Chapter 11- Interpersonal Conflict Flashcards by Kendall Johnson

Define conflict

The interaction of interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals and interference from each other in achieving those goals

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Which types of relationships are conflicts found?

Family
Romantic
Friend ships
Work relationships

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What does conflict entail

I’m compatible goals

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I’m a conflict are the relational partners dependent on each other?

Yes

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What do we fail to realize in a conflict?

People can reach their goals with collaborative conflict skills

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According to William Cupach and Daniel J Canary, why is it important to study interpersonal conflict?

To improve our competence in conflict management

To learn that conflict is natural

To realize that people develop individually through conflict

And to accomplish satisfying relationships

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Why is a conflict free relationship impossible?

We have different wants needs and goals

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When does personal growth occur in a conflict

When we learn how to manage it

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How does conflict build empathy? (Example?)

We can understand and actually feel the emotions experienced by others who contend with conflicts like ours

Example- a friend needs advice on a conflict- you know show to handle it from past experiences

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Define social information processing (SIP) theory

Cmc (computer mediated communication) groups can develop social rules similar to FTf (face to face) groups if given enough time for an equal amount of message exchange.

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Does conflict reflect and unhealthy relationship or one that is in trouble? Why or why not?

How we MANAGE conflict affects our relationships

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What are the four types of conflict?

Pseudoconflict

Content conflict

Value conflict

Ego conflict

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Define pseudoconflict

When we falsely believe that a relationship partner has incompatible goals or is interfering with our attainment of our own goals

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Example of a pseudoconflict and how to manage it

A friend mocks you at a party but they weren’t trying to damage your face they were trying to keep the party going

Win win- find a way to meet a persons needs

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Define content conflict

We disagree about information

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Example of a content conflict

And how to manage it

Ferrari doesn’t make the most expensive car, Porsche does

Look it up online or find a credible person

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Define value conflict

When we have differing opinions on issues that relate to our personal value systems and issues of RIGHT and wrong

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ARE value conflicts always solvable?

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Example of value conflict and how to manage it

Agreeing to disagree on gun laws and deer hunting

Define ego conflict

Individuals believe that they must win all costs to save face

An example of an ego conflict

And how to manage

You don’t know what you’re talking about!

Use face saving skills, owning thoughts to move the conflict to a value or content level

What is the easiest conflict to manage to the hardest?

Top= easy, bottom=hardest

Pseudoconflict

Content conflict

Value conflict

Ego conflict

Define personal conflict styles

Preferred ways of dealing with conflict situations

According to Ralph h Kilmann and Kenneth W Thomas, what are the five basic conflict styles that indicate how much concern we have for attaining our personal goals

Avoiding
Accommodating
Competing
Compromising
Collaborating

How do we avoid conflict?

When we remove ourselves from our conflict and we avoid psychologically when we refuse to discuss the issue

What does avoiding tasks include?

Withholding complaints Making irrelevant comments to divert attention away from the issue under dispute Denying the existence of conflict

Look at table on page 299

Do it

Define accommodating

Sacrificing our needs for our partners

Why can accommodating lead to poor decision making?

Because we fail to voice our knowledge about an issue Can result in one person taking advantage of another

Define competing

Meeting our needs without concern for our partners

Is competing always bad?

No especially when it's concern for the safety of another (a child wearing a seat belt)

Define compromising

Both parties give up what they want in order to achieve partial satisfaction in meeting their goals

Define collaborating

When we attempt to satisfy both our needs and our partner's needs

How do people in a collaborative relationship handle their conflicts

They exhibit effective and appropriate communication as they openly discuss differences of opinion and refuse to engage in personal attacks

Look at the collaborative conflict resolution skills table on page 302

Do it

What are the four steps of a collaborative conflict resolution method?

Separate the people from the problem Focus on interests Generate a variety of possibilities before deciding what to do Insist that the results be based on some objective standard (criteria)

Difference between positions and interests

Positions- conclusions that we believe we need to defend and are specific solutions to interests Interests are reasons that underlie positions and are varied and diffuse

How do we focus on interests?

Ask things like: why do you feel so strongly about this?

What are the other ways to resolve conflict

Apology and forgiveness

How do you appologize

Acknowledging the severity of an offense Taking responsibility for the offense Disparaging the "bad self" who committed the act Offering penitence or restitution Promising appropriate future behavior

What is the purpose of apologies

To persuade someone that whatever the appropriate behavior, it is not a true representation of our character

Define forgiveness

The process of overcoming resentment toward persons who have committed a transgression

Is forgiveness the same as denying and making excuses?

Nope

What is the "REACH" method in forgiveness?

R- recall the hurt (objectively not in a pity way) E- empathize A-altruistic gift (when we recall we were in the wrong and were forgiven) C-committing ourselves to forgive H- holding onto forgiveness

How communicate our forgiveness?

Direct Indirect Conditions

How do we do direct, indirect, or conditions

Direct- I forgive you Indirect- it's no big deal Conditions- I'll forgive you if you promise not to do it again