06. Close Relationships II

Question 1

How do people maintain satisfying relationships?

Answer 1

Responsiveness -> attentiveness and support (Reis & Gable, 2015)

Question 1

Benefits of perceived responsiveness

Answer 1

• personal (e.g., health, well-being, non-defensiveness, intellectual openness)
• relationship (e.g., satisfaction, closeness, trust, commitment, prosocial orientation)
• one of the strongest predictors of relationship quality (Joel et al., 2020) in 43 longitudinal studies

Question 2

But is perception accurate?

Answer 2

Not all the time (ego-centrism and projection)

Question 3

Study: Responsive Acts in Daily Life
(Visserman et al., 2019)

Answer 3

• we only detect ~50% of our partner’s sacrifices
• there were ‘false alarms’

Question 4

Seeing sacrifices is important

Answer 4

• seeing sacrifices increases gratitude
• not seeing sacrifices makes the partner that makes sacrifices feel underappreciated

Question 5

Gratitude is important

Answer 5

• benefits people’s health and happiness (Wood et al., 2010)
• benefits the quality and longevity of relationships (Algoe et al., 2010; Gordon et al., 2012)
• feeling appreciated by partner buffers insecurely attached individuals’ relationship satisfaction and commitment (Park et al. 2019)

Question 6

What is conflict?

Answer 6

When someone’s motives, goals, beliefs, opinions, or behaviour interfere with other people’s

Question 7

Conflict frequency

Answer 7

Conflict is inevitable but frequency varies

Question 8

Conflict frequency for dating couples

Answer 8

2.3 conflicts per week (e.g., Lloyd, 1987)

Question 9

Conflict frequency for married couples

Answer 9

• “Memorable differences of opinion” ~3 to 4 per week (Papp et al., 2009)
• “Unpleasant disagreements” ~1 to 2 per month (McGonagle et al., 1992)

Question 10

What are conflict patterns?

Answer 10

The conflict itself does not matter so much as the conflict pattern

The ‘Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse’ (John Gottman) are 4 hostile conflict patterns that damage relationships

Question 11

How common are hostile conflict patterns?

Answer 11

Very common!
- 24% of couples reported hostile patterns (Busby & Holman, 2009 – 2,000)
- same patterns and associations with dissatisfaction in China (Li et al., 2019)

Question 12

Hostile conflict pattern:
Criticism

Answer 12

• attacking personality or character rather than behaviour

Question 13

Hostile conflict pattern:
Contempt

Answer 13

• treating partner as inferior (rolling eyes, insulting)

Question 14

Hostile conflict pattern:
Defensiveness

Answer 14

• denying responsibility,

Question 15

Hostile conflict pattern:
Stonewalling

Answer 15

• ignoring partner completely
• refusing to respond

Question 16

What are transgressions?

Answer 16

Hurtful behaviour from those we don’t expect

Question 17

What is forgiveness?

Answer 17

• required to move on from a transgression
• repairs the relationship (Fincham et al., 2007)
• promotes the victim’s well-being (Karremans et al., 2003)

Question 18

Novelty & Growth: what is self-expansion?

Answer 18

The gaining of new experiences, often through a new partner (Aron et al., 2022; Muise et al., 2019)

Relationships suffer when they stagnate and self-expansion stops

Question 19

Predictors of Break-up & Divorce

Answer 19

Meta-analysis of 137 longitudinal studies (Le et al., 2010) showed the following predictors:
- Commitment
- Closeness
- Network support
- Insecure attachment styles

Question 20

What causes divorce?

Answer 20

(Amato & Previti, 2003)
- 22% Infidelity
- 19% Incompatible
- 11% Drinking/substance abuse
- 10% Grew apart
- 9% Personality problems
- 9% Communication difficulties
- 6% Physical or mental abuse
- 4% Love was lost (one of the least likely causes)
- 3% Don’t know

Question 21

What external factors cause divorce?

Answer 21

• Socioeconomic status (income, education) (Wilcox & Marquardt, 2010)
• Race, when facing other adversities (Johnson, 2012)
• Divorce laws (“no-fault legislation”) (Wolfers, 2006)
• Working women (e.g., Mencarini & Vignoli, 2018)
• Expensive wedding (Francis-Tan & Mialon, 2015)
• Age at marriage (Glenn et al., 2010)
• Parental divorce (Amato & Patterson, 2017)
• Stressful life events, trauma (Randall & Bodenmann, 2009)

Question 22

Adjusting after a break-up

Answer 22

• separation feels like physical pain (Kross et al., 2011)
• detaching takes time (Peplau et al., 1982)
• self-concept must be redefined (Slotter et al., 2010)
• takes ~6 months
• shorter than people expect! (Gilbert et al., 1998)
• people tend to discount that they may have new experiences and grow to see their partner more negatively

Question 23

Wellbeing in singlehood (Girme et al., 2022) depends on:

Answer 23

• Wanting to be single
• Having high-quality friendships
• Perceived social support

Societal influences:
- Endorsement of marriage and family ideology
- Stigma and discrimination (“singlism”)
- traditional norms about gender and parenthood