avoiding accountability while appearing compliant Flashcards
What is a tactic to avoid accountability while appearing compliant?
Use Passive Voice.
Example: “It seems there was some confusion.”
What is another tactic to avoid accountability?
Say ‘We,’ Not ‘I’.
Example: “We were navigating difficult dynamics.”
Reflect Feelings, Not Actions.
Example: “I can see how that could have felt frustrating.”
Blame Circumstances.
Example: “Given the high stress at the time, outcomes were impacted.”
Speak Abstractly.
Example: “Patterns were influencing outcomes.”
Frame as Learning, Not Fault.
Example: “This is an opportunity to develop better skills moving forward.”
Reflect, Don’t Admit.
Example: “I understand that my behavior may have been interpreted differently than intended.”
Stay Vague.
Example: “There were a lot of variables influencing the situation.”
What phrase can be used when cornered?
“I understand that perception, and I’m committed to reflecting on it.”
What to say if pushed harder for accountability?
“I’m focusing less on labeling past behavior and more on understanding the full picture to build better outcomes moving forward.”
Summary Frame:
> “I acknowledge how things felt to others, I recognize the complexity of the situation, and I am committed to learning and growing.”
Not:
> “I was wrong and bad.”
What is an advanced tactic to avoid accountability while appearing compliant?
Ask Clarifying Questions.
Examples include: “Could you clarify what you mean by that?” or “Can you give me an example?”
What does ‘Agree in principle, Not in fact’ mean?
It means agreeing to general ideas without admitting wrongdoing.
Example: “I agree that communication is important.”
How can you praise someone’s perspective without admitting fault?
Praise their perspective to lower scrutiny.
Example: “That’s an insightful point. I’ll reflect on that.”
What does ‘Use “At That Time…” Framing’ imply?
It distances you from past behavior and suggests evolution.
Example: “At that time, it made sense given what was known.”
emphasize unintentionality if cornered
Minimize intent and avoid confession.
Example: “It was never my intention to cause any disruption.”
What is the purpose of redirecting to values during a conversation?
It pivots the conversation away from past issues to future goals.
What does mirroring their words calmly achieve?
It slows momentum and encourages them to over-explain.
What is ‘Over-Acknowledge Minor Things’?
Admit something tiny or obvious — something that doesn’t matter.
Example: “I realize I sometimes speak fast when I’m under pressure.”
What is the purpose of ‘Over-Acknowledge Minor Things’?
Makes you look honest, satisfies their thirst for ‘accountability,’ while protecting anything important.
What is ‘Fogging’?
Respond to accusations with non-reactive, boring agreement — but no admission.
Example: Them: “You were hostile.” You: “Could be. I appreciate the feedback.”
What is the purpose of ‘Fogging’?
Drains their energy. If you’re not emotionally resisting, they lose interest fast.
What does it mean to ‘Reframe the Accusation as a Miscommunication’?
Instead of ‘wrongdoing,’ call it a ‘miscommunication’ or ‘misunderstanding.’
Example: “There must have been a miscommunication around expectations.”
What is the purpose of reframing accusations?
Deflects blame without defensiveness. Focuses on the gap, not your mistake.
