Science, Medicine & Therapy Jokes Flashcards
Share jokes that gently satirize common experiences in medical settings or the scientific community. (32 cards)
What’s that joke about a doctor during surgery?
Q: What’s a four letter word you never want to hear a doctor say during surgery?
A: Oops.
What’s that joke about writing letters to people you hate?
My therapist told me to write letters to people I hated and then burn them.
I’ve done that, but now what do I do with the letters?
What’s that joke about dead batteries?
I gave all my dead batteries away.
Free of charge.
What’s that joke about trusting atoms?
Q: Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
A: Because they make up everything.
What’s that joke about the topic of global warming?
Be careful when you bring up the topic of global warming.
It’s a very heated topic.
What’s that joke about a flat earth?
70% of the earth is water, and virtually none of it is carbonated.
So the earth is, in fact, flat.
What’s that joke about narcissism?
My therapist told me my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.
I’m pretty sure she was just hitting on me.
What’s that joke about crying in therapy?
“After 12 years of therapy, my shrink said something that brought tears to my eyes.”
“What did he say?”
“‘No hablo inglés.’” [I don’t speak English]
Explanation: By saying “no hablo inglés,” the therapist is implying that they did not understand anything that was said in the past 12 years of therapy.
What’s that joke about botox and plastic surgery?
People are so into plastic surgery nowadays.
I mean you mention botox… and no one even raises an eyebrow.
What’s that joke about psychiatrists?
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.
What’s that therapy joke about vengeance?
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with revenge.
We’ll see about that.
Tip: Say the punchline while punching into the palm of your hand, in a gesture that conveys “I’ll show him!”
What’s that joke about a traveling photon?
A photon checks into a hotel, and the bellhop asks if he has any luggage.
The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”
Explanation: In physics, a photon is a particle of light, which moves at the speed of light.
What’s that joke about narcissists?
OR that joke about the world revolving around you?
Q: How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one. All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves around him.
What’s are some easy chemistry puns?
I tell chemistry jokes periodically.
Think I’m gonna stop? I don’t zinc so.
I’m gonna keep going until I get a reaction.
What’s that joke about a song stuck in your head?
OR that joke about the movie Grease?
I told my therapist I can’t get the Grease soundtrack out of my head.
He said, “Tell me more.”
Explanation: There is a popular scene in the movie Grease where John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John sing a song called Summer Nights.
“Tell me more, tell me more…” is a part of the song’s chorus.
What’s that science joke about a neutron in a bar?
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much it costs for a beer.
The bartender replies, “For you, my friend, no charge.”
Explanation: Unlike protons and electrons, neutrons have no positive or negative charge.
What’s that joke about HIPAA?
(The U.S. healthcare privacy law)
You: knock knock
Them: Who’s there?
You: HIPAA.
Them: HIPAA who?
You: …I can’t tell you…
Explanation: The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (HIPAA) is a federal law that required the creation of national standards to protect sensitive patient health information from being disclosed without the patient’s consent or knowledge.
What’s that joke about the effects of alcohol on someone’s gait?
Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk.
The result was staggering.
What’s that joke about closure?
There are two types of people in this world: Those who like a good sense of closure, and…
[Just look away and stop talking]
What’s that joke about a suspicious mole?
Went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole.
He said they all look that way, and I should have left him in the garden.
What’s that joke about the Backstreet Boys?
I told my therapist I feel like I’ve been hearing the Backstreet Boys EVERYWHERE.
And she said “Tell me why.”
Explanation: This joke references a popular Backstreet Boys song, in which they sang “Tell me why /
Ain’t nothin’ but a heartache / Tell me why / Ain’t nothin’ but a mistake / Tell me why / I never wanna hear you say / I want it that way.”
What’s that joke about a scientist’s pants?
Q: What do biologists wear to work on Casual Friday?
A: Genes.
What’s that joke about blood in your veins?
Did you know you can hear the blood in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely.
Tip: Pronounce varicosely in a somewhat sly way, so that it sounds more like very closely.
What’s that joke about Freudian slips?
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.
Explanation: A Freudian slip refers to an error in communication or memory that Freud believed reveals desires and urges from your unconscious mind.
This joke plays on the trope that people blame all their psychological issues on their mother.
