TEST 3 Flashcards
(32 cards)
- LEGITIMIZED GRIEF “should sorrow”
- FAMILY AS FAMILY
- AN EXPECTATION IN THE FAMILY TO EXPRESS GRIEF SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY’RE IN THE FAMILY
- Simply because they’re connected to you genetically
- SECRET KEEPERS
- FOR SOME SURIVIVORS, THAT DECEASED COULD HAVE TREATED THEM HORRIBLY
- Maybe that’s never been disclosed or resolved
They might be happy they died, but you are SUPPOSED to go through the motions
- DISENFRANCHISED GRIEF “shouldn’t sorrow” (DOKA, 1989)
- LOSS IS IDIOSYNCRATIC, SO
- Loss is specific to the individual
- Some losses mean more to some than others
- SOME LOSSES ARE CONSENSUAL
- There are some losses that more people are going to understand
- You lost a partner, a parent, a child, we get it
- But can get difficult if people have different views on those relationships
- Ex: work leaves depending on what kind of relationship - AND SOME LOSSES ARE NOT CONSENSUAL
- The greater the departure of kinship, recognized losses, the greater the likelihood it will not be recognized
- “I don’t see what the big deal is”
- Relates to:
- “they don’t have the right to grieve”
- “you think the widow has it hard, try the ex lover”
- THIS HAS CONSEQUENCES FOR THE GRIEVER
- The fact that not all losses are consensual, not everyone gets it
- This has consequences like:
Not all can openly acknowledge:
1. They can’t publicly mourn
2. Nor socially supported
- Not going to get the same support that someone close to them would
- They feel alone in their grief
6 CATEGORIES AMOUNG DISENFRANCHISED
- FAMILY SCAPEGOATS
- Those that have the bad reputations in the family
- The angry ones
- What do YOU do when everyone else hates the person, but you liked them, you’re alone
- STIGMITIZED PEOPLE
- Ex: someone who dies of aids, executed for their crimes, suicide
- Stigmas associated w dying under those conditions
- “they made their choices” - WORK RELATED DEATHS
- People who are in lines of work that are responsible for others are someone dies on their watch
- Counselors, psycho-therapists, health care workers, firefighters - PRENATAL DEATH
- Death that happens before birth - PETS
- Kids list pet as best friend - LOW POWER GRIEVERS
- They very young or those assumed cognitively impaired
- They don’t know what’s going on
- Make decisions like “10 year old cannot attend the funeral”
DIS PROCESS
“DIFFERENT FROM ME” —> (how we think) (we see a gap between them and us (survivor and dead)
“LACK OF EMPATHY” —> (how we feel) LEADS TO:
DISENFRANCHISEMENT
- Has to suffer alone
- Without support
3 MODELS OF RELATING (IND LVL)
- DEPENDANCE
- INDEPENDENCE
- CAREGIVING
- INFANCY/ TODDLERHOOD (0-2)Language, attachment develop
Absence/malfunction also develop
- Parent leaves the room, kid cries, developmental block for death
Emotional “vibe”
- They can pick up on what others are feeling around them
- Not limited to humans, prozac example
Beginning of abuse
- Kids who can die during this period of time
Disrupted attachment
- Can put people at risk for problematic behaviors later on
- Destructive behaviors for examples
- EARLY CHILDHOOD (2-6) play/fantasy
Beginning death concept
- Steps on a bug and says “no more”
- Might have relevance to an afterlife
First pet death
- May be first death related experience kid has to deal with
- How is it dealt with?
Magical concepts of causality
- “the moon is following us”
- They can overestimate the impact they have on other people
- “I hope my brother dies” and then he actually dies, “I did that”
- Carries survivors guilt
Death as reversible, externally caused
- “they’re dead, but they will sleep it off”
- MIDDLE CHILDHOOD (6-11) school, identity
Irreversibility, cessation of function
- Going to see it more as final
Universally, internal causes
- “all living thins die”
- May be linked w things like disease, old age
Distancing/ denial
- Distance themselves from death
- Deny death
- “Everyone dies, oh shit”
- Everyone includes me
First funerals
- Maybe not understanding, but there is exposure
Ghosts/afterlife
- Builds on a more elaborate concept of afterlife
Suicide
- 8th leading cause in children 6-11
- What’s going on in someone’s life that makes that a viable option and how different is it from adults
- Fight in a family, bullying
- ADOLESCNCE (11-20) sexuality, autonomy
Stylized after death
- Start shifting through the beliefs they hold important after people die
- They aren’t going to keep the beliefs they were brought up with
Religious conversations
- Most common developmental times for religious conversions
- May join, switch, leave faiths
Risk-taking, accidents, overdose, suicide, STDS
- More prominent in this age
Concept of lost future
- People are able to start thinking about projecting into an unknown future
- “this is what could’ve been”
- They can deal with survivors guilt
- YOUNG ADULTHOOD (20-40) career? Partner? Children?
“Death latency”
- It’s in the background
- Why? Because life is awesome
- It’s only if nasty old death intrudes, only then will they think about it
“culturally alive”
“if you’re going to be any age, this is the age you want to be”
- MIDDLE ADULTHOOD (40-60) advancement, transitioning
Beginning of physical decline
- Or sometimes cognitive
Parental death/caregiving
- Most prominent time
“clock adjusting behaviours”
- If they have been neglecting their health, they will join a fitness membership
- Cosmetic surgeries
- Significant lifestyle changes (2nd most likely religious changes)
- Relationship disillusion (kids are gone)
- Career change
Engage in risk taking
- LATE ADULTHOOD (60-80) multi-retirement
Additional physical decline
- Greater likelihood of diseases
Death of peers/partners
- Friends start to die
- Losses start to accumulate
Stereotypes around age
- Sex life “nasty”
Loss of “personhood”
- Don’t recognize people that they love
Wisdom? Enlightenment?
- Is it possible?
TORNSTAM: “GEROTRANSCENDENCE”
- An alternative to models that say that there’s a certain miserable decay in the aging process
Less self-focused
- Not whiny or complaining, more pro-social
- Trying to take care of the people around them
More socially selective
- Pairing down in their interactions with others
- Which connections fill me vs drain me
- Choose my interactions more carefully
Focused on continuity
- I want to focus on prayer or meditation
- Want to connect to the bigger source
Positive solitude
- But not characterized as loneliness, but intentional
- Time for reflection, self discovery
- Have I learned everything I needed to learn?
EVIDENCE: PETRICAN AND BURRIS (2011)
Older respondents feel less trapped in time than younger
Less trapped in time —> more love for their partners, less need for “compensatory control”
TYPE 1: THE PERFECTIONIST: DEATH AS A MISTAKE
- Motivated by the need to live life the right way
- Anger is a character flaw
- “I work toward improvement”
- More rational type
- Things they would never do example: not letting their partner wear a sweatsuit to their high school reunion
- Going to try to take care of their death related things beforehand
- Partner screwed up the 5 year plan: causes anger
TYPE 2: THE HELPER: DEATH AS A NEED
- Refer to sheet
- The caring, generous, possessive
- Basic fear: being unwanted
- Never dream of doing: saying no when someone asks them to do a small favour
- “I got two weeks of food for you, you just need to warm it up”
- Nurturance is what it’s about
TYPE 3: THE PERFORMER/ ACHEIVER: DEATH AS A FAILURE
- Refer to sheet
- Side hustle, being awesome
- “I went to Harvard”
- Meeting their partner’s ex and not comparing body types
- Death represents the possibility of failing
- “I got to out awesome everyone else”
- Do well: leave a legacy of accomplishments
- Risk: “ I didn’t know them that well because they were out being awesome”
- Aging is a real freak out for 3’s
TYPE 4: ROMANTIC: DEATH AS ABANDONMENT
- alisha: self absorbed, temperamental
- Taking 30 min to grieve over their loved one
- Used to going into the depths of human emotion
- There are so many variations to their emotions
- “I am sadness” creates a safe space
- Intense emotions does not surprise a 4
- Intense, but pass
- About feelings
TYPE 5: THE OBSERVER: DEATH AS A MYSTERY
- “I want to have everything figured out so I can understand my environment”
- Focus on explanation
- Emotions detached and distanced, can become a problem
- Intellectualize everything
- Grieving, trying to come up with a rational way of thinking
- Risk: Isolate themselves
- “statistically speaking death happens” that brought the 5 comfort
- Can be unsympathetic
TYPE 6: THE QUESTIONER/ LOYALIST: DEATH IS BETRAYAL
- Refer to sheet
- Question authority
- “im scared, therefore I have to kick it’s ass”
- Engaging, responsible
- Not out doing risky stuff, more cautious
- Paranoia
TYPE 7: THE ENTHUSIAST: DEATH AS “NO FUN”
- Motivated to be happy and contribute to the world
- Basic fear: being deprived and in pain
- Something they wouldn’t do: going to their fav restaurant when a new exotic one opened next door
- Try to embrace this optimistic lifestyle
- Could help others from getting stuck
- Welcoming atmosphere
TYPE 8: THE ASSERTER: DEATH AS AN OPPONENT
- Key word: control
- Have a “get them before they get me”
- 8’s like being in charge
- Lot of anger there
- What do they do with their anger?
- Rather than being sad, they are going to be angry
- May have grudges to the deceased
TYPE 9: THE PEACE MAKER: DEATH AS DISHARMONY
- Refer to sheet
- Key word: comfort
- “get along, go along” and “don’t harsh my mellow”
- Never dream of doing: bragging about themselves and not asking about others
- Death as bad vibes
- Good listeners
- Can do a good job dealing with conflict
- Grief is going to challenge your peace, you will space out, numb out, and not focus on your feelings
- 9’s can be really out of touch with what they’re feeling
- Most likely to be passive aggressive
- Conflict style: I forgot
1
- live life the right way, improve myself and others, and avoid anger
- see anger as a flaw and try to repress it
- the world is an imperfect place, I work toward improvement
