Tom Scene One

Question 1

Good girl. Good. Go on. Play. Run around. Good

Answer 1

Hiya.

Question 2

Hello

Answer 2

New around here?

Question 3

Just got a dog

Answer 3

That one yours?

Question 4

Right

Answer 4

Cute

Question 5

Thanks

Answer 5

Cute little butt on her

Question 6

I agree

Answer 6

That’s my Golden sniffing around her

Question 7

Good-looking dog

Answer 7

His name’s Bowser

Question 8

He looks like a Bowser

Answer 8

He is. He is definitely a Bowser

Question 9

Mine’s called Sylvia

Answer 9

Sylvia?.. Uh oh

Question 10

You don’t like the name Sylvia?

Answer 10

Might cause problems

Question 11

Why?

Answer 11

Give a dog a woman’s name, you begin to think of her as a woman

Question 12

(first one) Oh yes?

Answer 12

That can be dangerous. Which is why I go for doggy names. Spot. Fido. Bowser … Sylvia? That can spell trouble

Question 13

Oh come on

Answer 13

Maybe I’m just associating. I had girl named Sylvia

Question 14

Was she good-looking?

Answer 14

No she was dog (Both laugh then both watch)

Question 15

They seem to be getting along

Answer 15

Sylvia and Bowser. (Calling out) easy, Bowser. Go slow (To Greg) Is Sylvia spayed?

Question 16

She’s a stray. I haven’t had her checked yet.

Answer 16

Don’t let them spay her till you’re sure she’s been in heat

Question 17

Don’t?

Answer 17

It’s a feminist thing. You’re supposed to let her experience how it feels to be female. That way, she’ll retain a sense of gender later on

Question 18

Ah.

Answer 18

There’s a book on the subject. Called Play Now, Spay Later. I’ll bring it the next time I come to the park

Question 19

Sylvia: Oh boy! Look out, Bowser! Here I come!

Answer 19

She’s a little insecure, isn’t she?

Question 20

Why do you say that?

Answer 20

The way she checks back with you

Question 21

She loves me

Answer 21

Ah

Question 22

She thinks I saved her life. I’m her knight in shining armor

Answer 22

Uh-oh

Question 23

Now what’s the matter?

Answer 23

You married?

Question 24

Sure. Why?

Answer 24

Wife fond of Sylvia?

Question 25

Not yet. Why?

Answer 25

Kids out of the nest?

Question 26

Right. Why?

Answer 26

Be careful.

Question 27

What do you mean?

Answer 27

You can get lost in it

Question 28

Oh yee?

Answer 28

Sure. A man and his dog. It's a big thing

Question 29

Oh yes? (page 22)

Answer 29

Sure. A man and his dog. It's a big thing

Question 30

I guess it is

Answer 30

Women sense it. They nose it out. My wife feels very threatened by it

Question 31

She does?

Answer 31

Oh God yes. And I imagine it's worse with yours

Question 32

Why?

Answer 32

No offense, but you're older. With older guys it can become major

Question 33

Think so?

Answer 33

Oh sure. It's something to hold onto, on the way down

Question 34

Oh now

Answer 34

Look, women with dogs, no problem. A dog is basically another kid to them. It's a maternal thing. But for guys, it's different. When I come home at night, I have to REMIND myself to kiss my wife before I say hello to Bowser

Question 35

Mmm hmm

Answer 35

I even think about him at work. I keep wanting to call him up and chew the fat. I don't think it's gay thing, but I love that guy

Question 36

I can understand that

Answer 36

And they say it's even worse if your dog's a female

Question 37

Really?

Answer 37

There was a guy here, had a dog named Debbie-- half basset, half beagle-- sweet little thing. His wife walked in on him giving Debbie a bath, and got so jealous she gave the dog away

Question 38

Christ! What did the guy do?

Answer 38

Sued her for damages. The judge was a dog owner and came down on his side. He said a man and his dog is a sacred relationship. What nature hath put together let no woman put asunder

Question 39

So what happened?

Answer 39

Well, the guy got Debbie back, and his wife back, and they all tried moving to Vermont. But it's still not good. Someone visited them recently and said it reminded him of the last chapter of Ethan Frome

Question 40

Good Lord

Answer 40

There's a book out on the problem, actually. Your Pooch and Your Partner. It has one basic bit of advice: always remember that your dog is simply a dog. Always keep reminding yourself of that fact. Not a person. Just a dog. Force yourself to think it. Otherwise you can get into deep dogshit

Question 41

Gotcha

Answer 41

Well. Time to go. Better hold Sylvia so she won't follow Bowser

Question 42

Oh she won't do that

Answer 42

She might. Bowser brings out the beast in them (He goes off)