7 Flashcards

1
Q

General response to emotional situations

A
  1. constructively (assertive)
  2. compliantly (passive)
  3. attacking (aggressive)
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2
Q

Passive

A

The act of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person

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3
Q

Aggression

A

Any offensive action, attack, procedure or encroachment on somebody else’s rights. Hostile or violent behaviour or attitudes toward another; readiness to attack or confront.

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4
Q

Assertion

A

Standing up for ourselves in interpersonally effective ways that exercise our personal rights and wants while respecting the rights of others

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5
Q

Passive/ Submissive behaviours

A
  • Peace keeping
  • Non confrontational
  • Avoid hurting others
  • Other more important
  • Powerless
  • Low self esteem
  • I don’t matter
  • Can’t say no
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6
Q

Aggressive/ Dominating behaviour

A
  • You-messages
  • Extreme messages
  • Inequality (passive, polite, subservient, insulting, condescending)
  • Intense eye contact or eye avoidance
  • Unexpressive or overly expressive
  • Overly soft or loud & accusatory
  • Aggressive NO
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7
Q

Assertive behaviour

A
  • I-message
  • Relaxed & erect posture
  • Focused eye contact
  • Expressive, genuine expression
  • Normal volume & rhythm
  • Congruency
  • Ability to say no
    Lies between aggressive and passive
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8
Q

Passive goals

A

To appease others and avoid conflict at any cost

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9
Q

Assertive goals

A

To give and receive respect, to be fair, and to compromise

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10
Q

Aggressive goals

A

To dominate and win

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11
Q

Rights/ Needs of Passive

A

Violates ones own rights by failing to express oneself, lack of respect for one’s own needs

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12
Q

Rights/ Needs of Assertive

A

Standing up for personal rights and needs in a way which recognises and respects another person’s rights and needs

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13
Q

Rights/ Needs of Aggressive

A

Directly standing up for personal rights and needs in a way that violates the right and needs of the other person

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14
Q

Emotions of Passive

A

Internalise feelings and tensions, fear, anxiety, guilt, depression, nervousness

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15
Q

Emotions of Assertive

A

Aware of feelings and deals with them, tension managed constructively

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16
Q

Emotions of Aggressive

A

Tension turned outward, anger, rage, hate, hostility

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17
Q

NV of Passive

A

“shrinking” non-verbals, moving away, downcast eyes, shifting of weight, whining hesitant voice, wringing of hands

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18
Q

NV of Assertive

A

“appropriate” non-verbals, comfortable distance, good eye contact, standing comfortably on two feet, strong steady tone of voice, hands loosely at sides

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19
Q

NV of Aggressive

A

“big” non-verbals, “in your face”, glaring eyes, leaning forward, loud raised tone of voice, point finger

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20
Q

Verbals of Passive

A

Maybe, I guess, I wonder, don’t you think, um, uh, don’t bother, it doesn’t really matter

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21
Q

Verbals of Assertive

A

I think, I feel, why don’t we, what do you think, how do you feel

22
Q

Verbals of Aggressive

A

You’d better, should, ought, you’re kidding, and using sexist or racist terms

23
Q

An assertive position

A
  • Seeks a balance of power and will pay attention to their own needs and to the needs of the other person
  • Will speak their mind and welcome others doing the same
  • Is usually able to manage their tensions and keep them within a constructive range
  • Is able to take time while deciding what to say
24
Q

Assertive behaviour techniques

A
  • Establish and maintain good eye contact
  • Friendly or neutral facial expression
  • Stand comfortably but firmly on two feet with hands loose at sides
  • Talk in a strong steady tone of voice
  • Maintain a comfortable interaction distance
  • Use cooperative words (let’s see if we can…, how can we…)
  • Make empathic statements (what do you think?, how do you feel?)
  • Use of “I” messages and statements
25
Q

Negative assertion

A
  • Expressing difference of opinion
  • Giving negative feedback
  • Responding to personal attack
  • Responding to domination/pushiness
  • Refusing a request or unreasonable demand
26
Q

Positive assertion

A
  • Giving compliments & positive feedback
  • Expressing affection & love
  • Initiating interactions
  • Asking for help or a favour, making request
  • Expressing vulnerability
27
Q

Obstacles of assertion

A

Fear of:

  • Provoking others’ anger
  • Inviting others’ disapproval
  • Hurting others
  • Being disliked or rejected
  • Revealing anxiety/weakness
  • Breaching gender or social ‘rules’
  • Breaching cultural ‘rules’
28
Q

Types of power (personal and professional)

A
  • Coercive
  • Reward
  • Legitimate
  • Expert
  • Consultative
  • Referent
  • Charismatic
29
Q

Coercive power

A

Others can harm us psychologically or physically. Punishment, threats or removal of privileges

30
Q

Reward power

A

Others can reward behaviour, attitude, performance, or personality trait
(positive reinforcement)

31
Q

Legitimate power

A

Associated with position, usually one of leadership or authority
(boss, police)

32
Q

Expert power

A

Skills, qualifications, experience or resources that person others do not have. Specialist knowledge

33
Q

Consultative power

A

Associated with democratic principles

34
Q

Referent power

A

Identification with those with common goals

35
Q

Charismatic power

A

Image, personality and charisma, physical appearance

36
Q

Implications of passive behaviour

A
  • Allows your rights to be violated
  • Allows others’ needs, beliefs, values, behaviour to be more important than your own
  • Emotionally dishonest
  • Denies intimacy & relationship growth
  • Suffering faulty diagnosis/treatment
  • Being manipulated
  • Being victimised/bullied
  • May lead to anxiety, anger, resentment
  • Leads to “pressure cooker emotional effect”
37
Q

Payoffs of being passive

A
  • Nice’ person…praised for selflessness
  • Comfort zone
  • Take no responsibility for when things go wrong
  • Helplessness invites protection
  • Can be controlling:
    Martyr
    Crybaby
    Weakling
38
Q

Choosing behaviour style

A
Consider:
- Situation/goal
- Costs/benefits
- Rights/needs
- Emotions
- Nonverbals
- Verbal messages
Consequences of style, long and short term
39
Q

What is a direct message

A

The ability to come straight to the point suggesting people who speak directly tend to let others know exactly what they have in mind, with a minimum of ‘beating around the bush

Being specific and concrete means that the sender is explicit and definite about what is being said through the use of tangible, observable and measurable terms

40
Q

Direct messages allow

A
  • Clarity of messages
  • Observations rather than interpretations
  • Other person to be informed on the effect of their behaviour
41
Q

I messages format

A
  1. Emotion or feeling
  2. Behaviour causing the emotion
  3. Consequences of the behaviour
  4. Solution/ Request for change
42
Q

Using I messages

A
  • Considers and respects yourself and others
  • Can express positive or negative emotions
  • Takes ownership of words, avoids placing blame
  • Behaviour mentioned should be objective “when this happens to me” rather than “when you do this”
43
Q

Requesting for change in behaviour

A
  • Two sets of needs
  • Request vs demand
  • Must be realistic
  • Power of words (loaded)
44
Q

Importance of assertion

A
  • Increased self confidence
  • Able to take calculated risks
  • Able to be open, trusting
  • Respond effectively in a variety of situations
  • Better able to competently negotiate
  • Improved conflict management skills
  • Improved problem solving skills
  • More able to show respect & empathy to others
  • Balanced at meeting both own needs & those of others
45
Q

An assertive person

A
  • Comfortable with agreement or disagreement
  • Able to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to requests
  • Does not feel the need to explain actions/decisions
  • Can state change of mind
  • Accepts that he/she can make mistakes & learn from them
  • Respects own rights, values, opinions, beliefs and those of others
  • Seeks to meet own needs & those of others
  • Takes responsibility for own decisions
46
Q

6 step assertion process

A
  • Preparation
  • Send message
  • Be silent & listen
  • Reflectively listen to defensive response
  • Recycle process
  • Focus on solution
47
Q

Defensive responses

A
  • Hostile
  • Question
  • Sidestepping/debating
  • Tears
  • Withdrawal
48
Q

Escalation

A
  • Used when dealing with more complex issues
  • Sending messages without threat, blame or demand
  • An assertive person is mindful of their rights as well as the rights of others
  • Increasingly firm with your verbal and non-verbal processes
49
Q

What does escalation convey

A

Addresses the process issue through two specific and concrete pieces of info

1) The behaviour or actions of the other person (“You raised your voice and your face became red”)
2) the consequences or outcomes for you (“I found it difficult to continue”)

Also avoids blame, demands and defensiveness

50
Q

Escalating assertively

A
  • Listen mindfully to other party
  • Reflect
  • Reassert…be specific & concrete
  • Avoid blame or demands
  • Do not become defensive if other party ‘attacks’ you
  • Do not become sidetracked with other issues
  • Listen, reflect
  • Reassert with strengthened message