Act 2 Scene 5

Question 1

Bertha: Well, here we are.

77

Answer 1

Arles: Yep, here we are. (pause) Right here.

Question 2

Bertha: Arles, thank you for the flowers…

…I just wouldn’t feel like a bride without flowers.

Answer 2

Arles: It’s a good thing that grocery store was open. You have to think fast when you elope.

Question 3

Bertha: And the Justice of the Peace was so nice, and his wife knew all the words to “Misty”. Who would have imagined that?

Answer 3

Arles: She sure could play that accordion.

Question 4

Bertha: Oh, my, yes. She went to town on that accordion.

Answer 4

A: And I thought their kids lighting those sparklers as we left was a nice touch.

Question 5

B: Oh, and Arles, thank you for going by the car wash and getting all that writing off the back window. What was it they wrote back there?

Answer 5

A: They said, “It’ll be a hot time in the old gown tonight”

Question 6

B: Lord, I hope nobody noticed that.

Answer 6

A: I don’t think so. The whole town was out at the stockyards watching the fireworks.

Question 7

B: (pause) Well here we are

Answer 7

A: Yeah. Here we are. (pause and pats the bed) Nice firm mattress.

Question 8

B: uh huh. Nice and firm. (falls back)`

Answer 8

A: I like ‘em real firm. You don’t?

Question 9

B: Oh, this one is fine, just fine

Answer 9

A: I can call the desk and have them bring another.

Question 10

B: No, no.

Answer 10

A: You know what the desk cleark said about satisfaction being guaranteed. I can help him bring in another mattress if that’s what you want.

Question 11

B: I wouldn’t think of it. This one is just fine. Nice and firm.

Answer 11

A: Firm. (puts feet on bed)

Question 12

B: Pretty wallpaper.

Answer 12

A:Uh huh. Real pretty.

Question 13

B: I like yellow.

Answer 13

A: Goes good with your hair.

Question 14

B: Thank you. What is that hanging from the ceiling?

Answer 14

A: I expect those bolts used to hold a mirror up there.

Question 15

B: A mirror? Why would anybody hang a mirror above a bed.

Answer 15

A: Well, it is a honeymoon suite.

Question 16

B: Oh, my, I could never watch that. I’d have to wear sunglasses or something. I’d be worried to death it would fall.

Answer 16

A: (laughs) Well, that’s not the way I’d like to be found, sandwiched between my bride and a two hundred pound mirror.

Question 17

(They laugh, pause, B reaches to night stand and takes pill)

Answer 17

A: That’s not a hormone pill, is it?

Question 18

B: No. It’s for my acid reflux.

Answer 18

A: Thank God almighty. I want you to promise me something.

Question 19

B: What?

Answer 19

A: If the doctor ever puts you on hormones, I want you to promise to tell me and for Gods sake promise to take them.

Question 20

B: Why?

Answer 20

A: Just promise, I’ve travelled this route before.

Question 21

B: All right, I promise.

Answer 21

A: Trudy used to get mad and refused to take her hormones.

Question 22

B: Did that make her mean?

Answer 22

A: Mean? Mean with back hair. It got so bad when she refused to take ‘em, hell, I’d take them instead.

Question 23

B: Arles!

Answer 23

A: Hell, one of us had to have some relief.

Question 24

B: Did they affect you?

Answer 24

A: I didn’t notice much change. I started going to a lot of Julia Roberts movies (he laughs she doesn’t) That’s a joke.

Question 25

B: I don't get it.

Answer 25

A: Let's just let it pass (pause and B hiccups) Are you all right?

Question 26

B: This happens whenever I get nervous. (hiccups)

Answer 26

A: Can I do anything for you?

Question 27

B: Distract me. If I put my mind on something else it will stop.

Answer 27

A: Okay (searches) Nice big TV. Two hundred channels. You want me to turn it on?

Question 28

B: (hiccups) No I'm fine.

Answer 28

A: We can find out about the weather in Arkansas, see what its going to be like when we get there.

Question 29

B: No, I'd rather be surprised... ...I know you'll like it.

Answer 29

A: I just want you to be happy, Baby. (touches B and she screams) I'm sorry.

Question 30

B: Oh, that scared me.

Answer 30

A: Why?

Question 31

B: Well, I didn't know who it was.

Answer 31

A: Nobody here but us chickens (laughs) That's another joke

Question 33

B: I don't get that one either.

Answer 33

A: Well, it's not supposed to be comedy night at the Grand Ole Opry. It's supposed to be a wedding bed.

Question 34

B: Well, excuse me, but its been a long time since I've been in a wedding bed

Answer 34

A: Well, it's not something I'd think you'd forget. It's like riding a bicycle.

Question 35

B: I never got the hang of a bicycle.

Answer 35

A: Great.

Question 36

B: Arles, don't get mouthy with me.

Answer 36

A: I'm not getting mouthy with you. All I did was touch you.

Question 37

B: And I told you I didn't know who it was.

Answer 37

A: Who in the hell did you think it was? (shouts under bed) All right, everybody out!

Question 38

B: That's not funny.

Answer 38

A: I couldn't agree more (pause) Well, we might as well see what's on the tube. (rolls across bed)

Question 39

B: Don't you dare. I'm not spending my honeymoon watching Greta Van Whats-her-chops.

Answer 39

A: Well what would you like to do? I've got a frisbee in the car.

Question 40

B: I'm sorry Arles... ...waiting for him to get out of prison.

Answer 40

A: You know, one time I waited three months for Trudy to come home from the grocery store. She left one night to get cigarettes, said she'd be back in ten minutes, and it took me three months to find her.

Question 41

B: Where'd you find her?

Answer 41

A: Playing bingo on an Indian reservation in Oklahoma.

Question 42

B: Oh, my. What did she say when you found her?

Answer 42

A: She asked me for a cigarette.

Question 43

B: Oh.

Answer 43

A: We never did find the car.

Question 44

B: Well, we both deserve better. I think this new marriage should offer us something different, don't you agree?

Answer 44

A: One hundred percent. And I've got just what we need right here. (pulls out book)

Question 46

B: What is it?

Answer 46

A: It's a book about healthy sexual relationships between a husband and a wife that I got from my cousin Slim.

Question 48

B: The preacher?

Answer 48

A: Yep.

Question 50

B: Let me see that. Would you look at the size of that word. It's too big for Wheel of Fortune.

Answer 50

A: Read what it says there.

Question 51

B: Oh I could never do that

Answer 51

A: Why not?

Question 52

B: Well, I'd get the giggles for one thing.

Answer 52

A: Read at the top of the next page

Question 53

B: (reads) Well I don't... That's just... Have you ever done that?

Answer 53

A: Well...

Question 54

B: Arles!

Answer 54

A: Read on.

Question 55

B: And you got this from a preacher?

Answer 55

A: There's nothing in there thats not part of a healthy sexual relationship between a husband and wife.

Question 56

B: I don't know.

Answer 56

A: Turn the page.

Question 57

B: Oh lord, how did they manage that? I've seen enough. I had no idea folks did that sort of thing.

Answer 57

A: All the time.

Question 58

B: And to think all these years I was married to a man whose bedroom manner was roll over and play dead. Why that sorry son of...

Answer 58

A: Baby, Hank and Trudy are part of the past, and every time we bring them up we go back there. We don't need to do that. We've got everything ahead of us. I promise you, this marriage is going to be different.

Question 59

B: Well, all right. But if I'm going to do that... then you need to get things rolling like it shows on page seventeen.

Answer 59

A: I think I can oblige you.

Question 60

B: My pleasures are import too.

Answer 60

A: I hear you, Baby.

Question 61

B: I want to feel desired.

Answer 61

A: Don't hold back.

Question 62

B: And never taken for granted.

Answer 62

A: Baby baby baby

Question 63

B: I want to be pursued

Answer 63

A: You want to be pursued?

Question 64

B: I want to be pursued by you, and only you?

Answer 64

A: You want to be pursued?

Question 65

B: I want to be pursued

Answer 65

A: Well, take off!

Question 66

B: Arles, stop it. You are so silly, Arles, you're going to make me pee in my pants.

Answer 66

A: Don't fight it baby. It's bigger than the both of us!