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1

If names influence identity, do they reveal something about the individual in the context of a relationship?

- Foss, Found women who changed their name rated their marriage as more important (BUT it’s correlation)
-Twenge, Women who held more feminist ideologies were less likely to change their name (BUT still correlation)
-Stafford, found no relationship between dependency or autonomy and changing your name

2

Gender differences in conversation

-Most of the research done looked at same gendered conversations (Not really looking at opposite gendered conversations )
-Most people use language to build and solidify those relationships; the end goal is identical but how we get there can differ
-Men talked about sports, hobbies, activities
-Women talked a lot more about relationships, family, reproductive matters, more likely to talk about failure whereas men dont bc they want to appear strong and try to live up to that stereotype
But men don’t necessarily have the same experiences as women
->50% of women called friends once a week, 0% of men did
->Do this say something about women’s need for conversations?


3

Do men and women manage conversations differently?

1. Body alignment
Women: facing each other
Men: stand beside eachother

2. Activity preference
Men: activities
Women: for talk sake

3. Expressions of sympathy
Women: empathy “that would be hard”
->women do more of the sympathizing or empathizing where as men like to give options to fix the problems instead

4. Tentative speech
Female Register
->Women more likely to end sentences with a question; do you get what I mean? Are you sure?
Which is perceived as warmer – stereotypical of women
Often viewed as less competent – again, stereotypical
->Might be that they just have a different goal (forming relationships) and are strategic about that

5. Interruptions (opposite sex)
Men: more interruptions


4

Recent criticisms in Gender differences in conversation

There ARE differences – but they are VERY small

Elizabeth Aries- shows on graph how men are slightly more task oriented (shows there was an exaggeration on this emphasis.)

Context dependent?
You will see more differences in the short term interactions than in the long term

Accounted for by other variables?
Are there other things that could contribute? yes! Social roles, status, power
Men and women (talk and body alignment) are the same in positions of power or weakness

5

Social Exchange theory?

• Exchange theory is an economic model that suggests the we seek out people who can give us rewards that are greater than or equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with them
-each person provide to the benefits and rewards that the other wants (the mutual exchange of desirable rewards)
o Rewards-costs= outcome
(pos. if rewards outweigh the cost but people want the best possible outcomes)
What is the process of staying or going?
-Might seem like business but this is exactly what we do!
->Many of our friends have quirks – but we ignore because the rewards outweigh the cost
->Long distance relationships, the costs are greater so the rewards have to be also
-3 elements: peoples outcomes, CLs and CLalts

6

What are the two criteria with which we evaluate the (positive or negative) outcomes we receive from relationships?
-satisfaction does not depend simply on how good our outcomes are in an absolute sense

whether the outcomes from social exchange are positive or negative are not as important as how they compare to (1) our expectations/CLs, and (2) our perceptions of how well we could manage without our current partner/CL of alternatives

7

interdependance theory suggests that we each have a comparison level, what is that?

it describes the value of the outcomes that we've come to expect and believe that we deserve in our dealings with others (our minimum expectations)

-our CLs are the standard by which our satisfaction with a relationship is measured
-how happy you are depends on how much your outcomes surpass your expectations
(even if youre still making a profit in your dealings with others, you still may not be happy if the profit isn't big enough to meet your expectations
SO:
Outcomes - CL = satisfaction or dissatisfaction

8

where do we get our comparison levels?

-our CL's are based off of past experiences
-people who have a history of highly rewarding partnerships are likely to have high CLs meaning that they expect and deserve very good outcomes now. (opposite is true for people who've had troublesome relationships-expect less/lower CLs)
Also get CLs:
-By observing the relationship of family, friends, acquaintances
-By reading about or watching the relationships of strangers
Ex: people discover on V-day that their relationship did not live up to the hallmark expectations

9

what are comparison levels of alternatives?

we use a second criterion besides CLs to determine our happiness in a relationship
**Defined as the goodness of outcomes in available alternatives (including no relationship of that kind)

CLalt is used to determine whether we could be doing even better somewhere else
-CLalt describes the outcomes you'd receive by leaving your current relationship and moving to the best alternative partnership or situation you have available
-they are our lowest level of outcome we will tolerate from our present partner because if there are bigger/better rewards out there that you can get, youll go for them because we want the best possible deal we can get (wouldn't matter if youre still satisfied in your current relationship/situation)
-influenced by our lost investments, our access to information(are we aware of them?) and our perceptions of altneratives(self esteem)
-if satisfied in current relationship, may not even notice the alternatives( not looking)
- these predict stability and commitment in relationship

Outcomes - CLalt = Dependence or independence

10

why would someone stay in a relationship that makes them miserable?

_explained by CLalts:
even if we're unhappy, we wont leave unless there is a better option to go to (they'd be worse off if they left)
-shows that our contentment in a relationship is not a major determinant of whether we stay or go
-determines our dependance on our relationships (big gap b/w our current outcomes and our poor alternatives= more dependent on relationship)

11

overall, what are the three factors of Interdependence theory that predict satisfaction and stability

1. Outcomes a person receives from the relationship (whether the abs. outcome is pos. or neg.)
2. Outcomes a person expects to receive from a relationship (if outcome is lower or higher than our comparison levels)
3. Outcomes a person believes are available in alternatives (whether we have a high or low comparison of alternatives)

12

Four different broad kinds of relationships result when considering CLs, CLalts and the outcomes people experience: what are they?

1. Satisfying & stable
Current outcomes > CL Current outcomes > Clalt
Exceeds our expectations and better than all alternatives
2. Satisfying but unstable
Current outcomes > CL Current outcomes < Clalt
May leave the happy relationship if something better comes along
3. Unsatisfying & unstable
Current outcomes < CL Current outcomes < Clalt
Relationship falls short, alternatives look great! Highest risk of breakup
4. Unsatisfying but stable
Current outcomes < CL Current outcomes > Clalt
If the alternatives are really crappy – we’re staying!
Might be why women did not divorce a lot historically

13

Comparison levels across time?

Comparison levels are influenced by experiences so our CLs tend to fluctuate along the outcomes we receive (they are not stable)
-sociocultural influences may have also caused our expectations/CLs to rise

-when we first encounter excellent outcomes(clean house, backrub, nice meal etc.), we're delighted, but our pleasure may slowly dwindle as we come to take such outcomes/benefits for granted and therefore our CLs rise
-Therefore, rewarding relationships may gradually become less and less satisfying even though nothing but our expectations has changed
-finding the love of your life does not make you happy forever

14

Comparison levels of alternatives may also change across time

Someone you weren’t expecting pops up in your life
ex. Tom sellic moves next door
-your level of dependence can fluctuate depending on the different alternatives (or lack of) that come about
-cultural changes have increased CLalts (more jobs for women, easer transportation, online dating, less restrictions on divorce (Divorce rate higher than ever)

15

what influences someones Level of dependence in a relationship(how much someone depends on the relationship for meeting her/his needs)?
*This theory can not be applied to an individual it has to be a couple

When satisfaction is high and commitment is high then dependence is high(er)
-less dependence on relationship if there are better alternatives out there for you

16

Consequence of dependency ?

maximizing mutually rewarding interactions
o interdependency= mutuality
->high interdependency means that things are going great

17

what are some processes related to relationship maintenance?

Self-disclosure – because of the trust and validation
Trust – linked to SD
Positive illusions – biases; if I see my partner as better than they are than I bet they are exceeding my expectations
Derogation of alternative partners – derogate attractive others, if I’m satisfied I generally don’t look. When I do look I can’t in a unbiased fashion; I derogate them because my partner is better
Relationship superiority – believing my relationship is better than everyone else and that it’ll last longer
Unrealistic optimism

18

what is Commitment

“..an avowed(self-acknowledged) or inferred intent of a person to maintain a relationship” ….Rosenblatt, 1977

It’s a subjective evaluation
3 theories linked to interdepedency but in turn relates to commitment
-Commitment preserves the interdependency

19

what is Johnson’s (1991, 1999) theory of commitment?
three types of commitment:
Sees it being as personal, subjective and a decision
*************EXAM ?

1. Personal commitment
Individual’s feeling that s/he WANTS to continue
2. Moral commitment
The feeling that the relationship OUGHT to continue (implies a moral judgement)
3. Structural commitment
The feeling that the relationship MUST continue (almost like a legal process)
*Personal & Moral are within the person

20

describe how in personal commitment the individual’s feeling that s/he wants to continue a relationship is a function of 3 things:

1) Attitude toward relationship
-Positive
2) Attitude toward partner
-Positive would contribute to wanting
3) Relational identity
-People have their identity embedded in the relationship
->Makes you want the relationship more
->You can be independent but still identify being in this relationship (is who you are defined by the relationship youre in? "drakes girlfriend")
*- Strongly linked but there may be situations where you have a more negative attitude towards one

21

describe why people may have moral commitment

-often comes from religious beliefs.
Strong link between religion and long commitment
“married for life”
-May be responsible for the fact that religiosity and marriage stability are positively correlated in empirical investigations.

22

describe how in Structural commitment (the feeling that the relationship must continue) is a function of 4 things

1. Irretrievable investments
I’ve put a lot of time & money into that relationship – not walking out now! Can never get that back. The more I invest; the more committed I am.
2. Social reaction
My friends/family like my partner; or dislike
3. Difficulty of termination procedures
Divorce is a lot less of a hurtle, BUT who gets the stereo, who can we still be friends with
Feeling that you must continue
4. Availability of alternatives
What if I leave and there is nothing else out there

23

what is evidence of different types of commitment?

(Adams & Jones, 1997)
Across questionnaires used to assess commitment in marriage, three dimensions:
Commitment to spouse
Commitment to relationship
Feelings of entrapment

24

Kelley’s (1983, 2002) theory?

• commitment is viewed as a set of casual conditions and processes(pros and cons) that contribute to stability (in other words commitment will cause stability in a relationship)

25

Arriaga (2001)?

assessed people in new relationship and studied them for ~18 weeks and they were interested in who was breaking up
-people most likely to break up were the ones who had satisfaction levels that were fluctuating
-Not so much low levels of satisfaction but fluctuation in satisfaction contributes more to instability and breakups
->Key is having consistency

26

Rusbult’s (1983, 1999) theory?
another model of commitment
**************EXAM?

Investment Model – formed basis for looking at stability, commitment and satisfaction in relationships
If we want to know if a relationship is going to persist, we need to look at what predicts commitment; satisfaction, alternatives and investment:
1. satisfaction: increases commitment (people want to continue relationships that make them happy-outcomes are higher than their expectations/CLs)
2. alternatives: decrease commitment (those with tempting alternatives less likely to stay)
3. Investments: high investments(time, money etc) increase commitment (regardless if one is happy or has better alternatives)

27

what is intedependancy

Degree that you are entangled and how much your day to day events influence each other
-Commitment preserves the interdependency

28

according to Rusbult, what factors lead towards increased commitment

Overall for men and women whose relationships continued, rewards increased, costs increased slightly, satisfaction increased (corresponding to those rewards and costs), the quality of alternatives decreased (is it the perceived? Is it the derogation), and investment increased
*Why her model is so applicable. It doesn’t matter what the sexuality is of relationships, even friendships.
• *****All relationship follow a commitment dimension; Monogamy doesn’t mean commitment

29

describe the Benjamin franklin effect

• The more time, effort or work you put into someone the more you want the relationship to work out
• 5% increase in the people who did nice things for their partners after they took the second survey

30

How can people say they are satisfied but then 50% of marriages in US end in divorce.
What are some possible explanations?

1. It takes two to tango
-Most of the surveys were asking only one person (not many studies include couples )
2. Flawed surveys
-Are we really getting at what we want to assess?
84% said they were VERY satisfied
Of that same group; 40% said they considered leaving their partner
3. Fewer barriers to divorce
4. Changes in satisfaction-stable satisfaction is better for commitment

31

Relationship Satisfaction definition?

“Relationship satisfaction is defined as an interpersonal evaluation of the positivity of feelings for one’s partner and attraction to the relationship.” (Rusbult & Buunk, 1993)

( how I feel about my partner and this relationship )

32

The satisfaction trajectory ? explain the curve

• Most cross-sectional studies show a J-curve in satisfaction across time
o Satisfaction will drop over the first 10 years(small drops though so still satisfied just not as much)
o Misrepresentatives because people who have broken up early on are not even represented in here
-People start off very highly satisfied then drops,
Increase and then levels off

-Why is there an up-swing?
Kids left home, parental responsibilities are lessened
More financial stability (which is one of the top arguments/stressors)

33

Two important parameters of satisfaction trajectory?

1. Initial satisfaction (intercept) J-curve:
-If you start out lower in satisfaction, your drop in satisfaction will be steeper across time
Those who start out very satisfied don’t drop as far of as fast

2. Changes in satisfaction across time (slope)
-due to various things, new jobs, kids, deaths

34

satisfaction between partners matters more, why?

o When there is a discrepancy if one person starts out higher or gets much lower along the way they are less likely to stay together (more predictive of dissolution )

35

Emotional instability

the tendency to experience negative thoughts & feelings
ex. Neuroticism, negative affectivity/emotionality
-Experience a lot of depression& anxiety (not necessarily clinical)
-The tendency to have those low moods

36

how is Emotional instability related to satisfaction
-Characteristics of a person that might predispose them to being satisfied or dissatisfied

Increased emotional instability is associated with decreased satisfaction; subsequent dissolution
If you are prone to depression you might be less supportive of you partner
Low neuroticism is highly associated with high satisfaction
-may influence the individual, the partner or both
-if self focused on ones own negativity and cant support partner, in turn, partner is less supportive of you

37

Expressivity; what is it and how is it related to satisfaction

(related to self disclosure) its the predisposition to talk about/express one's feelings and experienced emotions(positive or negative)
-not everyone expresses their feelings as much as others, but those who do have relationships associated with increased satisfaction (for both themselves and their partner)
-if high expressivity, it may counteract the effects of emotional instability

38

what are the adult attachment styles
-Early bonds are good predictors of adult relationships

Secure: those who are secure with intimacy, think they are worthy of love and trust others (most prevalent and relationships were more important and lasted longer)
Anxious: craving for intimacy, but worry about their partners ability to love them-have no ability to trust
Avoidant: not ready to commit
*experience will also come into play, it is possible to move from one category to another

39

what are some of the environmental factors in predicting satisfaction?

1. Ethnicity – groups determined by their ethnicity that are less satisfied because they are more likely to be disadvantageous; may reflect other factors like poverty, poor health and stressors.
2. Education – Higher education is associated with more divorce. May feel they have more options/alternatives, and know they can make it on their own
3. Age at marriage – More dissatisfied the younger you get married. Does is preclude education and getting those opportunities
4. SES – Higher SES = higher satisfaction
5. Employment – When the male was employed satisfaction for both went up, when women were employed satisfaction went down for both. Men might think its emasculating to have a wife that works, if the women worked, had to do more chores and child rearing.
6. Parenthood – Neither views really hold true, it may initially be negative but we get a lot from our children.

40

Relational Characteristics that influence satisfaction?

similarity: in actual and perceived attitudes, beliefs and values (not activities)

conflict: more conflict= more dissatisfaction

41

Monogamy/Nonmonogamy Options?

1. casual dating
2. casual hookups
3. friends with benefits
4. swinging-family during the week, sex with others on the weekend (consensual NM)
5. polyamory-multiple commited relationships (CNM)
6. open relationships (CNM)
7. monogamish relationships- mostly monogamous but can dabble with others once and awhile(threesome?)
8. serial monogamy
9. monogamy-one mate per life
10. pseudomonogamy (cheating)

42

what are some of the reasons people said they would stay monogamous even in a world where everyone was in open relationships?

1. morality-doesnt make it right just because everyone else is
2. love- you only love one person/should be totally commited and attracted to them
3. ease/comfort- have one person that is mine and I can be theirs
4. religion
5. jealousy
6.sexual safety
7. social norm

43

what are some of the reasons people said they would be nonmonogamous in a world where everyone was in open relationships?

1. freedom- explore sexuality without being called a whore/slut/etc
2. experience-being stuck in one relationship keeps you from experiencing other people
3. social norm-. I would not have been raised to believe that there is anything wrong with polygamy
4. personal beliefs
5. better sex

44

Why study (non)monogamy?

-if one partner thinks its ok and the other doesnt, there will be problems in the relationship
-destigmatize CNM
-understanding peoples attraction for others or their desire for nonmonogamy in the population may help therapists and couples

45

Compare and contrast romantic relationships and friendships (3 qualities that make friendships different)
**************EXAM?

1. friendships are less passionate: do not feel the same level of sexual desire for their friends vs. desire romantic partners
2. friendships are less exclusive: friendships are not limited to one friend
3. voluntary nature of friendships: we choose our friends- There is no ties with friends, an advantage and a downfall. Downfall meaning the friends won’t stand the test of time like romantic partners do ex: moving away.

46

what is friendship

a voluntary, personal relationship, typically providing intimacy and assistance, in which the two parties like one another and seek each others company (they meet the basic need to belong)
-Think of the friendship budget – individually we might have different needs in terms of the number of friends we need to have

47

describe the 3 theoretical perspectives in understanding friendships that Fehr outlined
(Cognitive consistency theories, Developmental theories,Reinforcement theory )

1. Cognitive consistency theories: is a balance theory stating that things are more comfortable when things are in agreement
ex. In a group of three, it would be easier if both of your two friends got along because if they didn't things would be complicated
In general it is important everyone in our lives get along
2. Developmental theories:You are at the core, the people who are closest to us are intimate (romantic partner), then friends, then acquaintances, people you just met You are at the core, the people who are closest to us are intimate (romantic partner), then friends, then acquaintances, people you just met (Trust & validation is incredibly important here, the ability to be accepted by your friends)
3. Reinforcement theory: Rewards and costs are not evaluated in isolation as we also have expectations or comparison levels for our friends (would Amy be a better friend than Jill?)

48

Four types of factors in forming and maintaining friendships'
***********************

1. environmental: those closer in proximity= more likely to be their friend
2. individual:
-physical attractiveness
-approachable (are they smiling?)
-social ability (self disclosing?)
3. dyadic: similarity
-the more we have in common the more I’m going to like you and the more I perceive that you like me
Even in activities
4. situational:
-Frequency of contact – usually dissolution is “drift apart”, not as explicit as in romantic relationships

49

What individual differences impact friendships and what are the impacts?

individual:
-physical attractiveness
-approachable (are they smiling?)
-social ability (self disclosing?)

50

Compare how initiation and dissolution of friendships is the same or different than that for romantic relationships.
*************

usually dissolution is “drift apart”, not as explicit as in romantic relationships
-you dont breakup with friends when they move away and may reunite in the future
-Conflicts tend to be ignored rather than addressed compared to romantic partners
-both may initiate based on similar factors:
->similarity (activity similarity for friends only)
->physical attractiveness
->proximity
->social skills and approachablness

51

How do childhood friendships differ from adolescent friendships and how are they the same?
***********EXAM

teens spend less time with their fam and more time with their peers and turn to their friends over their fam for the satisfaction of important attachment needs (turning towards friends as a source of comfort and support in times of stress, and seeking to be near them and not separated)
-as teens, we look to peers for advice and companionship more so than our families.
-They engage in strategies to maintain their friendships – spending time with friends doing absolutely nothing

52

What are the three types of childhood friends as described by Selman (1981) and what ages they occur in?
***************EXAM

1. Fair-weather cooperation
Early childhood, before school, friendship is very superficial and self-serving
-maybe temporary cooperation among friendships. They cannot take on the perspectives of other people, they cannot empathize. But important for socialization
-engage in parallel play
2. Intimate-mutual sharing
Middle school, much more sophisticated in terms of collaboration and sharing, less superficial. But more characterized as possessive “you’re my friend not her’s”
3. Autonomous-interdependent
Have more sophisticated, independent but more interdependent.
(youre independent but have interdependent friendships as you grow into adolescence )
-functions of self disclosure

53

what is the stage model and why is it criticized?

Stage model: children's friendships follow stages (mirror the developmental stage)
-friendships grow more complex and richer as the child themselves grows and matures
-as they age, they have more cognitive development and are increasingly able to appreciate others perspectives and understand their points of view
Criticized because boundaries are more fluid

54

describe Adolescent friendships

Friendships during adolescence may serve as a training ground for romantic relationships (serves as a model for how to treat people)
-We look to them for advice and companionship more so than our families.
-Even though parents will always influence us, in adolescents start to look to friends.
-They engage in strategies to maintain their friendships – spending time with friends doing absolutely nothing

55

Young – Middle adulthood friendships?

-Changing patterns of friendship
->When we start to invest more in our romantic partners and our friendships drift away/fade
-no time to just sit around and do nothing (not enough time ti=o have everything we want)
Characterized by aging parents, raising children, going to work and obligations change that make less time for friendships

56

describe older adults (seniors) friendships and Socioemotional selectivity theory

as people got older and less mobile, it was thought that they had less friends because they didnt get out as much, but this theory suggests its because their friendship goals changed as they got closer to death and would rather have friendships that were emotionally more meaningful. they didnt have time to go out and meet new people and develop relationships
-Goals change as a function of our age
-quality over quantity
-may be applied also to younger people who have discovered they have a life threatening illness

57

Differing friendship styles b/w men and women

Women seemed to have a lot more talk going on between friends, that the SD was a way to form intimacy (emotional sharing)
Men were more activity based and companionship and less talk (shared activities)

58

explain the difference in subsequent behaviour when conflict arises in friendships versus when conflict arises in romantic relationships.
************

Conflicts tend to be ignored rather than addressed compared to romantic partners

59

Do men and women differ in their cross-sex friendships? (Bleske & Buss, 2000)
Explain*************

• Men report cross-gender friends are closer than same-gender friends (women: opposite) (Fehr, 1996)
- Men value friendships with women more than their male friendships
-Men evaluated the potential for having sex with opposite sex friend as more beneficial than women did (creating sexual tension)
-Women reported that male friend was romantically attracted to them but they did not feel romantic attraction
-Women received more protection/resources from cross-gender friends compared to what men received (also true for same gender friends-women value the fact that there is strength in number, and having someone whether its male or female is beneficial for safety )
-Men are more open to the relationship/sexual activity, women more choosy
-men more likely to say that women cant be friends, women say they can

60

Gerry and Rhonda are opposite-sex friends. What may be some characteristics of their friendship that support the evolutionary perspective (be sure to explain this perspective and its predictions regarding cross-sex friendships).************

Women seeking a mate who has resources to help them with rearing children. Men seek youthful women.
Friendships from this perspective: what might men value in female friends? It should mirror exactly what they want in romantic partners. Men will want to move to a romantic relationship more quickly.
Women should value male friends who bring resources to a friendship. Less quickly for women because they are more choosy/examining their options
-perhaps gerry is able to help her with homework at the library and drives her home at night after studying so she doesnt have to walk home by herself. perhaps rhonda is a pretty women and Gerry is thinking of potentially trying to move things to the next level (trying to start a relationship)

61

What are the differences in cross-sex vs. same sex friendships?(Bleske & Buss, 2000)

-almost half cross-sex friendships ended bc of attempt at romance (not usually the case for same sex friends)
-cross-sex friendships may have Romantic/sexual feelings in the air unlike same sex
-various aspects of the two types of friendships dont change much but some do:
-you get Information about opposite gender
-men mention Self-esteem boost which wasnt a factor for same sex friends

62

can men and women be close friends?

yes, with a certain amount of maturity and self control and knowledge that the friendship is more valuable than the romantic relationship
-may have Romantic/sexual feelings in the air – but might not act on it
-It may be those around us who sexualize the relationship

63

what are some of the individual differences that might influence the commencement and maintenance of friendships
************

1. self monitoring- the degree to which people change their attitudes/behaviour according to the demands of the social setting youre in
high SMs: have more friends across more activities bc they are not consistent across situations. may have a larger network of friends
low SMs: more consistent across activities and may have fewer more intimate friends. friends share similar attitudes with them
2. need for intimacy(need to belong): some people need more or less intimacy than others do- some may want more friends than others, some fewer but more intimate
3. depression: clinically depressed people find it harder to make friends (and maintain them) and its harder on their friends as well

64

Do friends enhance separate romantic relationships?

maybe: if your friends support and encourage your romantic relationship we are much happier/satisfied and committed to the relationship
-also if our romantic partners are lacking in some way, our friends may fill the gap (going to the gym with a friends bc partner doesnt like going) *Friendships pick up where partners leave off
-If both partners share the same friends life is going to be simpler
-It is not uncommon that friends take a secondary role

65

what is loneliness

Loneliness is psychologically aversive(disliked); associated with all aspects and physical and mental health (Effects mortality overall)
-**Lack of pleasurable engagement that leaves people feeling less than fulfilled (the relationships people have isnt enough for what they want)
KEY: Discrepant from what they want

Often (not always) includes a painful aching (physical) sense of disconnection from others
-you can be lonely and not alone
-loneliness is a discrepancy b/w the relationships you have and the ones you want (you have 3 friends and want 10 or you have lots of friends but not a romantic partner or your theyre not as close as you want them to be )
-Friends help us meet the need to belong
-Rates of loneliness have increased from 25% to 40% especially in young people

66

whats the gender difference of loneliness bw men and women?

Will only see a gender difference in reports of loneliness when self reports use the word loneliness in the questions bc then women tend to report higher
-feeling loneliness is stigmatized- associated with being a loser and people dont want to directly admit it

67

Distinguish between two types of social support and the impact they have on loneliness?
If John is feeling lonely, he may explain his state in a variety of ways. Describe the kinds of attributions that John might make and which ones would help John the most and why?
****************EXAM?

1. Structural: the size of social network and frequency (the amount of friends/family/lovers we interact with)
-more structural support= less lonely

2.* Functional: the degree to which our psychological needs are met and our relationship goals
emotional- they validate your feelings when you self-disclose and let you know youre normal/comfort you
appraisal- give you advice on what to do when need help
instrumental- help you with physical/material aspects like lending you money
*Perception of social support is what is key.

68

describe loneliness as a trait and as a state

loneliness as a trait: more long lasting/ not likely to change as much (the tendency to feel lonely/personality aspects-depression/self esteem)
loneliness as a state: temporary feelings of loneliness that is time limited-mood (associated with social situations like moving or ending a relationship)

69

Describe Peplau and Perlman’s discrepancy model of loneliness in as much detail as you can.
**************this WILL be on FINAL

there are certain characteristics of a person that may predispose them to feeling lonely (shyness, self esteem, depression, insecure attachment)-put them at risk
-there are also cultural values/norms that may put people at risk for loneliness (some cultures emphasize community, some(Canada) emphasize individuality which may predispose people to experience loneliness)
-these two aspects combined with precipitating(unexpected/neg) events such as a breakup/move away/lose friend, usually precede the mismatch bw what you want and what you have (actual vs needed social relations) and cause loneliness*at the centre of model
-this mismatch ends in many consequences:
->changes in cognition and attributions that are self perpetuating and you get stuck in cycle of loneliness
-good news is we can cope with it (active solitude)- you do something by yourself but youre being active (if you like exercise, go for a run)
-cope by social contact-> call a friend (may still reach out to others even if feeling lonely), distract yourself(shop etc) -focus on yourself passively- cry, eat, sleep, watch TV

70

what are the attributions to loneliness? Explanation for causes of behaviour, not just for ones own but of others

1. stable(last forever)/internal: im lonely bc theres something about me and this is never gonna change (im unlovable)
2. stable/external: its not my fault, im lovable but others are really cold and theyre never gonna change
3. unstable(temporary)/internal: i can at some point meet new people
4. unstable/external: others may get less cold/ get more friendly

71

Causes of loneliness?

Lonely College students reported:
-feel desperation like feelings (maybe helpless)
-feeling impatient (come on lets get on with things) and angry at some extent
-Self-depreciation(reduction in self value)- not only unlovable but there is something wrong with me and I am ugly and stupid
- being unattached
alienation
being alone
forced isolation
dislocation

72

cycle of loneliness

when one feels lonely they may experience neg rxns from others and they may unknowingly react neg back to them which reinforces feeling of loneliness
(you have neg reactions to social behaviour/others and negative reactions from social behaviour/others- self perpetuating cycle of loneliness-feeds off eachother)
ex. if you feel lonely, you have a dampening mood and when youre in a social setting you feel as if youre not the life of the party and not as cheerful and that may cause others to not be as friendly back to us too which make you even more lonely
-we may still interact with a lot of people but bc of the cycle that we're in, those interactions may be shallow and dont help alleviate the loneliness

73

Causes of loneliness?

Lonely College students reported:
-feel desperation like feelings (maybe helpless)
-feeling impatient (come on lets get on with things) and angry at some extent
-Self-depreciation(reduction in self value)- not only unlovable but there is something wrong with me and I am ugly and stupid
- being unattached
alienation
being alone
forced isolation
dislocation
-single people less happy than married couples

74

cycle of loneliness

when one feels lonely they may experience neg rxns from others and they may unknowingly react neg back to them which reinforces feeling of loneliness
(you have neg reactions to social behaviour/others and negative reactions from social behaviour/others- self perpetuating cycle of loneliness-feeds off eachother)
ex. if you feel lonely, you have a dampening mood and when youre in a social setting you feel as if youre not the life of the party and not as cheerful and that may cause others to not be as friendly back to us too which make you even more lonely
-we may still interact with a lot of people but bc of the cycle that we're in, those interactions may be shallow and dont help alleviate the loneliness

75

What is love?

really difficult to define. (there is obviously more than one type of love)
-Andre Le Chapelain suggests two different kinds of love (pure which is less sexual and more durable and common love which is sexual)

76

explain Kraft-Ebing (1886) 4 types of love?

1. true love:
2. sensual love:
3. platonic love:
4. sentimental love:

77

explain the taxonomy model suggesting four types of love according to Kraft-Ebing (1886)

1. true love: caring for others, closeness and sexuality
2. sensual love: physicality of love, temporary and fleating
3. platonic love: nonsexual
4. sentimental love: nauseating love
*this was all theory, No empirical evidence until Berscheid

78

-love hasn’t been in research for very long only since the 70s, what did Berscheid bring to the table of love research?

Primarily focused on attraction
Argued that there is 4 existing features influencing attraction:
1. altruistic- selfless
2. attachment- bc of familiarity with others
3. friendship- pos. evaluations of others
4. eros(romantic love)- sexual desires
(each feature leading to more attraction)
*She was able to show people that there could be different kinds of love and suggests love has features that are different from when we like someone (on a separate continuum)

79

Describe Sternberg’s Triangular theory of love and specify the different kinds of love in this model
************THIS IS ON EXAM!

All of love comprises 3 basic components:
1. commitment- cognitive component thats under our control to consciously decide to commit to maintaining the relationship (to continue it)
2. passion- not emotional in nature but motivational. it is a drive characterized by physical attraction. it is often characterized by sexuality/sexual behaviour but not always. it is biologically driven.
3. intimacy- includes emotional/affective feelings (warm and fuzzy), have a close connection and have interdependency where you care about their welfare. you experience contentment and happiness with them and want to self disclose to them
-these 3 components are said to vary across 3 properties:
1. stability- how long lasting it is (passion shoudnt be as long as the other two)
2. controllability- ability to control it (cant control who you are attracted to but can control who to commit to)
3. environmental salience- strength. varies across time/situations (passion may start out strong, decrease and than increase again
the 3 components combine to form 8 types of loves

80

the 3 components of love(intimacy, commitment, passion) combine to create 8 different types of love(or lack of love), what are they?

1. non-love- casual interaction that have no intimacy, commitment, or passion (day to day interactions with people)
2. liking- Characterizes friendships- we maintain our sense of closeness/intimacy, but typically there is no passion or real commitment
3. Infatuation- "love at first sight", primarily biological driven, would not mind getting to know them, they're beautiful
4. empty love- committed but no passion/intimacy. perhaps an arranged marriage or near a breakup
5. fatuous love- Any commitment there is based on the fleeting feeling of passion.
6. romantic love- Can trust and are close to but are also passionate and intimate (no commitment)
7. compassionate love- no passion but there is a high level of intimacy and commitment (long term marriages?)
8. consummate love- high levels of each component, it is the one we strive for

81

John Lee proposed 3 primary love styles that can combine to form secondary love styles
(he compared love to the color wheel)

primary:
1. eros- intense experience, its immediate and powerful physical attraction. prone to love at first sight. turned on by certain physical type. want to be exclusive fast and be sexually involved fast
2. ludus- sees love as a game, meant to be played with skill, no commitment, sex is pleasurable but just passes time
3. storge- affection, brotherly love, incorporates trust, respect, no intense emotion but treats lover as old friend and is sky about sex
secondary:
1. mania- obsessive and desperate. propose on first date
2. agape- charity/unselfish/all giving, invested but not necessary a physical aspect to it
3. pragma- practical outlook on love

82

from the two models of love it was concluded that Adult romantic love has at least two distinct varieties, what are they

1. romantic/passionate/erotic love
-intense, arousing, and fleeting

2. companionate/friendship based/affectionate love
-slower to evolve, more durable/long lasting, infused with warmth and intimacy (like a warm cup of tea on a rainy day)

83

What is passionate love?

swift onset with a relatively short duration (probably bc u cant always be aroused -you'd be in constant anxiety/body cant handle it), idealization of partner(theyre awesome, are they thinking of me? cant stop thinking of them-preoccupied), intense (often fluctuating emotions-why aren't they calling???), sexual attraction and physiological arousal
-The longer couples are together, the less passionate love people report feeling (Is it more fragile?)
-2-3 years but doesn’t go away and can be re-sparked

84

Is sexual desire a distinguishing feature of passionate love?

yes, 2/3 People think that sexual attraction is critical ingredient in being in love
Take home: doesn't seem to matter of whether people are having sex, if they report higher desire for their partner then others assume they have passionate love for each other

85

Pheromones? whats the evidence for humans?
********

-not a lot of evidence for them
-biochemisrty of passion
-chemical secretions that elicit *unlearned responses from others-other people are attracted to it. (like hormones but work outside the body)
-One of the situations in which opposites attract based on genetics
evidence?: 4 hints
1. regulate the sexual behaviour of other species (animals smell each other and influences sexual attraction)
2. Pheromone receptors may be present in nasal cavity
3. we can tell people apart based on smell
4. Compounds with pheromonal proprties in pigs, the compounds have been found in humans (found in urine and sweat of men and a little bit in women)
also-Preference for scents of people who are genetically dissimilar (smelly t-shirts) and Period synchronization predicted by pheromones
-we usually dont mind the smell of our partners but others might

86

what hormones May have a role in passionate love?

testosterone:
-Level of testosterone significantly correlates with self-reported levels of sexual desire
->Suppression of the synthesis of testosterone is associated with decreased sexual desire
-Testosterone is not causing sexual attraction, it’s suggesting it has a role or link to sexual desire and the experience of being in love
Not a direct relationship to being in love
in 2004 study:
-women in love had more testosterone than men and women not in love
-When people are in love, people’s hormone levels actually converge in couples (ended up with similar hormone levels). Maybe softening of the male features(lowering aggression and sex drive) and enhancing some features in women

87

Neurotransmitters involved in Passionate Love ? 3 main ones

should show opposite pattern of depression
1. -Low levels of serotonin (intrusive thoughts like OCD) (Serotonin: I can’t sleep, all I can do it imagine him, obsessive thinking to some extent. Increased excitement, decreased appetite, “love sick”)
2. -High levels of norepinephrine (adrenaline/enhanced memory for new stimuli) (Norepinephrine: to someone in love they often report remembering what the other was wearing, smell,)
3. -higher levels of dopamine (heightened attention/feeling good) (Dopamine: to someone who is in love, they often report focusing on specific things)

88

two factor theory of emotion by Schacter & Singer
(Berscheid & Walster took the same model and applied it to being in love)

2 things needed to be present to experience emotion: (1) arousal & (2) cognitive labelling of that arousal
Ex: walking along a trail, see a bear, HR up. If it is not clear why we are aroused, we looked to our environment. Associate arousal with bear and label my emotion as fear.

89

A 2-component theory of love (Berscheid and Walster)

People experience passionate love if they experience physiological arousal and if the cue in the environment support the labelling of passionate love
Ex: Out with potential partner, feeling physiological arousal, attribute the arousal to your partner and experience the passionate love.

90

Is labeling arousal essential to the experience? or is arousal enough

in study:
told they were getting shocks or told they were getting shocks and then said they actually weren't or not told about shocks. then showed a very attractive female confederate.
outcome:
-men expecting shocks had the highest arousal and my have attributed their arousal to a different source and rated her as most attractive(suggests arousal is necessary), control rated her the least attractive.
-The NO shock was able to attribute the arousal to the shocks because when hearing no they calmed down knowing arousal was due shocks
-study suggests labeling may be an essential ingredient to experience attraction/be in love but also where you attribute it to (may be misattributed)

other study:
-footpath study- men walking across bridge more likely to call her bc they misattributed their arousal to the researcher and not the bridge (walking across the footpath less likely to call her)
Labeling of emotion is critical: people sometimes misattribute their feelings of arousal to another person
-2-3 years but doesn’t go away and can be re-sparked

91

What is the effect of arousal?

Arousal, even if correctly attributed to an outside source, can enhance attraction (e.g., Aron et al., 2000)
Even if you can say it was due to the gym
-Physiological arousal is a necessary component of attraction and passionate love
transfer of excitation: Arousal will always increase any emotion you are currently experiencing
Increases the emotional experience

92

What is companionate love?

“the affection and tenderness we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply entwined” ………..Hatfield & Rapson, 1993
-deep intertwining/interdependency

93

What comprises intimacy

self disclosure
trust
personal validation
affection
o Helps to buffer stress
o It is slower to develop and more durable

94

Biochemistry of affection

ADH(voles wanted to be less monogamous when ADH increased) and oxytocin(increases maternal behaviour which is an important role in affection)

95

Orientations to sex…?

recreational: sex is good fun

relational: sex is a meaningful experience and good for the romantic relationship-Refers to the sexual responses that occur between partners in established relationships-Relational sex could impact non sexual parts of the relationship

procreational: sex is meant for reproducing

96

• Differences between men and women in sexuality

o Sex differences only when reporting when they want sexual activity in a relationship
o Men are usually the initiators and women are the gatekeepers and women are much more mailable than men in their sexual orientation
o Men younger at time of first intercourse
o Men over report women under report for amount of sexual partners
o Large difference in masturbation. Men do it much more often than women
o *Women have more guilt or anxiety about sex premaritally than men
o *Men are more accepting of sex in casual relationships/Women refer to love in the context of a relationship more than men
o In today’s society now, women are more accepting of premarital intercourse of committed relationships (used to be men)
-difference in sexual plasticity: breakup. Women more likely to go for long periods without; men go in to casual relationships
o Consistent difference between men and women and their attitudes towards sexuality

97

Theory of reasoned action- Aijen & Fishbein 1977

the end result of the theory is the behaviour or sex. it is predicted by ones behavioural intention(do you want/plan/expect to have sex tonight?). our intentions are predicted by two things, our attitudes(are you ok with sex before marriage) and the social norms(is everyone else doing it? will people encourage me to do it too?)

98

Theory of planned behaviour

Expanded the model to include perceived behavioural control (the extent to which you think you can do this thing: is your house free, is your partner free?) It doesn't just influence behavioural intention (you might really want to) but behaviour as well (if the house isn’t free

99

There are two competing/complementary explanations for gender differences for attitudes towards sex and how they changed

1.Evolutionary perspective
2. Sociocultural perspective

100

Evolutionary theory of sex differences
***************ESSAY question on EXAM

Four types of attributes that have implications for reproduction: (link each attribute back to stuff we talked about)
mating strategies evolved differently to solve different adaptive problems they have in life (women get pregnant and have to carry a baby for 40 weeks and invest more in caring for baby than men into baby)
-parental investment theory is key theory here: because women invest more into offspring, they should be choosier than men are who invest less)
1. physical/genetic fitness- increase my reproduction if partner has attribute that show they are physically fit (V shape, hour glass, preference for average over extreme features and smell for genetical distinct people) these things suggest good match
2. relational fitness- ability to commit and to be exclusive (good for reproduction) keep sexual activity to one person. more securey attached= higher in relational fitness
3. emotional fitness- willingness to invest in partner or offspring. Women look for that baby face in men which is supposed to represent kindness, men like neonatous feature in women.
4. social fitness- traits like ambitiousness->Want to navigate that ladder to have more resources. this type of fitness is the ability to bring tangible resources to the relationship and family unit

I think the evolutionary perspective can explain the persisted attitude and behavioural differences (like how man are more ok with causal sex and have more permissive attitudes compared to women.) it may also explain some of the behavioural differences like masturbation
-problem with theory: doesn't explain changes in attitudes that have occurred or continue to occur- why dis it that women are becoming more acceptable of sex in context of relationship but outside of marriage

101

Social context theory

too many differences across cultures about attitudes towards sex that evolutionary theory(which is for all humans) cant explain so its better explained through social context lenses
-Women have had very domestic employment in society
-Men have jobs of authority (profs, police, pilots)
-It creates expectations and stereotypes and we fall into them because it’s socially acceptable and desirable

102

why do people have sex

237 reasons; divided into 4 categories:

Physical reasons: pleasure; stress reduction, im hot your hot, lets do it
Goal attainment: gain resources, social status, notch in the belt, dinner out
Insecurity: duty & pressure & cohesion, engaging just to boost self-esteem, maybe a way to guard their mate(if i dont, someone else might) (come on, its Friday night honey)
Emotional: idea of love & commitment, makes me feel bonded and i like it

103

Factors influencing the decision to become sexually active at beginning of relationship

1. partner communication:
initiating sex often more than just negotiating. people think it should be natural but should be communicated (tends to be non verbal) men tend to initiate but based on personality/more dominant
2. Arousal & receptivity- turned on (how ready are you physiological)
3. Obligation & pressure
“come on”
4. Circumstance
Is the house available
-A lot higher frequency at the beginning of the relationship; There are declines around certain events like: job change, moving, pregnancy, exams

104

what predicts sexual satisfaction

-If you are satisfied in the relationship you are sexually satisfied; also if you are sexually satisfied you are satisfied in the relationship (bidirectional relationship)
Sexual satisfaction will be highest when rewards (pleasure) are high and costs (pain, embarrasment) are low
Predictors of sexual satisfaction: [frequency of activity, # of orgasms, sexual excitability] + [closeness in a relationship, sexual assertiveness(tell them whats good for u), erotophobia].
The amount is only one part of it, communication contributes too
Frequency plays a role but not a very big role

105

Descriptive approach to understanding why?
What are the demographic and attitudinal correlates of infidelity?

make it more likely/easier to cheat
1. urban vs rural: more likely to cheat in the city/ more opportunities, availabilities of alternatives
2. Biological sex and attitudes- Men seems to have more permissive attitudes towards sex (think its okay so more likely to do it)
3. Age
Older men are more likely to hold permissive attitudes and more likely to engage in sexual infidelity

106

Normative approach to understanding why?

What are the social and cultural correlates of infidelity?
what are the norms for culture and society and at what time.

Sex & Gender norms
More acceptable for men

107

Evolutionary approach to understanding why?
******
Most of the research on WHY infidelity is grounded in evolutionary perspective

Did infidelity serve a biologically adaptive purpose in the ancestral environment?
Multiple partners increases reproductive success
->MAYBE
Fisher went onto to say the 4 advantages for women:
1. access to additional goods/services (more resources to help with family unit)
2. you got a replacement in the wings if something happens to your partner
3. increase reproductive success esp. if your partner is not able to reproduce
4. increase in genetic diversity of your children (child with different dads have diff gen makeup so better likelihood some of your children will survive

108

Negative Outcomes of Infidelity

Leading cause of dissolution (divorce, breakup)

Betrayer: guilt about cheating in general, conflict: how do you reconcile the morals you committed to = cognitive dissonance(you swore to be with this person for life but cheated), anxiety about partner finding out or fear of potential pregnancy or STIs

Betrayed report feeling: abandonment, self-doubt, lowered self-esteem & JEALOUSY