6 Flashcards
First position
- “sender” – usually in the 1st position
- You see, hear, and feel the situation through your own eyes, ears, and emotions
- You think about what is important to you and what you want to achieve
- Use terms such as “I see”, “I hear”, “I want” and “I feel”
- You experience the situation as you in your own shoes
First person basic skills
- Basic information giving skills
- Discernment
- Disclosure skills (what, when and how)
- Assertion skills
- Escalation skills
3 main concepts for sending info
Context (professional/ friends/ family)
Content (what/what not to say)
Process (must consider context -includes cultural context)
Consider the situation you are in (context) before deciding what you will say (content) and how you will say it (process)
Self disclosure
Purposefully providing info about yourself to others that they would not learn otherwise
Appropriate disclosure lies between under-disclosing and over-disclosing
Self disclosure goals
- Development of self-concept
- Impression formation
- Others understand you better
- Trust & acceptance
- Attraction => friendship => intimacy
- Psychological relief
Gender differences with self disclosure
- Women disclose more than men
- Men & women both disclose more to women
- Women more aware of cues to moderate disclosure
Male ‘Report’ talk: want to share info, knowledge, negotiate, preserve independence
vs.
Female ‘Rapport’ talk: share info, building rapport, bonding
Development of self concept
We “try things on” to develop the person we are and want to be such as our goals, social life, values, beliefs, abilities
Impression formation
Making a first impression such as a halo effect. We want to establish ourselves as a credible source
Johari Window
The Mendel square of known to self and not known to self, known to others and not known to others
S-O = open S-N/O = hidden N/S-O = blind N/S-N/O = unknown
Social penetration model
Explains how much and what kinds of information people reveal in particular stages of a relationship.
The dartboard where around the model, along the outermost layers, is the “breadth” - surface level information about different aspects of us. Into the centre is the “depth”, revealing more information about us as a deeper level of knowledge is gained.
Levels of disclosure
Level 5 - Clichéd communication: “How are you?”
Level 4 - Facts/ biographical info: name, job, etc
Level 3 - Attitudes/personal ideas – non-controversial, safe topics
Level 2 - Personal feelings
Level 1 - Peak communication – not in all &/or most relationships
Guidelines of disclosure
- Goal: why are you disclosing?
- Proportion: the depth and breadth needs to be proportioned to your goal
- Respect and caring: difficult to disclose to people you do not care about or respect
- Timing: emerge from and relate to what is happening
- Gradual: try not to overwhelm others with your disclosure – supported by the level of trust
- Impact: assess what impact your disclosure will have
- A balanced picture: disclosure that is merely the “confession” of weaknesses is inappropriate
What should be received during disclosure (guidelines continuation)
- Shared context: appropriate when the people involved in giving and receiving are working at the same problem
- Response: indication that it has been heard
- Mutuality or reciprocity (dyadic effect): if you disclose to others, they tend to reciprocate – if mutuality does not develop, you may decide that further disclosure is inappropriate
- Ongoing relationship: Should not be a random act, rather in a situation where the relationship will continue
Strategies to avoid self disclosure
- Change the subject
- Provide a broad/vague/general response
- Be assertive – help the other to understand your reasons for maintaining privacy
Resisting an over-discloser
- Polite assertion
- Blunt/direct rejection
- Humour
- Change of topic/focus
