- When I do something great its because I'm awesome - When I do something bad it's because of everything else around me

LECTURE 11: ENDING RELATIONSHIPS Flashcards by Dani Judal

Attribution

Assessments of the cause of an action or behavior of other people
- Helps us predict what kind of stories we make

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Factors we consider when making assessments

Locus of Control
Stability
Controllability
Intentionality

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Locus of Control (2 types)

External

Internal

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Internal Locus of Control

You are responsible

- The cause of the event rests with the actor

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External Locus of Control

It rests with circumstances around you

- The cause of the event rests with the situation

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3 things you look at to see if it is INTERNALLY or EXTERNALLY locused

Consistency
Distinctiveness
Concensus

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Distinctiveness

Behavior in question different in one situation than another?
Is this particular moment distinct from others

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Consensus

Do others perceive the situation similarly

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You know other people who have had the professor you have currently and they say that the class sucked AGREEING with your opinion. 
What type of consensus is this?

High Consensus

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You have a professor your friends have had in the past and they DISAGREE with your opinion.
What type of consensus is this?

Low Consensus

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When all 3 characteristics are HIGH

likely to attribute the behavior to EXTERNAL causes

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When all 3 characteristics are LOW

Likely to attribute the behavior INTERNALLY

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Stable Attribution

The cause of the event is ALWAYS present

- EX. Being late for a date at 6 because of traffic (rush hour)

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Unstable Attribution

The cause of the event happens over time

- Being late for a date at 2 due to a bad accident (Unpredictable)

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Controllable Attribution

The “actor” cannot affect the cause that influences an event

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Uncontrollable Attribution

The cause of an event is beyond the “actor’s” influence

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Intentional

The “actor” consciously CHOSE the action

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Unintentional

The behavior was accidental

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GOOD excuses consist of…

Unintentional
Unstable
Uncontrollable
External

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BAD excuses consist of…

Intentional
Stable
Controllable
Internal

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Attribution Errors (6)

Fundamental (outward focused)
Self-serving bias (inward focused)
Negativity bias
Positivity Bias
Distress Maintaining Bias
Relationship Enhancing Bias

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Fundamental Attribution Error

Something is negative, it is because you’re a bad person

- Something is positive = external

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Self-Serving Bias

When I do something great its because I’m awesome

- When I do something bad it’s because of everything else around me

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Negativity Bias

Making negative conclusions about the issue/people very quickly

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Positivity Bias

When I need people, tend to see them in a positive light

Distress Maintaining Bias

If in a bad place, more inclined to make negative assessments about behaviors

Relationship Enhancing Bias

If in a good place, seem to be more positive toward behavior - Rose Colored Glasses

Social Exchange Theory

Explains and predicts WHY individuals develop some personal relationships while ending others

People want to ____ benefits and ____ costs

Maximize; Minimize | Minimax principle

Relational Rewards

Anything that you find enjoyable

Examples of Relational Rewards

- Companionship - Trust - Sex - Social Networking - Physical Commodities

Relational Costs

Anything you find unpleasant/can hinder you from achieving a goal

Examples of Relational Costs

- Time required to keep the relationship going - Energy - The inability to be in other relationships - High expectations and you're just not into it

____ - ____ = Outcome

Rewards - Costs = Outcome

When Rewards outweigh the Costs, what is the outcome value?

Positive Outcome Value

When Costs outweigh Rewards, What is the outcome value

Negative Outcome Value

Comparison Level (CL)

What you believe a relationship should be like vs. Reality

Comparison Level of Alternatives

What are the alternatives to staying in a relationship? | "I'm here... so what else can I get from this?"

Outcomes >>> CL = ____

Satisfied | - You're going to be happy! :)

Outcomes <<< CL = ____

Dissatisfied

Outcomes >>> CLalt = ____

Stay in the relationship

Outcomes <<< CLalt = ____

Terminate the relationship

Reasons for Relational Termination (9)

- Infidelity - Incompatibility - Alcohol & Drugs - Growing Apart - Loss of Love - WIthdrawal - Negative Communication - Lack of Openness and Intimacy - Abusive Communication

Infidelity

- aka Cheating | - Number 1 reason for a marriage ending

Incompatibility

Opposites attract but that doesn't mean they will stay together

Alcohol & Drugs: | Not necessarily the actual usage of the alcohol or drugs, but all the things that it leads up to...

Violence Financial Stress Job Instability

Growing Apart

- Atrophy - Lack of relational Maintenance/Effort - Dissimilar Interests

Loss of Love: Chronic dissatisfaction

- Always unhappy | - Nothing balances out

Loss of Love: Temporary Dissatisfaction

Only sometimes hence the temporary

Loss of Love: Relationship Disillusionment

- Noticing Things that you don't like half of the things that this person actually does - Realize you're different in ways you didn't know before

Withdrawal

- Lack of support/listening | - Demand-withdraw conflict patterns

Negative Communication

- Poor conflict management | - Negative emotional expression (Contempt, Sarcasm)

Lack of openness and Intimacy

- lack of: * Emotional Connection * Physical Intimacy * Self-Disclosure

Abusive Communication: Physical

- Intimate terrorism | - Common Couple Violence

Intimate Terrorism

Relationship defined as the presence of violence | Asymmetrical

Common Couple Violence

Event centered | Symmetrical

Abusive Communication: Psychological

- Name calling - Passive aggressiveness - Consistency and level at which it is taken place at

Patterns of Negotiating Commitment (4)

- Linear process - relational decline Upward Relational Progressions - Turbulent relational progressions

Types of Post-Dissolutional Communication

- Positive Communication - Occasional/Circumstantial Communication - Rare, Awkward, or Negative Communication - Absence of Communication - No mention of P-D Communication

Positive Communication (break up)

- Continue to talk to them and have a positive friendship | - Usually leads to getting back together

Occasional/Circumstantial Communication

Periodically run into each other and catch up

Rare, Awkward, or Negative Communication

- The experience where one wants to rekindle the flame but the other does not - No longer able to have a normal conversations with your ex

Absence of Communication

Done caput no longer interact

Impact of PDC

Adjustment Anger TIme

Adjustment Impact

Whether or not they had mentioned the type of communication with your ex

Anger Impact

- How angry are you about the break up? | - The more positive communication correlated with less anger

Time Impact

Couples either stay friends or just broke up and never spoke again

LECTURE 11: ENDING RELATIONSHIPS Flashcards

(67 cards)