Chapter 7 - Create the Illusion of Control Flashcards
(17 cards)
There’s always a team on the other side…
All the support in the world won’t work if your counterpart’s team is dysfunctional. if your negotiation efforts don’t reach past your counterpart and into the team behind him, then you’ve got a “hope” - based deal - and hope is not strategy…
We also needed new ways to get thing without asking for them…
Not the signature of law enforcement questions… Or close-ended questions with their yes-no dynamic.
What does a “how” question does:
“How” engages because “how” asks for help…
What is Our job as persuaders?
It is easier than we think. It’s not to get others believing what we say. It’s just stop them unbelieving. Once we achieve that, the game’s half-won. “Unbelief is the friction that keeps persuasion in check,” “Without it, there’d be no limits.”
Giving your counterpart the illusion of control by asking calibrated questions - by asking for help - is one of the most powerful tools for suspending unbelief.
Robert Estabrook once said: “He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has discovered the most valuable secret of negotiation.”
Summarize the situation, and ask: “How am I supposed to do that?”
“You’re right. You can’t and we apologize.”
Now, think about how my client’s questions worked: without accusing them of anything, it pushed the big company to understand her problem and offer the solution she wanted.
Like the softening words and phrases “perhaps”, “maybe”, “I think” and “It seems,”…
The calibrated open-ended questions takes the aggression out of a confrontational statement…
Calibrated questions have the power of:
To educate your counterpart on what the problem is rather than causing conflict by telling them what the problem is…
First off, calibrated questions avoid verbs or word like: “Can”, “Is”, “are”, “do”, or “does”. These are close-ended questions that can be answered with a simple yes or not…
Instead, they start with a list of words people know as reporter’s questions:
“Who”
“What”
“When”
“Where”
“Why”
“How”
Those words inspire your counterpart to think and then speak expansively…
But let me cut this list even further: It’s best to start with:
“What”
“How” and sometimes “Why”
Nothing else. “Who”, “When”, and “Where” will often just get your counterpart to share a fact without thinking.”
“Why” can back fire. It’s more accusatory.
The only time you can use “Why” successfully is when the defensiveness that is created supports the change you’re trying to get them to see…
“Why would you ever change from the way you’ve always done things and try my approach?”
another one…
“Why would your company ever change from your long-standing vendor and choose our company?”…
Otherwise, treat “Why” like a burner on a hot-stove - don’t touch it…
Use the two calibrated words to calibrate nearly any question… “What” and “How”
“How does this look to you?”
“What about this works for you?”
“What about this doesn’t work for you?”
“What is the biggest challenge you face?”
Even something as harsh as “Why did you do that?” can be calibrated to
“What caused you do to it?” Which takes emotion away and makes the question less accusatory
All negotiation is an information-gathering process depending on the situation: Use some of these to collect information…
“What about this is important to you?”
“How can I help you to make this better for you?”
“How would you like me to proceed?”
“What is it that brought us into this situation?”
“How can we solve this problem?”
“What’s the objective/ What are we trying to accomplish here?”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
What’s the implication of any well-designed calibrated questions?
Is that you want the other guy wants but you need his intelligence to overcome the problem. This really appeals to very aggressive or egotistical counterparts…
What is the secret to gaining the upper hand in a negotiation?
Is giving the other side the illusion of control. That’s why calibrated questions are ingenious: Calibrated questions make your counterpart feel like they’re in charge, but it’s really you who are framing the conversation. Your counterpart will have no idea how constrained they are by your questions.
