Speech Flashcards
(13 cards)
Hello everyone,
This is your captain speaking.
Firstly, I would just like to follow tradition and echo the thanks that has already been iterated,
to everyone who has come together to build this 100th anniversary of squash varsity. I don’t know about you, but I personally feel really cool being able to take part it in this celebratory fixture, and it would be nothing without the immense work everyone has put in behind the scenes, so thank you so much for that.
But mostly for this speech, I’d like to spend a bit of time talking about my team.
Now after being a somewhat “relaxed” secretary last year, I was deeply excited to take on the Captaincy role. I felt like I was turning over a new leaf, and I was ready to fill the big shoes that had been left for me by previous captains Aria and Mei. But first, we needed a team!
This is where ChatGPT came in.
Between ChatGPT and me, we designed a monrad tournament that would build a team of immense talent, beauty, humour and strength; and I’m not just talking about our coach Jason Varries. So now I’d like to tell you a bit about each member of my team.
Firstly, Amelia- thank you so much for being here.
Amelia is the diamond in the crown of our blues team, and our get out of jail free card in the monopoly board of squash fixtures. Amelia has been staunchly fending off an injury this year, and we’re just so grateful you’ve put in the shift and shown up for us today. We’re also immensely jealous of your tan, and how you can presumably turn up to a fixture fresh off a plane from Morocco, jet lagged, and still dominate. Amelia’s performance is a demonstration of real commitment, and phenomenal sportsmanship, and we’re so lucky to have you.
Next, let’s talk about Aria.
Aria is the powerhouse of OUSRC. Ex-Captain, president in chief, weekly Strength and Conditioning warrior and developer of the most devious and diabolical training drills. Me and Aria joined the team in the same year, and we’ve played adjacent strings at every varsity since. She’s the friendly face I look forward to reliably seeing at every training, every fixture, every social; and the “Bump!” text that I dread every morning at 6am when I owe her a mountain of squadmin. Although I currently am still mad at you for letting your sister fly all the way down from Canada to bagel me with a £5 racquet on my home court, I want you to know that to me, Aria, you embody OUSRC, and the team would not be the same without you. So thank you for the phenomenal work we all know you put in behind the scenes, with a chirpy smile and little giggle, and the occasional absolute roasting. We’d all be lost without you.
Next, we can talk about Selina - the first of our newbies.
Known both on court for her dastardly front game and dapper squoutfits, as well as off court for her cut-throat behind the scenes coaching, and amazing pink hair; Selina had established herself as a foundational member of our team. I distinctly remember when Selina turned up at trials and shyly announced to me that she hadnt picked up a racquet in a few years so not to expect too much. She then proceeded to chip someone 11-1, because when Selina wants to prove a point, she does so with style. Don’t be fooled by her girlish grin, if you give Selina an easy ball on court she’ll take you to the absolute cleaners.
Next up is our second newbie, Daniela.
Daniela’s training attendance is so reliable I sometimes turn up to solo practice half expecting her to already be there. I knew Daniela was a keeper when she turned up to the women’s squash taster session, and started blasting kill shots inches above the tin without remorse. She is a mighty squash player, and a hardy competitor. She is also a keen quizzer, and will dominate a board game social. A player to have on your team in every situation, and a rising star of OUSRC, make no mistake.
Next, we have Dill.
Dill is probably the most talented woman I know. This year she’s “taking a year off” of her Blues lacrosse career, by playing Blues squash, real tennis, and Eton 5s. She tricked me into believing she “might not even make the team” at her independent trial, before storming 10-5 up in the first of our many close games this year. On that day and since, Dill has proven that is fiercely competitive, hugely talented, and not to be underestimated at any cost. In an almost unprecedented shift, she played every single BUCS match last term. Dill and I have been locked in a squash sconcing stalemate since very early on this year, when we both caught each other skipping a social - Dill clearly having a lovely time on what looked to be a very successful date - and me out the back of a kebab van trying to finish an essay that was due first thing that morning. She’s a trusty companion, our teams most profound hypewoman, and a magnificent asset to OUSRC.
And the final member of the women’s Blues team here today, is of course, Jason.
Our coach extraordinaire, who seen us through thick and thin, and never wavered. For the past two years Jason has had the pleasure of working with us, and he’s been such a consisten force in our lives. In fact, he’s been so consistent, that even when im home in the holidays and training at Reigate Squash Club, I swear I can hear a ghostly voice telling me to “leave more space on the ball”. Unironically, I consider Jason my best friend. Naturally then, it was with huge excitement that, when I was in Amsterdam supporting my dad at the Worlds, what should I see walking down the street but a pair of bright yellow crocs, and of course, attached to them, who else could it be but my best friend Jason. Lucky for him, Jason now had a coach for the remainder of his Amsterdam adventure. If only he listened to my advice, maybe we’d have a world champion sat amongst us. Never mind Jason. We’ll discuss it on the plane to Australia 2026.
As you can probably tell, I love my team.
I feel immensely privileged to have led you this year, and so proud of the progress we’ve all made. One thing I do want to mention that I am especially appreciative of about the W1 team is our shared experiences. For the most part, we are a group of women who played squash growing up, but all took some time out of the game because we’d fallen out of love with it. So on this note, I just want to say a little bit about me.
I promised everyone I know that I would not play sport at University;
and anyone who knows me is aware that I am immensely stubborn individual. However, with a spare couple of hours of my freshers week, when I’d yet to make any friends and I was feeling bored and lonely, I decided to mosey on down to the squash courts, and maybe have a crack at the trials. I was so unprepared. I borrowed a racquet. I borrowed two left shoes. I just scraped onto the team, and honestly, I’ve never looked back. OUSRC has become my Oxford family, and Iffley, rancid as it may be, has become my Oxford home. I look forward to every training, every fixture and yes, even sometimes, 7am Wednesday S&C. So I just want to say thank you to everyone who’s made me fall in love with this sport again. It’s not something I ever expected to happen. But I’m just so glad it did.
And with that, I’d like to ask you all to enjoy your night;
enjoy this time that we’ve been given to spend together, surrounded by our friends. Please make the most of this glamorous centenary occasion. Do something scandalous, make a memory or two, and tell me all about it this time next year.
Thanks for listening.
