Sexual Communication Flashcards
(31 cards)
What is communication?
Ongoing verbal, behavioural, and affective (emotional) exchanges that occur in person or via technology.
- Relationship communication
- Sexual communication
When are we communicating?
- How do people communicate about sex before, during, and after sex?
- What are the implications of sexual communication for their relationship or how they feel about their partner(s)?
- What are the associations between some of the communication styles and the longevity of romanic relationships?
- How can we effectively communicate when we are not interested in having sex (i.e., sexual rejection)?
Patterns of Relationship Communication. There are 4 negative behaviours (the four horsemen) that strongly predict relationship dissatisfaction (Gottman):
Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
- Each of these behaviours have an antidote
- Emotional synchrony predicts relationship satisfaction/longevity
Emotional synchrony predicts relationship satisfaction/longevity?
Emotions are contagious and can synchronise between people who have a close relationship. When your partner is happy/sad, you feel happy/sad.
Gottman measured physiological responses associated with heightened emotional response. Couples who are better able to synchronise their emotions during, especially heated, conversation have better relationship satisfaction 20 years later.
Perceived partner responsiveness?
- An antidote to many relationship and sexual problems.
- The extent to which someone views their partner’s verbal and non-verbal responses to be accepting, validating, understand, and caring!
- Perceptions > direct observations for predicting relationship and sexual outcomes
Machine learning uncovers the most robust self-report predictors of relationship quality across 43 longitudinal couples studies.
What are the most robust factors of relationship quality? (5)
5 robust factors of relationship quality.
Perceived partner responsiveness was among the strongest predictors of relationship quality.
Perceived commitment, sexual satisfaction, appreciation, and conflict were other strong predictors.
Sexual communication - What is it?
- Interactions concerning sex that people navigate with others.
- Effective communication about sexuality with one’s partner(s) is important because it is associated with positive outcomes for both partners.
Sexual Communication - Verbal & Non-verbal?
Verbal: Talking about likes/dislikes, noises or verbal exclamations made during sex
Non-verbal: Touching, facial expressions, gestures, eye contact that communicate information.
Non-verbal sexual communication? (2 things to mention, amount & quality)
Non-verbal communication accounts for 60 to 65% of the information exchanged in an interpersonal interaction.
The quality of non-verbal communication between partners is a stronger predictor of relationship satisfaction than is the quality of their verbal communication.
Sexual initiation is often non-verbal?
- May lead to feelings of spontaneity.
- May protect against negative feelings associated with sexual rejection.
Non-verbal communications during sex is also beneficial?
Non-verbal behaviours communicate likes and dislikes as sexual experiences unfold.
What are the barriers to talking about sex?
The situation matters, often very vulnerable e.i. naked.
Fear or rejection.
Goes against scripts of sex portrayed in media.
These barriers doesn’t go away with familiarity, such as in a long-term relationship.
When to talk about sex? (4)
- General brainstorm (way before)
- Talk right before (context)
- During sexual activity (checking in, verbal & nonverbal consent)
- After sexual activity (what went well, what could have gone better)
Talking during sex?
A large proportion of sexual communication happens DURING sex
Mutualistic Sexual talk?
Other-focused sexual talk that relates to sharing the sexual experience with one’s partner(s)
Mutualistic Sexual talk?
4 different components?
Exclamation: “yes” “aah”
Positive feedback: “that feels amazing”
Instructions: “more” “go slower”
Intimacy: “I feel so close to you right now”
Individualistic Sexual talk?
Individualistic talk is self-focused that related to one’s own experience/pleasure
Individualistic Sexual talk?
4 components?
Dominant: “show me your…” “give it to me”
Submissive: “I’m all yours” “do what you want with me”
Ownership: “you’re mine” “ Whose… it this?”
Fantasies: “let’s pretend…” “ I’ve always wanted to…”
Study: Perceived Partner Responsiveness Moderates the Associations Between Sexual Talk and Sexual Relationship Well-Being in Individuals in Long-term Relationships
Results?
Type of sexual talk AND how partners respond to it is linked with sexual and relationship well-being.
- Having a partner who is unresponsive to sexual talk is associated with greater sexual distress and lower sexual well-being.
But what if talking about sex is hard because you have a sexual problem?
Sexual communication can be more difficult when there is a sexual problem.
But when people talk effectively, both they and their partner(s):
- Are more satisfied with the relationship
- Have better sexual function
- Feel less sexual distress
Article: When Tonight is Not the Night: Sexual Rejection Behaviours and Satisfaction in Romantic Relationships
Conducted 4 studies -> consistent and strong findings
Overall reslust? + key mechanism for explaining the effects?
4 different types of rejections:
- Reassuring
- Assertive
- Deflecting
- Hostile
How people rejected their partners’ igniting sex was linked with their level of sexual satisfaction!
Perceived partner responsiveness was a key mechanism explaining these effects!
What is the best way to react your partner?
Reassuring Rejection?
Showing positivity regard for your partner, demonstrating care and love (e.g., offering alternate forms of physical contact, “I love you”, plan for a future encounter)
YAAY!
Associated with greater sexual satisfaction
What is the best way to react your partner?
Assertive Rejection?
Being direct and straightforward about the reason for rejection the partner (e.g., stating clearly the reason you don’t want to have sex, say “no” directly, being open about the reason even if it hurts the partner’s feelings)
MEH
Not strongly associated with sexual satisfaction
What is the best way to react your partner?
Deflecting rejection?
Enacting Passive and non-verbal behaviours eluding a partner’s affection (e.g., presenting not to notice the partner is interested in sex, don’t reciprocate, pretend to sleep)
MEH
Not strongly associated with sexual satisfaction
