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1

misconceptions about listening

BOOK

2

listening

the process of receiving and responding to others' messages

3

hearing

physiological process of decoding sound
must be able to hear to listen

4

active vs. passive listening

passive
-act as a recorder
active
-feedback to the speaker what they are saying

5

pseudolistening

giving the appearance of being attentive while not being mentally present

6

5 steps of listening process

hearing
attending
understanding
remembering
responding

7

listening styles

people oriented
action-oriented
content-oriented
time-oriented

8

people-oriented

comfortable with and skilled at listening to people's feelings and emotions
empathetic
positives
-develop deeper connection
negatives
-may be empathizing with something that's not good
may be empathizing when they shouldn't

9

action-oriented

preference for well-organized, brief, and error free information
dislikes long stories and hearing people digress
second-guesses about the other person's ideas and assumptions rather than accepting things at face value
positives
-get things done
-good for professional environment
negatives
-appear as untrusting

10

content-oriented

comfortable listening to complex, detailed information
hones in on facts, details, and evidence
good judge of accuracy and credibility of information
positives
-good with accuracy
-good at dealing with a lot of information and keeping it all straight
negative
-can get caught up in details and miss the big picture

11

time-oriented

keenly aware of how much time they have to listen
want messages delivered quickly and briefly
positives
-get a lot done
-efficient with other people's time
negatives
-can come off as uncaring

12

listening barriers

BOOK

13

types of responding

silent listening
questioning
paraphrasing
empathizing
supporting
analyzing
evaluating
advising

14

silent listening

don't respond verbally
stay non-verbally attentive
most under-utilized response
when
-grieving

15

questioning

asking for additional information
reasons
-ground a person in reality
-clarify
-encourage elaboration
-encourage discovery

16

counterfeit questions to avoid

question that traps the speaker
-did you get caught cheating on the test last week
question that makes a statement
-are you off the phone yet
question that carries a hidden agenda
-hey what are you doing Friday... I need help moving

17

paraphrasing

restating the speaker's statement in your own words
demonstrates understanding
can be used to clarify meanings

18

good times to use questioning and paraphrasing

when you don't know what to say or how to respond
when you want them to feel validated
when you don't understand

19

empathizing

used when we want to identify with the other person
we are reflecting back to the other person how they feel
requirements
-socially decenter
-has to be sincere
poor empathizing responses
-denying the other person's feelings
--"it''ll be okay"
--demonstrates that you don't get it
-minimize the importance of the situation

20

supporting

when we reflect back to the person how we feel
examples
-simple agreement - I think you're right
-offer to help
-praise - I think you're doing a great job
-reassurance
key
-it must match what the other person needs

21

times to use empathizing and support

times where nothing can be done to solve the problem
when someone needs comfort

22

analyzing

when you give your interpretation of the message or situation
when
-try and get them to consider different alternatives
guidelines
-always offer analysis in a tentative way
--"maybe"
-make sure the person is going to be receptive to your analysis
-make sure the goal is to help the other person

23

evaluating

when you offer a positive or negative appraisal of something
-"that's a good idea"
when to offer evals
-wait for the other person to ask what you think
-make sure your feedback is constructive

24

advising

telling the other person what they should do next
most overused listening response
when to offer advice
-make sure the other person wants to hear our advice
-consider if the person will follow-accept your advice
-make sure the advice is good
--an opinion is not the same thing as good advice

25

good times to use analysis, evaluation, and advising

when someone is stuck and need help getting out of it
any time someone asks for help

26

which type of listening response to use

best to begin with
-questioning, paraphrasing, empathy, or support
then move to
-advice, evaluation, analysis

27

meanings are in...

people, not words

28

words are...

symbolic - represent something
arbitrary - have no meaning in themselves
context bound
culturally bound
abstract or concrete

29

The Semantic Triangle of Meaning

top - thought
bottom left - symbol (word)
-"dog"
--we picture what we are familiar with
bottom right - referent (thing)
bottom line is dotted - arbitrary
the thought is the only thing that connects the word to the thing
-the exception: onomatopoeia

30

Speech Act Theory

language isn't just a way of standing for something, language is also a way of doing actions
-promising, threatening, requesting, complementing