Relationships Intervention Flashcards
(24 cards)
Friendship: pottery
you can go up to anyone and create a relationship with them - form it into anything you’d like
Friendship: tending a plant
a relationship grows naturally like a plant and is what it is to grow into, but if you never take care if it, it will die
Relationship Schema
- beliefs about how relationships work
- you can have different schemas for different people
- Is a friendship something you’re building, shaping - molding a piece of pottery OR tending a plant (these are 2 schemas)
Aristotle: utility friend
based on materially what you’re giving each other, there’s nothing really more, you can have a nice interaction but you’re giving each other something (ex: if friend has a car and can get you places like a hike)
Aristotle: pleasure friend
the person makes you feel good, there’s an attraction, you like doing activities together, having fun on positive engagements (someone you’d go bowling with) - not super deep
Aristotle: deep/intimate friend
based around wanting the best for the other person in the relationship, means sometimes there will be sacrifices, periods that don’t feel fun at all, and difficult conversations
- Lucky if you even had 1 friend like that at any given time - limited category
Anne with an E implications on relationships?
- There are similarities between the attachment that becomes between a parent and child and between adults in adult relationships (like marriage) - there is a parallel between adoption and marriage (anne recited a wedding ceremony when being adopted)
- Anne noticed an inappropriate relationship between her teacher and an older student and the other students didn’t because she has prior experience with an inappropriate relationship
- Theres a lot of complexity in relationships and we acquire them through experiences
What is the purpose of volume sliders? What do each of the characteristics on the volume sliders represent? (like, know, trust, rely, commit, touch)
In any relationship you can rate where these factors are
- their rating can influence one another
- Liking: similarity, can happen very fast, can change over time,
- Knowledge: talking to them, asking questions, observations, it takes time
- Trust: time, revealing vulnerable elements of the self, yes or no do you trust the person, different dimensions of trust (trust star)
- Rely: not necessarily can you rely on them but are you relying on them?
- Commitment: in what ways are you tying your life to another person (marriage, children, pet)
- Touch: different elements of physical touch
What does the fox teach the prince in “the little prince”
The Fox teaches the Little Prince that true relationships are formed through patience, rituals, and bonds. To “tame” someone means to create ties—to become important to each other. It’s a metaphor for intimacy, loyalty, and emotional investment.
waht happens to the volume sliders in a dyad?
- Every dyad has 2 sets of sliders (one for each person), they wont both perfectly match
- If one slider is high (especially past trust), they all feel high
if one slider is high past trust (rely, commit, touch) what happens?
they all feel high (intimate)
Who are john Gottman and Julie Gottman?
- relationship researchers and clinicians
- brought couples to his lab and could predict (85% power) how a relationship would progress over years
- they have developed relationship interventions
The Sound Relationship House (Gottmans)
- their interventions are based on their research
- they identified different elements in a sound intimate relationship
- walls = trust and commitment
what are the walls of the sound relationship hous made of?
trust and commitment
Bluiding love maps meaning:
- mapping the persons internal world
- building of knowledge between two people of their internal world
ex: what is your parters worst fear?
ex: what stresses are facing your partner in the immediate future?
The Gottmans’ “Eight Dates” Conversations
They wrote a book about eight topics they think it’s Important people discuss in intimate relationships that will last for some time
topics:
- trust & commitment
- addressing conflict
- sex & intimacy
- work & money
- family
- fun & adventure
- growth & spirituality
- dreams
What are the Gottman’s take on relationship conflicts
around 70% if conflicts between couples are unresolvable - but that’s not bad
they are about things that are just fundamentally different between 2 people
ex: one person like adventurous trips, and other likes relaxing trips
they sort out the differences between resolvable and unresolvable conflicts nd accepting the unresolvable ones
Sue Johnson
- developer of emotionally focused couple therapy
- internationally known as a leader in relationship psychology
John Gottman Four Horseman of the Relationship Apocalype (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling)
- Criticism: attacking the personality/character of a person during conflict -> gentle start up
- Contempt: looking down on another person: eyeroll, I’m better than you -> build culture of appreciation
- Defensiveness: victimizing yourself to word off a perceived attack and reverse the blame -> take responsibility
- Stonewalling: withdrawing to avoid conflict and convey disapproval, distance, and separation -> physiological self-soothing
John Gottman Bids:
anytime you put something out there (like a wave) is a bid, if the person waves back that’s a returned bid and if not then it’s a lost bid
the more giving and receiving of bids the better!
for every five positive interactions, how many negative ones were there during a conflict?
one negative
Sue Johnson main ideas:
- based in attachment theory - patterns of children’s relationship with caregivers that fall into important categories
- focus on meeting universal attachment needs (need for security, safety)
- Secure attachment is good
- intense feelings are normal in an attachment relationship
- emotion related to the attachment need is primary emotion, but the secondary emotion is what you’re communicating on the surface
- recovering from betrayals
relationships are like dancing metaphor:
- sometimes you dance with a partner and the whole thing is awkward
- especially if you’re trying to get all of the steps perfect right instead of making small adjustments and listening to the other person
Ex: pursue-withdraw: one person is anxious an wants to be close, and the other person needs space and doesn’t want to be close - in conflict
recognizing when in one of these dances and find ways to satisfy both needs
what kinds of symptoms can betrayals likely lead to? How can we get over it?
PTSD Symptoms: a beleif structure is blown out and then you can likely be haunted by it where it’s like you have bad dreams, or intrusive thoughts
steps people can go through that helped people get past it, but at this level, if you don’t ever process it then there’s no recovery - feelings don’t let a lot of people believe that they are safe
- the injured person has to sit down and fully explain to the other person the effect that this thing had on them and their beleif systems
- the need to see that the other person really gets the depth
- will be very uncomfortable, will be a lot of crying
- need to come up with a story of why this thing happened, what went through the other persons head, that explanation can help (gets at a hot spot and cures it - fills in the blanks)
