The Charisma Myth

Question 1

02/07/2019
THE CHARISMA MYTH

1. RANDOM EXCERPTS THAT GET THE POINT ACROSS

A. The charismatic behaviors: Power, Presence, Warmth

B. Presence shows in your eyes, face, and body language. The goal of presence is to give them your full attention and make them feel like they’re the most important thing in your world.

C. People tend to accept what you project

D. Body language is the most important contributor to charisma

E. Body language expresses what’s going on internally. When you need to be charismatic, do something to get your mind right.

F. Visualization can help the mental state. Visualize the unfolding of events in vivid detail. Visualize the reactions you want. Visualize yourself behaving the way you want.

G. Use a “warm-up”. If you’re going into a situation where you need to be charismatic, warm-up beforehand with things that lead to the desired mental state.

H. The body affects the mind. Adopt the right posture, body language, and facial expressions to help get you into the right mental state.

I. Pages 112-113: Good summary of some of the charisma styles

J. On first impressions - People like people who are like them.

K. Similarities in attire, appearance, demeanor, and speech.

L. Think about the situation you’re going into. Dress accordingly.

M. Use handshakes to break through the physical barrier. A good handshake: Before- Free right hand (not holding anything), no cold drinks in right hand, stand up to shake hands, keep hands out of pockets. During – make good eye contact, stand squarely to them, head straight, hand straight up

N. Ask open ended questions (no yes or no questions) to keep them talking about themselves

O. People won’t remember what you talked about, but they will remember how your conversation with them made them feel

P. To have interest, take interest

Q. Use language that is relatable to the audience or those you’re interacting with

R. Try to exit an interaction with a positive feeling. Make them laugh or say something kind or provide them value in some way

S. Communicating presence

i. Charismatic Listening
1. People want to be heard and understood
2. Never interrupt
3. Allow others to interrupt you – people love to hear themselves talk
a. Ninja tip: In interviews, let the other person talk about themselves, what they like, or what they’re passionate about. To take it a step further, get them talking about it to convey your interest in them.
4. The most important trick to being a good listener – pause before answering. This conveys that you are considering what they’re saying.
5. Flow of reactions: The person finishes speaking>face reacts to what they say>pause for a second to think>reply

T. Communicating warmth and power

i. Charismatic speaking
1. You make people feel good and people will subconsciously associate those good feelings they have about themselves to you. People associate you with the way you make them feel. This includes interactions that aren’t face to face. It can be emails, texts, etc. If your job is to repeatedly deliver bad news, you will be associated with the feelings people get when they receive the bad news.
2. Take a compliment and make them feel good for giving it to you
3. Become truly interested in them and you’ll make more friends than you can by trying to get others interested in you
a. Ninja tip: Imagine that the person you’re talking to is someone you’ve been dying to have a conversation with i.e. Einstein, Warren Buffet famous business people, etc
4. Find ways to create positive associations in interactions with people
a. Enthusiasm
b. Smile real big and make eye contact with them
c. Break the physical barrier somehow
d. Get them talking about what interests them, more so, get them talking about stuff that genuinely excites them
e. Ask them questions about things they’re passionate about
f. When it’s your turn to talk, say something that makes it seem like you can relate to their interests and then redirect the conversation toward them by getting them to talk more
5. Get Graphic. Use visual stories and metaphors to convey your meaning.
6. Voice Modulations:
a. Pitch: High or Low, volume: Loud or quiet, tone: Resonant or hollow, tempo: Fast or slow, rhythm: Fluid or staccato
i. Vocal Power
1. Pitch and tone: Lower and more baritone

2. Volume: Project loudly so as to reach people on the
   far side of the room
3. Tempo: Slow and measured with frequent pauses to convey confidence
   ii. Vocal Warmth
4. Smile. Smile or imagine smiling while you speak. It projects warmth when you speak.
   U. Charismatic Body Language

i. What you say is understood on a cognitive level by your audience. How you say it (vocal elements and body language) is more visceral and emotional.
ii. “logic makes people think. Emotion makes people act”
iii. It’s emotion that you need to access in order to inspire others to follow, act, obey, etc
iv. If your body language is anti-charismatic, it doesn’t matter what you say
v. Be aware of “emotional contagion” – the process by which the emotions expressed by one individual are caught by another. This is especially important when you’re in a leadership position.
vi. Conscious Mirroring: when interacting with others, slowly begin to mirror them. Match their body language and voice (tone, tempo, volume, etc). This is a good technique to build rapport and establish trust.
vii. If someone is exhibiting negative body language, gradually begin to mirror them, stay in the somewhat mirrored state while they’re talking and in the beginning of the interaction, then as you respond, begin to infuse more positive body language and vocal elements into the interaction. This is called the Mirror-then-lead strategy.
viii. Don’t mirror very negative behaviors. Anger, defensive postures, etc. Try to get them to break that posture somehow, then use the mirror-then-lead strategy. Remember that your physiology can affect your psychology, so it can be helpful to try and change their body language before trying to change their mind.
ix. Eye Contact: Relax eyes and face. Relieve tension around the eyes.
x. Power Posture: Take up space. People assess confidence based on posture and space that people are willing to take up. Head level, chest inflated, shoulders back, shoulder-width stance, hands out of pockets. The physiology/psychology relationship also enables us to assume expansive postures to gain confidence if we feel we are needing it.
xi. Be poised when standing and talking. DO NOT fidget and avoid unnecessary movements. Keep hands out of pockets. Don’t cross arms. Avoid excessive nodding.

V. Difficult people – on winning them over

i. Make them rationalize in your favor. Ask them for a favor, help, or opinion. This causes them to let down their walls and subconsciously instills the sense that you value them and makes them begin to like you.
ii. Express appreciation – be personal and specific. Praise in public, critique in private. You can also express appreciation for someone’s impact on an idea you had, or a project, etc.

W. The Charisma Myth has a section about dealing with difficult situations. In the section, it covers dealing with difficult people, delivering bad news, delivering criticism, apologies. Didn’t feel like reading but could be a good resource for future situations.

X. Long chapter on “Presenting with Charisma” about public speaking. Good resource for the future.

Summary in my own words: Charisma is a set of behaviors that causes people to like you, be drawn to you, and open to following you. The charismatic behaviors are power, presence, and warmth. Each is pivotal to being considered charismatic.
Charisma is mostly conveyed through non-verbal communication – body language and facial expressions.

Presence is a combination of being present (truly listening – not letting things distract you, not thinking about how you’re going to respond) and having presence (that thing that causes people to notice you when you walk in a room). It is conveyed through your eyes, face, and body language. The goal is to make them feel like they are the most important person in the world to you without saying a single word.

Relieve the tension and your eyes and express interest. Discreetly mirror them - their body language, tone, tempo, enthusiasm. If they’re sad or display negative body language, subtly mirror them while they’re talking, then slowly display more positive body language and lead them into a more positive state (mirror then lead strategy)

Always sit and stand in a power posture. Take up space and convey confidence. Understand the physiology/phsychology link and use it when necessary. DO NOT fidget. Interact with people and imagine they are someone you really want to talk to and learn from (warren buffett, bill gates, einstein). Ask open ended questions (no yes or no Q’s). They won’t remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel…so strive to make them feel good about themselves. Talk to them about their interests, their experiences, and eventually get it to what excites them, what they aspire to, and any dreams they have. Talk in language that is relatable to them. To convey warmth, smile and smile when talking. To convey power and confidence, deepen voice, medium tempo, alter intonations. NEVER interrupt them, let them interrupt you, and pause before replying (to convey you’ve thought about what they said)

Litmus test: do my body and face express interest? If I weren’t talking, would they feel heard and understood?

OVERARCHING PRINCIPLES: 
1.	People tend to accept what you project
2.	To have interest, take interest
3.	Logic makes people think, emotion makes people act
2.	PUTTING IT INTO ACTION
A.	Power, presence, warmth
B.	Focus on body language
C.	Focus on the eyes. Eye contact and interested eyes.
D.	Never interrupt
E.	Pause before replying
F.	Sit and stand – POWER POSTURE
G.	Don’t fidget
H.	The conversation is about them, not you. Talk to them about them.
I.	Mirroring
J.	Imaginary 
K.    Voice Modulations

Answer 1

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