in the mood by reducing stress and boosting your self-esteem.
Just as important, exercise helps you tune in to your body — and tune out the world. Weight training and Pilates, which force you to focus on your muscles and your form, are especially good for this. You really feel every move, and that puts you in a more sensual state.
Never underestimate the power of a good pillow.
Thinking about sex throughout the day is such a turn-on.
It’s not okay to feel unfulfilled because you are too afraid to talk about your turn-ons.
There is nothing better than feeling desired.
Have a long make-out session. Don’t allow yourselves to do anything other than kiss for at least 20 minutes.
Tell your partner that they’re going to be ‘queen for a day,’ and you’re going to spend the entire evening focusing on their body, without any expectation of reciprocation.
A combination of genital stimulation, deep kissing and oral sex is the “golden trio” for women when it comes to increasing their likelihood of reaching orgasm with a sexual partner.
Female orgasms are not primarily associated with vaginal sex.
Changing positions or even laughing at something that happened during sex increases the chances that someone will orgasm.
Factors such as asking for particular behaviours in bed and flirting with their partner throughout the day were linked to small but significant associations with more frequent orgasms in women.
Explicit and direct communication with one’s partner is key.
Sex is not a performance sport but a way to connect with another person.
One of the biggest obstacles to sustaining relationship satisfaction is a phenomenon called hedonic adaptation—our tendency to adapt, or habituate, to things that we are exposed to repeatedly.
Hedonic adaptation produces declines in happiness for two main reasons:
1/ Major positive events, like starting a new relationship or getting married, tend to be associated with a multitude of other smaller positive events, like first kisses, deep conversations, and making new friends through your partner. These events are all associated with boosts in positive emotions. But as these positive events become less frequent, couples are likely to experience fewer boosts in happiness.
2/ As positive events become more expected and predictable (date night every Friday, etc.), they may begin to feel less special and exciting, and our standards for what constitutes quality time together may increase. Just like an addict needs more and more of a drug to get the same high, we may find that we need bigger and better activities to maintain satisfaction. As a result, we may fail to appreciate the everyday things that were once were so thrilling to us, like holding hands or cooking a meal together.
