7 Flashcards
General response to emotional situations
- constructively (assertive)
- compliantly (passive)
- attacking (aggressive)
Passive
The act of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person
Aggression
Any offensive action, attack, procedure or encroachment on somebody else’s rights. Hostile or violent behaviour or attitudes toward another; readiness to attack or confront.
Assertion
Standing up for ourselves in interpersonally effective ways that exercise our personal rights and wants while respecting the rights of others
Passive/ Submissive behaviours
- Peace keeping
- Non confrontational
- Avoid hurting others
- Other more important
- Powerless
- Low self esteem
- I don’t matter
- Can’t say no
Aggressive/ Dominating behaviour
- You-messages
- Extreme messages
- Inequality (passive, polite, subservient, insulting, condescending)
- Intense eye contact or eye avoidance
- Unexpressive or overly expressive
- Overly soft or loud & accusatory
- Aggressive NO
Assertive behaviour
- I-message
- Relaxed & erect posture
- Focused eye contact
- Expressive, genuine expression
- Normal volume & rhythm
- Congruency
- Ability to say no
Lies between aggressive and passive
Passive goals
To appease others and avoid conflict at any cost
Assertive goals
To give and receive respect, to be fair, and to compromise
Aggressive goals
To dominate and win
Rights/ Needs of Passive
Violates ones own rights by failing to express oneself, lack of respect for one’s own needs
Rights/ Needs of Assertive
Standing up for personal rights and needs in a way which recognises and respects another person’s rights and needs
Rights/ Needs of Aggressive
Directly standing up for personal rights and needs in a way that violates the right and needs of the other person
Emotions of Passive
Internalise feelings and tensions, fear, anxiety, guilt, depression, nervousness
Emotions of Assertive
Aware of feelings and deals with them, tension managed constructively
Emotions of Aggressive
Tension turned outward, anger, rage, hate, hostility
NV of Passive
“shrinking” non-verbals, moving away, downcast eyes, shifting of weight, whining hesitant voice, wringing of hands
NV of Assertive
“appropriate” non-verbals, comfortable distance, good eye contact, standing comfortably on two feet, strong steady tone of voice, hands loosely at sides
NV of Aggressive
“big” non-verbals, “in your face”, glaring eyes, leaning forward, loud raised tone of voice, point finger
Verbals of Passive
Maybe, I guess, I wonder, don’t you think, um, uh, don’t bother, it doesn’t really matter