a 1 Flashcards
(22 cards)
The st are
The st are trained to believe that in any conflict they would lose and that any criticism would crush them. They are trained to feel that they have no right to impose their views—or for that matter, themselves—on the world. They have been trained from childhood to believe that their role is to accept and live up to the standards that other people impose.
They are trained
They are trained to offer no opinion until others have done so, and then only to agree. To go along with any request. To impose no boundaries or barriers. To prevent yourself from ever saying “no.” To give up on directing your own life. To pacify those who might disapprove of you. To hide your ideas, your dreams, your wishes, and your emotions. To dress, act,
and live in order to blend into the background and disappear. To exist not so much as a person, but as a mirror for other people: reflecting back their ideas, their wishes, their expectations, their hopes, and their goals. To reflect and thereby vanish. Anything to keep yourself from really being there.
A way that acknowledges
A way that acknowledges the right of everyone to be every bit as irrational, flawed, and human as we are.
basic skills and ideas
basic skills and ideas involved in being more fully present in your world and your life. Bringing them into your life will take practic
Or perhaps it is hard
Or perhaps it is hard for you to tolerate differences in others or
to hold back from trying to control them.
Reading won’t be enough.
Reading won’t be enough. Throughout the book you will find a series of self-assessments, short writing exercises, and practice suggestions. Stop. Find a pen. Do the work. Carry out the practice exercises. Doing so will involve a greater investment on your part, but it will almost certainly generate a much greater results
Sooner or later
Sooner or later, your life will convince you that you need to be able to
stand up for yourself, to be yourself, and to do so in a way that doesnt cut ties but in a way that still seeks connection and that invites others to be themselves as well.
It’s always easier
It’s always easier to learn these skills in practice sessions before you try them out in real life. Fake insults, for example, are a lot easier to handle than the real thing
mirror practice
mirror practice can be a helpful way of evaluating how you
come across.
Luckily, you don’t have to wait
Luckily, you don’t have to wait for the exercises in this workbook to practice assertiveness. Difficult interactions happen to most of us fairly often. You can take advantage of these situations by recording what happened and how you handled it and then working out a more assertive alternative.
As you use these forms
As you use these forms you will find that you gradually become better
and better at coming up with assertive responses. And as you read this workbook you will be able to apply the concepts discussed to your own life. Eventually the more effective responses will occur to you right in the situation, and you will be able to put them into practice.
Notice what you will have done. You will have made unwelcome situations welcome. They are no longer threats or disappointments. They are opportunities.
Assertive strategies are designed
Assertive strategies are designed to help you maintain control over your own life while letting go of attempting to control others.
There may be certain areas
There may be certain areas, however, in which you have particular difficulty.
Chapters 2 through 4
Chapters 2 through 4 describe the barriers to assertive behavior.
how the stress response
how the stress response actually pulls us away from using the assertive style.
overcome stress related
overcome stress related barriers to effective communication.
how the expectations of others
how the expectations of others can make it more difficult for us to be assertive. Over the years you may have unintentionally led others to expect nonassertive behavior from you, and they may react less favorably than you might think to the changes you want to make.
consider your own belief system and
consider your own belief system and how
it might impose barriers to assertiveness. Becoming aware of self-defeating beliefs is an essential step toward discarding them. You might never behave assertively until you have surmounted the belief barrier.
a series of positive, supportive beliefs
a series of positive, supportive beliefs for you to consider. These beliefs are associated with assertive action and can assist in guiding your decisions about the way that you communicate.
Nonverbal communication
Nonverbal communication tells others about our expectations, attitudes, and level of confidence. Even the best assertive communication can be undermined by a poor nonverbal style
As time passes
As time passes, you may begin to find that these situations become easier and easier to handle.
Assertive people want to
Assertive people want to be themselves in a way thats not overly concerned about sts feelings but more concerned about whats authentic and wht makes more sense and ultimately benefiting them with awareness
