Chapter 5- Trigger the two words that Immediately transform any negotiation Flashcards
One crucial aspect of any negotiation is to first…
to figure out how your adversary arrived at his position.
Ex: Sabaya threw out the $10 million ransom based on a business calculation
Before you convince them to see what you’re trying to accomplish, you have to say things that will get them to say,
“That’s right”
The “that’s right” breakthrough usually doesn’t commence at the beginning of a negotiation. It’s invisible to the counterpart when it occurs, and they embrace what you’ve said.
To them, it’s a subtle epiphany.
Is it true that: When your adversaries say, “That’s right,” they feel they have assessed what you’ve said and pronounced it as correct of their own free will. They embrace it.
True.
Which one is the winning ticket and which one is disaster?
“That’s right”:
“You’re right”:
You’re right: Disaster
That’s right: Winning ticket
It works every time. Tell people “you’re right” and they get happy smile on their face and leave you alone for at least twenty-four hours.
But you haven’t agreed to their position. You’ve used: “you’re right” to get them to quit bothering you.
How Chris convinced his son Brandon of “That’s right”:
“You seem to think it’s unmanly to dodge a block,” I told him. “You think it’s cowardly to get out of someone’s way that’s trying to hit you”
Some tools that Chris wrote down instructing Benjie…
- Effective Pauses: Silence is powerful. We told Benjie to use it for emphasis, to encourage Sabaya to keep talking until eventually, like clearing out a swamp, the emotions were drained from the dialogue.
- Minimal Encouragers: Besides silence, we instructed using simple phrases, such as “Yes”, “Ok”, “Uh-huh”, or “I see” to to effectively convey that Benjie was now paying full attention to Sabaya and all he had to say.
- Mirroring: Rather than argue with Sabaya and try to separate Schilling from the “war damages”, Benjie would listen and repeat back what Sabaya said.
- Labeling: Benjie should give Sabaya’s feelings a name and identify with how he felt. “It all seems so tragically unfair, I can now see why you sound so angry.”
- Paraphrase: Benjie should repeat what Sabaya is saying back to him in Benjie’s own words. This, we told him, would powerfully show him you really do understand and aren’t merely parroting his concerns.
- Summarize: A good summary is the combination of rearticulating the meaning what is said plus the acknowledgment of the emotions underlying that meaning (paraphrasing + labelling = summary)
Selling to a unfriendly doctor that is passionate about treating his patients… How could she put her understanding of his needs, desires, and passions to work for her?
“The last time I was in we spoke about your patients with this condition. I remember thinking that you seemed very passionate about treating them, and how you worked hard to tailor the specific treatment to each and every patient.”
“You seem to tailor specific treatments and medications for each patient.” … he dropped his guard and the walls came down after she recognized his passion for his patients
Korean student… “Stay in your division… checked the regulation and the rules were clear to plan the escape”
“Is there any reason you want me to go to the semiconductor headquarters?” he said
“It’s the best position for you.”
“The best position?”, “It sounds like there’s no regulation that I have to remain with the semiconductor division.”
“So it sounds like you could approve my new position no matter which division, as long as I was on headquarters and could help you communicate with the top managers.”
two black swans:
His boss needed someone to help him network and communicate in headquartes
His boss would be up for a promotion and needed someone to talk him up to the CEO.
Reaching: That’s right….
Creates Breakthroughs.
Use a summary to trigger a “that’s right”
The building blocks of a good summary are a label combined with paraphrasing.
Identify, rearticulate, and emotionally affirm “the world according to…”
