Chapter 4 - Beware 'yes' - master 'no' Flashcards
(22 cards)
For good negotiators, “No” is pure gold. That negative provides a great opportunity for you and the other party to…
Clarify what you really want by eliminating what you don’t want “No” is a safe choice that maintains the status quo; it provides a temporary oasis of control.
Is it true that: At the end of the day, “Yes” is often meaningless answer that hides deeper objections (and “Maybe” is even worse).
True
“No” is just a gateway to “Yes”. A lot of “Nos” for the only yes that mattered.
“There has to be something I can do”
“No” is the start of negotiations,
Not the end of it. ‘The right to veto.’
In fact, your invitation for the other side to say “No” has an amazing power to…
bring down barriers and allow for beneficial communication.
What people mean when someone tells you “No”…
7 ways of interpreting
‘I’m not yet ready to agree’
‘You are making me feel uncomfortable’
‘I do not understand’
‘I don’t think I can afford it’
‘I want something else’
‘I need more information on’
‘I want to talk it over with someone else’
When you hear no:
“What would you need to make it work”
“It seems like there’s something here that bothers you”
“What about this doesn’t work for you”
What are the three kinds of “Yes”: They sound almost the same so you have to learn how to recognize which one is being used.
1- Counterfeit (exact imitation of something valuable)
2- Confirmation
3- Commitment
What is the Counterfeit “Yes”:
Is one in which your counterpart plans on saying “no” but either feels “yes” is an easier escape route or just wants to disingenuously keep the conversation going to obtain more information or some other kind of edge.
What is a Confirmation “Yes”:
Generally innocent, a reflexive response to a black-or-white question. Affirmation with no promise of action
What is a Commitment “Yes”:
The real deal, it’s a true agreement, a signature on the contract.
How will people let us in?
We get there by asking for “No”. It’s the word that gives the speaker the feelings of safety and control. “No” starts conversations and create human heavens to get to the final “Yes” of commitment. An early “Yes” is often just a cheap, counterfeit dodge.
Example to welcome a “No”.
Set: “No” Oriented setup questions.
“Is now a bad time to talk?” Either you get “Yes, it is a bad time” followed by a good time or a request to go away, or you get “No, it’s not” and total focus
“No” has a lot of skills
“No” allows the real issues to be brought fourth
“No” protects people from making - and lets them correct - ineffective decisions
“No” slow things down so that people can freely embrace their decisions and the agreements they enter into;
“No” helps people feel safe, secure, emotionally comfortable, and in control of their decision
“No” moves everyone’s efforts forward.
Sometimes, if you’re talking to somebody who is just not listening, the only way you can crack their cranium is to antagonize them into “No”.
One great way to do this is to mislabel one of the other party’s emotions or desires:
“So it seems that you really are eager to leave this job” when they clearly wants to stay.
When people don’t say “No”.
They might be indecisive or confused or have a hidden agenda.
Email magic:
It may seem like a rude way to address someone in business, but you have to get over that. It’s not rude, and though it’s direct, ignoring is rude.
“Have you given up on the project?”
The point is that this one-sentence email encapsulates the best of “No”- oriented questions and plays on your counterpart’s natural human aversion to loss.
For a good negotiator, they gain their power by understanding their counterpart’s situation and extracting information about their counterpart’s desires and needs.
Extracting that information means getting the other party to feel safe and in control. And while it may sound contradictory, the way to get there is by getting the other party to disagree, to draw their own boundaries, to define their desires as a function of what they do not want.
Triggering “No” peels away the plastic falsehood of “Yes” and gets you to what’s really at stake
Break the habit of attempting to get people to say “yes”. Being pushed for “yes” makes people defensive.
“Yes” is the final goal of negotiation, but don’t aim for it at the start.
Asking someone for “Yes” too quickly in a conversation get their guard up and paints you as an untrustworthy salesman.
Negotiate in their world. Persuasion is about the other party convincing themselves that the solution you want is their own idea.
It’s not about you.
