Step 7 (CC-SJ Ch8)

Question 1

Which Step is the last stage of the process in which new emotional experience and expression are used to change interactional positions and so restructure interactions?

Answer 1

Step 7

Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 2

In which Step do Withdrawer Re-Engagement and Blamer Softening occur?

Answer 2

Step 7

Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 3

Change events in what Stages and Steps are associated with successful outcome in EFT?

Answer 3

just Stage 2 - Step 7

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Question 4

In a Softening what is the Pursuer now able to ask for, and how does s/he ask?

Answer 4

contact and comfort - from a position of vunerability

Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 5

Which comes first - completed Blamer Softening or established Withdrawer Re-Engagement?

Answer 5

Withdrawer Re-Engagement

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Question 6

As the Blamer reaches the end of Step 7 how are the couple with each other?

Answer 6

both are more accessible and responsive and powerful new bonding events can occur, these heighten the developing emotional engagement between the couple and construct a new positive bonding cycle
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 7

By the end of Step 7 a new positive bonding cycle develops, how strong is this?

Answer 7

It is as self-reinforcing as the original negative cycle, and so fosters a more secure attachment between the couple
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 8

When a partner expresses their wants and needs from an empowered, accessible position what does it challenge their partner to do?

Answer 8

it challenges the other partner to engage in the same process and pulls them towards the expressing partner.
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 9

A partner states their wants and needs from an empowered, accessible position constitutes a shift in what?

Answer 9

interactional position

Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 10

What happens when someone engages with and expands their underlying emotion in Step 5?

Answer 10

the interactional position that was organised by the emotion now evolves and changes
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 11

In which step might someone say ‘I feel small and inept with you, and live in fear of you really seeing this and leaving me, so I go numb and placate.’?

Answer 11

Step 5

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Question 12

In which Step might someone say ‘I am tired of numbing out, I want to feel special to you. I want you to hold off on the criticism and quit threatening to leave. I’m not going to feel small in the relationship anymore.’?

Answer 12

Step 7

Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 13

In Step 7 when a partner expresses their wants and needs from a position of increased efficacy how is s/he now defining the relationship?

Answer 13

the relationship is now defined for him/herself, rather than reacting to the other’s definitions
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 14

At what point does the relationship become redefined as a secure base?

Answer 14

When the second partner joins the first in Step 7 - when they are both engaged in their own emotional experience and accessible it leads to new bonding events and a redefinition of the relationship as a secure base
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 15

In Step 7 what kind of needs does a partner express?

Answer 15

what they need in order to feel safe and connected in the relationship
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 16

In Step 7 a partner expresses needs from a new interactional stance, what are some of the components of this new stance?

Answer 16

more equal and affiliative authentic attempt at engagement with the other flexible admitting responsibility
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 17

In Step 7 a partner is much less likely to express needs in what ways?

Answer 17

negotiation or proposed exchange of resources
blaming the other defensive, constricted, inflexible evoking the negative cycle
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 18

What is it that is so confirming and compelling for the other partner about the partner’s expression of wants and needsin Step 7?

Answer 18

The nature of the requests tends to confirm the other spouse’s sense of being irreplaceable to, and having a powerful effect on, his or her partner. This implicitly addresses the other spouse’s deprivation and attachment needs.
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 19

How is Step 7 based on Steps 5 and 6?

Answer 19

In Step 7 the new emotional experience of Step 5, which has been integrated into relationship interactions in Step 6, is used to restructure the relationship.
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 20

What are the 3 markers in Step 7 in which the therapist needs to intervene?

Answer 20

1) partner reiterates or further expands the emotional experience of Step 5 but doesn’t symbolise the implicit needs and wants
2) partner spontaneously begins to state wants & needs to the therapist, but doesn’t address them to the other partner or exits
3) other partner responds to the new behaviour of the experiencing partner - either openly & positively or begins to discount this new behaviour
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 21

Step 7 - what is the task of the therapist when there is the marker of a partner reiterating or further expanding the emotional experience of Step 5 but not symbolising the implicit wants and needs?

Answer 21

Task - help this partner formulate the needs and wants arising out of this experience, and encourage the expression of these to the other partner
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 22

Step 7 - what is the task of the therapist when there is the marker of a partner spontaneously beginning to state wants & needs to the therapist, but not addressing them to the other partner or exiting?

Answer 22

Task - redirect the process of sharing toward the other partner, or back to a more pertinent focus, and support this person to share his/her desires with the partner.
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 23

Step 7 - what is the task of the therapist when there is the marker of the other partner responding - either openly or discounting the new behaviour of the experiencing partner?

Answer 23

Task - in both cases the therapist invites the experiencing partner to continue to respond in an emotionally engaged way and state his/her own wants and needs. If observing partner responds openly and positively - therapist acknowledges, heightens, and fosters this response; if observing partner discounts - therapist reflects and validate the difficulties s/he is having in responding to changes in the partner.
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 24

In Step 7 how does the therapist respond differently if the observing partner responds openly and positively or discounts the new behaviour of the experiencing partner?

Answer 24

If observing partner responds openly and positively - therapist acknowledges, heightens, and fosters this response; if observing partner discounts - therapist reflects and validate the difficulties s/he is having in responding to changes in the partner.
Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 25

In which Step are the clients starting to take on more and more initiative - with the therapist becoming less active but encouraging and redirecting as necessary?

Answer 25

Step 7 | Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 26

What is the therapist's main task in Step 7?

Answer 26

restructuring interactions - by tracking & heightening interactions, reframing interactions, and especially directing the creation of new interactions based on new emotional experience. Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 27

In Step 7 when blocks appear which more intrapsychic interventions are used?

Answer 27

evocative responding and empathic conjecture | Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 28

Which skill is this and which Step is being described? - the therapist focuses on the client's emerging experience to help him/her clarify wishes and longings, or to clarify expressing such things to the partner?

Answer 28

Evocative responding in Step 7 | Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 29

Which skills is this and which Step is being described? - It is sometimes necessary to help clients symbolise their longings, which have often been pushed aside to maintain the stability of the relationship, and to lessen their own sense of deprivation.

Answer 29

Empathic conjecture in Step 7 | Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 30

When the couple are at Step 7 in what way might the therapist be tracking and reflecting the cycle that is different from earlier?

Answer 30

It is not about the cycle they came in with but rather reflecting changes to the negative cycle and the beginning of a new more positive cycle. Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 31

Which skill is this and which Step is being described? - The difficulties that partners experience in stating their needs are placed in the context of their experience of the negative cycle, and the expectations and vulnerabilities that arise as a result of that cycle.

Answer 31

Reframing in Step 7 | Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 32

In Step 7 what is the most common therapist intervention, and sometimes the only intervention necessary?

Answer 32

Restructuring interactions - the choreographing of a request and the heightening of a positive response. Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 33

The commonest therapist intervention in Step 7 is also one that requires relentless focus and directiveness. What is it?

Answer 33

Restructuring interactions - the choreographing of a request and the heightening of a positive response. Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 34

In Step 5 what is it that the withdrawer fully experiences?

Answer 34

his real fear of contact, with all the weight and dread of his catastrophic expectations e.g. 'She'll finally see how pathetic I am' Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 35

In which Step is a Withdrawer most likely to say 'If I really showed her who I am she'd finally see how pathetic I am'?

Answer 35

Step 5 | Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 36

In which Step is a Withdrawer likely to say 'I want to feel desired, like I might be someone you like to be with. I want you to help me learn about how to be close'?

Answer 36

Step 7 | Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 37

In which Step is the observing partner most likely to be saying 'You expect e to believe that? You never told me that before… It seems so sad…'?

Answer 37

Step 6 | Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 38

What is the process of Withdrawer Engagement from Step 5 through to Step 7?

Answer 38

a) W owns emotions underlying their interactional position in the relationship - experiencing fully fear of contact and his catastrophic expectations; b) he processes this fear with the therapist who directs him to share it with his partner; c) he congruently shares his fear with partner & then access more specific hurt and expresses this to partner; d) observing partner responds with disbelief and cold detachment but with therapist's validation begins to struggle with the message; e) W stays engaged with the support of the therapist, his emotional experience tells him clearly where he is and what he wants, he feels entitled to his emotions and starts to verbalise them; f) therapist supports observing partner to hear W and helps her deal with her anxiety; g) therapist encourages W to tell his partner his wants and needs, including what he can and cannot, will and will not, do in the relationship. W is now adtively defining the relationship and himself, his role and desires, in it. Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 39

When the Withdrawer Re-engages he is no longer powerless, avoiding emotion and connection and elusive but instead is …?

Answer 39

powerful, engaged with his emotions, seeking contact and present in the interaction Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 40

When does Softening usually happen?

Answer 40

After the Withdrawer has fully re-engaged | Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 41

How does the Pursuer's focus shift in Step 5?

Answer 41

From focusing on the faults of the other to focusing more on the self - accessing powerful attachment-related fears and/or experiences that organise their behaviour in relation to their partner Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 42

What is this person's position and in what Step would they be saying this - 'I promised myself to never count on anyone again. You might disintegrate. So I hit out first and keep my softness hidden.'?

Answer 42

Pursuer, Step 5 | Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 43

What is it that can really support the Pursuer to keep processing her inner experience?

Answer 43

That the Withdrawer has already gone through this process and so is much more responsive than previously Creating Connection, SJ, 2004

Question 44

What skill is being used when the therapist says 'So, you could never turn to him and …'?

Answer 44

Seeding attachment | Creating Connection, SJ, 2004