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1

What criteria must be satisfied to fulfill the evolutionary need to belong (suggested by Baumeister and Leary)


1. We must engage in frequent and affectively pleasant interactions with at least a few other people

2. those interactions must take place in the context of a temporally stable and enduring framework of each partner’s concern with the other partner’s welfare
(long lasting affective concern for each other’s welfare)

2

Describe the study of social hunger relating to the need for belonging

Undergrads randomly assigned to a chat room: one half ignored, other half engaging with others
-then asked to read a diary about social interactions
-the ones who were ignored were more likely to remembered more from the diary (sensitivity to social information varies as a function of current belongingness needs)
-need to belong should bias attentional and memory processes
-humans should be motivated to form bonds and not to break them

3

What are attachment styles? How are they shaped?

Attachment styles: their learned orientations toward relationships with others
-infants interaction with their caregivers shape their attachment styles

4

What are the 5 aspects to the need to belong

1. need to belong should bias attentional & memory processes

2. humans should be motivated to form bonds and not to break them

3. emotional process should correspond to the need to belong
-couples tend to be happier than single people who wish they weren’t single

4. people should be dissatisfied when the need to belong is not met (happy married people tend to be happier than others-unmarried,never married, divorced, unhappily married)

5. When need is met, people should no longer seek out new relationships

5

What is a relationship

-a connection with another human that involves frequent frequent interaction and caring

6

What are the 6 components of intimacy

1. Knowledge- you know each other

2. Caring-care about each other

3. Interdependency-you share a brain, finish each other’s sentences. When the circles of the Venn diagram overlap, the relationship is at its best

4. Mutuality- we see ourselves as s whole and overlap. spending time engaging in activities that are enjoyable to both partners

5. Trust- be respectful, won’t intently try and hurt you (partners feel a sense of safety)

6. Commitment - relationship exists the next day too

7

What are some caveats about studying relationships

We all have ideas about relationships ( about what makes them good/bad ) based on our experience
-sometimes the evidence is contradicting to our beliefs
-we only seek information that confirms what we already know
-cultural/geographical bias and the passing of time influence what we study/find

8

What are the challenges to studying relationships?(4)

1. Societal Taboos- Herry Harlow and study with monkeys (the “fuzzy stuff”) and was ridiculed for studying monkey love (attitudes of researchers need to change over this topic)

2. Biases in recruitment of participants
-more women than men volunteer in studies (men may be under represented)-maybe because men shouldn’t talk about their feelings
-recruitment strategies (news paper ads vs. Contacting people who applied for marriage license-has differences in satisfaction responses)

3. Ethical considerations
-does asking someone to think about their relationship have unintended negative effects? -informed consent
-how many other men has toy wife slept with besides you?

4. Unit of analysis
-both partners should be included in the study (not one)

9

Difference between cross sectional and longitudinal design

Longitudinal studies - same people several points in time (change within individual)

Cross sectional- one point in time of different ages (change between participants of different ages)

-both development designs

10

Experimental vs non experimental design

Experimental-high level of control and reliability. Manipulates one variable and controls the others

Non experimental- variables are not manipulated by the researcher and instead are studied as they exist (ex. Correlational study)
-not really concerned with how strong/weak correlation is but more about the prediction

11

What’s a retrospective design ?

It’s a developmental design that looks at participants history (did you ever do this in the past) and compares it to present situation
-problem: it is biased

12

What’s s natural experiment

Testing a hypothesis of something that is naturally occurring (not manipulated)

-hypothesis: the partner who earns the most money is the one who has the most decision making

13

What is Darwin’s evolutionary theory of the qualities men and women want in a long term mate?

Variation, inheritance and selection
-characteristics have to vary
-has to be able to get passed to next generation
-the key is the valuable characteristic best suited to the environment will pass on their genes
-characteristics used to help reproduce will be valued

14

What is parental investment theory?
-Robert Tribbers

The mate who puts in the most time/energy/resources into offspring will be more choosy/selective in picking a mate (and vice versa)
- the other is more competitive and less choosy
-Woman should be more choosey in picking a mate (look for good genes/provider)

15

What are the 3 key features of evolutionary psychology?

1. Attempts to explain and understand how cognition and emotions evolved
2. Represented by the modularity assumption (we want things that help us survive-way back when)
3. Is historical

16

What are the two components of attachment theory? (Creating bonds with caregiver)

1. Normative
-what is typical/applicable to everyone
-what normally evokes or terminates certain emotions following certain relational events

2. Individual differences
-refers to the type of attachment
-personal histories of receiving care and support from attachment figures shape their goals, expectations and attitudes when emotion-eliciting events in relationships occur
-influence by parenting and so on

17

What are the 4 types of attachment styles ?

-blueprints for what relationships should look like (low avoidance vs high avoidance, low anxiety vs high anxiety)
-styles can change

Secure
-comfortable with intimacy and interdependence (low avoidance/low anxiety)

Preoccupied
-uneasy and vigilant toward any threat

Dismissive
-self reliant and uninterested in intimacy (low anxiety/ high avoidance)

Fearful- fearful of rejection and mistrustful of others

18

What did Edward Westermarck wonder about attraction

Wondered if children who are raised together are less likely to be attracted to each other
-contradicts sigmoid Freud‘s theory that little girls compete with their mother for their fathers attention and little boys compete with their fathers

Report came out- rarely were people married who were raised together in the same community

19

What was Arthur Wolf’s sexual attraction and childhood association?

He identified two types of contractual marriages through a naturalistic observation; multidisciplinary

1. Parents decide marriage and the grooms family raised the girl with her future husband

2. Parents decide marriage and girl and boy meet at the day of the wedding

* there should be less sexual attraction between the couple who was raised together in comparison to the couple raised apart

20

How do relationships occur?

As the result of a complex set of emotions and behaviours that typically stem from initial attraction (attraction is actually attitudes)
-what are the things that get people interested in each other?

21

What are the 5 main aspects of attraction ?

Proximity: liking those who are near us
Similarity: liking those who are like us
Reciprocity: liking those who are like us
Barriers: liking those we cannot have
Physical attractiveness: liking those who are lovely

22

Describe social exchange theory

-something with more rewards= something we will want to pursue (as long as the rewards outweigh the costs)

23

What is the propinquity effect?

The people who, by chance, you see and interact with most often are the most likely to become your friends and lovers
-physical proximity is a better predictor of attraction than age (if they’re closer, you notice them )

24

What is the first empirical evidence for the propinquity effect?
proximity(liking those near us)
-Festinger, Schachter and Back (1950)

-examined friendships of students
-closest friends were most likely to live closest to each other in residence

25

Why do we like those near us? Propinquity effect

-whatever is in my environment is grabbing my attention
- it’s a lot more rewarding to have a relationship with people who are physically close together; less time, money and effort
-simple physical proximity to others can increase familiarity and we tend to judge familiar others as safe and unlikely to cause us harm

26

Describe the study by Harley (1946)

Got people to say what they thought about the Denerians (made up group)
-no one knew who they were but everyone doing the survey thought they were evil (showing us the familiar is safe and unfamiliar is unsafe)

27

What is the mere exposure effect?

-Zajonc (1968)
-suggest that merely seeing someone over and over again increases familiarity and our perception is that they are safe
-we are more used to looking at ourselves in the mirror and therefore would prefer to see ourselves in the mirror versus a picture of ourselves

28

What was the study conducted by Moreland and Beach (1992) that represented the exposure effect?

Had confederates attend a class either 0, 5, 10 or 15 times during term but did not interact with the students
-the class had a overall higher liking rating for the confederates who were in the class the most

29

What is attraction

Attitudes comprised of emotions of liking

30

Exposure increases familiarity and therefore increases attraction.. unless what?

-we are exposed to the person too much (when something is too familiar it loses our attention)
-we have an initial negative experience with the person we are exposed to

31

Describe the study by Newcomb and how similarity matters

1961
-study of students in dorms
-at first, no association between attitude similarity and liking
-by the end of the year: significant difference (positive r/correlation)
-similarities in background, political views, attitudes and values, predicted friendship formation
-called this the “acquaintance process”

32

What is self monitoring personality?

Self monitoring- the extent to which people conform to the demands of the situation
-high self monitoring people will change based on environment and conform to what they think the demands are of the situation
-high SM’s tend to have many different friends for different activities
-Low SM’s have fewer closer friends (same friends across activities) They cared if their attitudes were different/similar to their friends but didn’t care if they liked to do the same things/activities

33

Why do we like people similar to ourselves?

We expect similar people to like us and thus are more likely to initiate a relationship with them
Similarityattractionliking
-as long as we think we are similar is more important than if we actually are (it’s our perception, not reality)
-we’re similar so I like you, so I’m nicer to you

34

Explain the perception of similarity and location

the perception of similarity is influenced by where you are when you perceive them as similar or not
-environment influences this perception
Ex, seeing someone from mta in another country vs at mta

35

Explain Gold, Ryckman and Mosley’s study (1984) and how being liked may override the negative effect of dissimilarity

-emphasizes the reciprocal liking hypothesis (we like people who like us)
-men generally liked a women who non verbally displayed liking(smiling, eye contact), even though she disagreed with them on important issues

36

What is the self fulfilling prophecy

Proposed by Curtis and Miller (1986)
-if we believe somebody else likes us, we will be a more likeable person in their presence

37

What is self disclosure?

If we think people like us we will disclose information they might not know about us

38

What are the exceptions to the similarity(reciprocal liking) principal?

Self esteem and self verification(want people to see you as you really are)
-self esteem level doesn’t matter in initial attraction but in long term it does matter because they want their partners to see them as they see themselves

39

What is the complimentary hypothesis ?

Explains that dominant and submissive people are more attracted to each other
-not much support on this

40

What is the #1 indication for initial attraction that overrides the others?
-most powerful determinant of having s second date

Physical attractiveness

41

What was the first empirical evidence for the importance of physical attractiveness on first impressions of people?

Hatfield et al. (1966)
-predicted that students paired up at the dance who matched in social desirability (intelligence, social skills, personality), would like each other more than mismatched couples
-found no evidence that similarity in social desirability influenced attraction.
-only physical attractiveness mattered!! (#1 predictor of liking)
(Students wrote how attractive they thought their partner was on ticket)

42

What is the matching hypothesis?

Similarity in attractiveness is referred to as the matching hypothesis
-significant positive correlation between attractiveness levels of romantic partners
-significant positive correlation between attractiveness levels of male same sex friends but not for women

43

Why might matching in physical appearance occur? (3 perspectives + another reason)

1. Evolutionary perspective
-might tell us something about each others genes/ increase fitness

2 marketing perspective
-good looking people seek out other good looking people (supply and demand), leftovers go for each other

3. Parental image perspective
-attracted to people who look like our parents

4. Cognitive dissonance
-when you have two opposing thoughts/beliefs that create discomfort (if you believed looks mattered but you aren’t attractive then you’ll have discomforting contradicting thoughts. May change opinion and less attractive people will say that good looks aren’t important and vice versa)

44

What are the two main findings for physical attraction?

1. There is a preference for facially attractive people
-infants will spend more time looking at attractive faces, increases as they age

2. Judgements of what is attractive is more similar than dissimilar across culture

45

What did Langlois and Roggman (1992) discover about attractiveness

Attractive faces have features that are the arithmetic means for the species and not the extremes
(People like faces that are average)
-average faces more attractive than the extremes. Why? Evolutionary perspective, of something is extreme, it often represents anomalies
-process face easier if it is typical/more familiar
*average faces are more attractive but not he most attractive/important

46

What is attractive ? For men? For women? For both?

-for both sexes, the standard includes large eyes, prominent cheekbones, and a big smile
-for women: small nose/chin, narrow cheeks, high eyebrows (youthful appearance-health and fertility)
-for men: anything considered masculine, ex. large chin
-large eyes=baby face (seen as nice/kind/pleasant-invest in parenting)

47

What is a neotenous female face?

-a key feature of female facial attractiveness is the extent of neotenous (infant-like) features that the face displays

48

What does Karremans et al (2010) study about body attractiveness tell us?

-that cultures endorse certain body features as attractive
Ex. Waist to hip ratio of 0.7 for women (western cultures)
-sighted men had highest preference for the 0.7 hour glass shape while blinded men had a higher preference for 0.84 ratio
-women want what culture endorses

49

What are the stereotypes about physically attractive individuals?
-Dion, Berscheid and walster (1972)

-believed to be more sensitive, kind, interesting, strong, poised, modest, sociable, outgoing, exciting, and sexually warm and responsive
- more likely to capture better jobs, have more successful marriages, and to experience happier and more fulfilling lives than their less attractive counterparts
-what is beautiful is good

50

Why should we care about stereotypes on physically attractive people? (3 reasons)

-stereotypes are our reality

1. Guides attention
-notice when they do things that make sense to what you believe (if that pretty guy says something intelligent, I’ll notice)

2. Helps us to understand and interpret events
-if pretty girl slaps you on the back, you may interpret it as friendly (attractive people are more friendly)

3. Helps us to remember
-fill in memory with the things in your stereotype (how is she?? She’s smart, interesting, kind, string... etc.)

51

What stereotypes about attractive people have some truth ?
How?

Attractive undergrads took self report (not entirely representative for all populations)
Shown to be:
-less lonely
-more popular
-better social skills
-good dating/sexual experience
(All related to social abilities)
-good looking people are not what we think (stereotype vs reality is much different but social skills is most similar)

52

What’s the relation of attractiveness and preferential treatment

-attractive children and adults are judged and treated more favourably in academic and occupational contexts
-attractive defendants and trials ( less likely to be convicted or charged in court compared to their less attractive counterparts)

53

Describe the study by Pennebaker et al (1979)
-


-on a scale from 1 to 10 how would you rate the opposite sex individuals and the same sex individuals here tonight (on attractiveness)
-for men and women, rating goes up as time gets later(less choosy)
-women more choosy than men
-the more alcohol women had (at midnight), the less attractive they rated men

54

What are some of the unanswered questions about physical attractiveness 😇

-what about in-between attractiveness
Is being plain really that disadvantageous?

-how is physical attractiveness distributed in the population?
We don’t know, don’t know if we’re average or not

-how does physical attractiveness interact with other genetically influenced attributes?
Smart and dumb, ugly and smart

55

What’s the relationship between self reports and initial attraction? (What attributes are mentioned)

For falling in love: reciprocal liking and physical attractiveness are mentioned spontaneously and very high frequencies. Similarly and propinquity are reported with moderate frequency (they may play an important role before one falls in love)

For friends: all 4 mentioned at high frequency

56

What are the 2 Dual process theories

1. Automatic/associative information processing
-unintentional
-uncontrollable
-accessible to awareness
-efficient
Ex. You meet someone named Damian and automatically have a dislike towards them because you disliked someone before with the same name

2. Controlled rule based information processing
-intentional
-controllable
-effortful (requires attention)
Ex. We do this when really trying to figure a person out, or we have the time to do so

57

What is social categorization

The process by which we associate the features of the newly encountered person to people we have known in the past who possess similar features

58

What is category accessibility and similarity

Category accessibility-how quickly this category comes to mind. Some people have a lot more knowledge stores on certain types of people and therefore comes to mind more easily to them. If your mom is a nurse you may know more about people who are nurses

Similarity- how similar you are to that category
Ex. If the person is a doctor and you're a nurse, you're pretty similar

59

What are the 7 initial impressions

1. reciprocal
-someone sizes you up at the same time as you them
2. aware
-we know the other person is sizing us up to
3. influenced by self
-how we see ourselves influences how we see others
4. Difficult
-trying to figure out what they're like isn't easy (values and believes )
5. ambiguous
-anything I'm looking to determine could be interpreted in multiple ways
6. Unstable
-they may change across situations (may be friendly in one context but not the other)
7. Deliberate
-they may intentionally try and deceive you
(two people can come away with two different opinions)

60

what are positive illusions

When we see ourselves or someone else more favourably than they actually are (idealized)

61

Are positive illusions beneficial or harmful?
-are we happier when we idealize our partner? Are our partners happier when we idealize them?

There's clear evidence that positive illusions were beneficial
-both the individual who idealized their partner as well as the partner were happier now and one year later (Murray et al.)
-people projected ideals or their own self image onto their partner
-highlight virtues, minimize faults
-the self changes in response to expectations, beliefs, standards of close others
(Michelangelo Phenomenon)
-partners behaviour start moving towards the ideal and there is an enhanced personal and couple wellbeing

62

How does illusions promote satisfaction? (2 motives)

1. Self enhancement- we see ourselves better than others see us which boosts our self esteem
2. Self verifications- we want others to see us they way we see us, as we really are (although we think we are better than average we want everyone else to see us this way as well)

63

What is relationship superiority bias and unrealistic optimism

relationship superiority bias-my relationship is better than yours (not restricted to romantic partners)

unrealistic optimism-believe your relationship will last forever (even with divorce rates)

64

What is the fundamental attribution error

When trying to explain behaviour I can look either to the person or to the situation
-when I'm trying to explain someone else's behaviour I blame the situation if they do good but when I talk about my own behaviour It's because I'm so smart. We explain our own behaviour in a way that is self enhancing

65

What's a relationship schema

Cognitive structures representing regularities in patterns of interpersonal relatedness
-certain scripts people follow in certain situations to what the relationship should look like/ how we should interact

66

Romantic vs harmful beliefs in a relationship

Romantic:
-their loves will be perfect
-each of us has only one true love
-true love will find a way to overcome any obstacle
-love is possible at first sight

Harmful beliefs
-disagreements are destructive
-mind reading is essential
-partners can not change
-sex should be perfect every time
-men and women are different
-great relationships just happen

67

Describe growth vs fixed mindset

Growth- ability is not fixed at but you can achieve it with effort

Fixed- born with it, determined at birth

Destiny- just happens

68

What are the 4 social expectations (all subjective)

Certainty-subjective level of probability (I'm like 50% sure he wants to hangout with me)

Accessibility- how quickly does it come to the mind

Explicitness-how aware you are of it

Importance- how relevant is this for you and your relationship

69

What is self presentation

Involves any behaviour that is intended to create, modify, or maintain an impression of ourselves in the minds of others
-convincing other people that I am a likeable person or that I'm suited for that particular job
-two different views of self, public and private
-initially, people strive to create the favourable impression. Over time, people are less likely to engage in self presentation with their partners (lots of work)
-when you tell people about your partner, you do impression formation for them so people will think favourably of him or her

70

What are the three functions of self presentation

1. facilitates social interactions
-going for a job interview, you sit up straight wear nice clothes and you get the job
2. Gain material/social rewards
-get the job or the relationship
3. self construction
-if I behave in a particular way, it tells me who I am

71

How do people create a desirable impression (7)

Self descriptions -describe yourself in a favourable light

expressions of attitudes-agree with/ be more similar. I like hockey to (similarity is attractive)

attributional statements-boost yourself, self enhancing (blame bad test grade on prof)

behaviour-attentive, and gauge to come out nice, cool, compliance (whatever you like is good)

social associations -name dropping (or even groups) I'm on the varsity hockey team

physical environment-clean house, try to leave things around that would indicate similarities or impress others (leave a guitar out)

72

What are some differences between verbal and nonverbal communication

Verbal:
-mostly voluntary
-usually content oriented
-can be clear or vague
-shaped by culture
-discontinuous -not always talking
-single channel( words)

Non-verbal:
-often unconscious-eyebrow flash when you see someone you like
-usually relational -Face mimicry/reflect the same emotion
-inherently ambiguous-not easy to tell what it is or what it means
-shaped by biology
-continuous
-multi channel-many body gestures

73

What are the functions of nonverbal behaviour (6)

Provides information-arms crossed might look stern

regulates interaction -gives indication to whose turn it is to talk in the interaction

definitional-defines the nature of the relationship

social control-can be used to influence others

presentational-putting on a show for others (smiling to a friend when you actually are mad)

service task-The roles of people have will determine what is normal or typical in situation

74

What is the relationship between touch and our evaluation of others

-you perceive others as more approachable, likable, warmer when they touch you
-Touch increase compliance (when appropriate)

75

What is interpersonal space and what does it tell you about people

Invisible bubble of space around you that varies in size and different situations
-it's the distance that we put between others and ourself
-gives non verbal cues to how we feel
-more likely to get physically closer if you like the person
-regulates the interaction to some extent

76

What are the 4 distinct distances and their meanings/messages (Hall 1969)

Intimate distance-close enough to touch, sign of trust and attraction (feel threatened if someone we don't like comes in this range )

Personal distance-know someone is close, our radar goes off. Keeping someone at arms distance. Could indicate they want to come closer/know you

Social distance-typical distance for teachers, doctors. If decrease distance from public to social=increase liking

Public distance-farthest away, difficult to have a conversation

Touch, cues from face and eyes can decrease psychological distance

77

What are examples of non verbal communication and what is its association to relationships

Distance
Face/eyes
Body postures and gestures
Body piercings and tattoos
- The accuracy with which couples communicate nonverbally predicts how happy their relationships will be. Spouses who do poorly at nonverbal communication tend to be dissatisfied

78

How does looking or eye gaze communicate dominance and status

The visual dominance ratio = look speak / look listen
-higher status people tend to use a higher visual dominance ratio than people of lower status
-ratio is 40/60 for prof but 60/40 for a friend
-when student is speaking the prof will look away more often to make student more comfortable

79

Relationship between power pose and hormone levels

Originally believed to decrease stress hormone cortisol and increase testosterone levels
Later believed to only increase confidence
-placebo?
-never been replicated so not seen as valid
-do our bodies influence our mind
-we are driven by emotions
-differences in gender (women often feel less powerful ) more variability within gender than between

80

What is paralanguage

Not what you say but how you say it
-speed of taking, pitch, hesitations, facial expressions
-listeners tend to pay more attention to paralanguage then to content when trying to determine another's feelings attitudes or intentions
-doesn't always work cross culturally
Ex. People who speak fast are often thought of as more intelligent

81

What's the relationship between gender differences and nonverbal sensitivity

Recent evidence now says there are gender differences but this difference is very slight and that gender differences are linked to status and not sex differences
-The high status person would have less nonverbal sensitivity

82

What are the functions of verbal communication

Sharing: sharing of meanings with others

shaping: shapes your own thoughts and perceptions of reality

Naming: creating linguistics symbols

performing actions: requests, invitations, influence

Crafting conversations: interactive, local management, universal, scripts

managing relationships-without words how would it ever be communicated to our partners how we feel about them. The more we verbally communicate with our partners and their friends and family, the stronger our relationships are

83

What is the process of coming together (first part of relationship trajectories)

Initiating: initial attraction

experimenting: Smalltalk

intensifying: increase intimacy

integrating: self and other merge/overlap

bonding: public ritual of commitment (displaying commitment to others in public, necessarily marriage)-turning point

84

What is self disclosure

Personal Information that is revealed to someone else that they would otherwise never be able to learn
Descriptive (factual info) or evaluative ( personal feelings and experiences)

85

Why do people self disclose (five reasons)

1. Expression: get those feelings out, express yourself. Better for your health, more satisfaction with life

2. Self clarification: by talking about it, you figure out what you really mean, want, think etc.

3. Social validation: if someone doesn't laugh after you share your idea, it must be OK, not that bad

4. Social control: have control over what people know about you

5. Relationship development: generates closeness
-The more self disclosure romantic couple share, the happier they tend to be. We tend to disclose more personal information to those we like

86

What is the social penetration theory

Most relationships begin with the exchange of superficial information or small talk and only gradually move to more meaningful revelations.
Relationships develop through systematic changes in communication
-if information about someone exists in several layers, self-disclosure increases in both breadth/width(variety of topics they discuss) and depth(The personal significance of the topics they discuss) as a relationship develops

87

What are the patterns in self disclosure

Culture: self disclosure depends on cultural norms about whom it is appropriate to disclose to
Gender: women tend to disclose more overall particularly to same gender friends then men do

88

What's the relationship between self disclosure and liking

-positive feedback loop with self disclosure and liking
-people who disclose personal information tend to be liked more the people who disclose less.
People disclose more to those who they initially like.
People like others who disclose to them
-couples can develop intimacy through technology as well. Texting only condition, people expressed more affection for their partners (they self disclosed more information)-hyperpersonal

89

What is the importance of non-disclosure in a relationship

-superficial talk is important for a relationship, it is the substance of every day interactions (keeps relationships going)
-there is a time and a place for self disclosure depth to come in but you can't always be self disclosing
-selective non-disclosure (not secrets) also predicts satisfaction (sometimes discretion is a good thing, if it's going to hurt them, why tell them?)

90

What happens to self disclosure in a crisis/when things are not going well

-negative affect reciprocity: you expressed negativity and in response, partner also expresses negativity (spirals)
-less breadth and depth to communication(talk about fewer things and less personal)
-demand/withdraw: one person started to do demanding and other shuts down and with drawls. demander is the one who wants the change (nothing to do with gender)

91

What are the patterns in self disclosure

Culture: self disclosure depends on cultural norms about whom it is appropriate to disclose to
Gender: women tend to disclose more overall particularly to same gender friends then men do

92

What's the relationship between self disclosure and liking

-positive feedback loop with self disclosure and liking
-people who disclose personal information tend to be liked more the people who disclose less.
People disclose more to those who they initially like.
People like others who disclose to them
-couples can develop intimacy through technology as well. Texting only condition, people expressed more affection for their partners (they self disclosed more information)-hyperpersonal

93

What is the importance of non-disclosure in a relationship

-superficial talk is important for a relationship, it is the substance of every day interactions (keeps relationships going)
-there is a time and a place for self disclosure depth to come in but you can't always be self disclosing
-selective non-disclosure (not secrets) also predicts satisfaction (sometimes discretion is a good thing, if it's going to hurt them, why tell them?)

94

What happens to self disclosure in a crisis/when things are not going well

-negative affect reciprocity: you expressed negativity and in response, partner also expresses negativity (spirals)
-less breadth and depth to communication(talk about fewer things and less personal)
-demand/withdraw: one person started to do demanding and other shuts down and with drawls. demander is the one who wants the change (nothing to do with gender)