Tom Scene Two

Question 1

SYLVIA: I’m not saying a word

Answer 1

Hiya, Greg

Question 2

GREG: Hi, Tom

Answer 2

How’re things going at home?

Question 3

GREG: Fine

Answer 3

Really?

Question 4

GREG: Actually, not so good

Answer 4

Thought so. Think I know why

Question 5

GREG: Sylvia’s why

Answer 5

(Sitting beside him on the bench) No, no. It’s deeper than that. I’ve been reading this book

Question 6

GREG: Another book

Answer 6

This one’s deep, man. It’s all about us

Question 7

GREG: Us?

Answer 7

TOM: It says we’re basically biophilic

Question 8

GREG: (Moving away from him on bench) Hey. Watch it.

Answer 8

TOM: No that’s good, man. People who love dogs are biophiles. They’re lovers of the bios – which is Greek for the processes of nature

Question 9

GREG: Go on

Answer 9

What’s more, the whole thing’s genetic. Did your Dad take you fishing and hiking when you were young?

Question 10

GREG: Actually yes

Answer 10

Did your mother push your stroller through some zoo?

Question 11

GREG: I’m sure. Yes.

Answer 11

See? What they were doing was activating your biophilic gene

Question 12

GREG: I see

Answer 12

We’ve inherited these genes from our caveman days when we had to connect with nature in order to survive in it

Question 13

GREG: AH

Answer 13

And your relationship with Sylvia has reactivated that gene. That’s why you respond to her so strongly. On the other hand, your wife’s biophilic gene has become thoroughly atrophied

Question 14

GREG: That’s true enough

Answer 14

She sees nature as threatening and messy

Question 15

GREG: You got it

Answer 15

That’s why you’re having marital problems. It’s all built in. It’s as if you were straight and she was gay. Or vice versa

Question 16

GREG: (uneasily) I don’t know, Tom…

Answer 16

(Getting up) Look, I’m just giving you a name for what’s going on. Naming the problem helps you deal with it. Actually that’s why my wife and I have decided to split

Question 17

GREG: Oh, I’m sorry

Answer 17

No, no, it’s good. Biophiles need to mate with other biophiles. It’s better for the environment. Bowser and I are hoping to hook up with a Forestry major

Question 18

GREG: Good luck

Answer 18

I’ll lend you the book

Question 19

GREG: (getting up, looking out) Sylvia’s having a ball out there

Answer 19

Life of the party, isn’t she?

Question 20

GREG: she’s been to the beauty parlor again

Answer 20

Or else she’s in heat

Question 21

GREG: NAW

Answer 21

she may be

Question 22

GREG: What makes you think so?

Answer 22

The way she carries her tush (they watch) did you ever get her spayed?

Question 23

GREG: Not yet. I took your advice about waiting (they watch) Is Bowser fixed?

Answer 23

Nope. It’s different

Question 24

GREG: Is it? (they watch)

Answer 24

Call her. See if she’ll come

Question 25

GREG: of course she'll come

Answer 25

Not if she's in heat

Question 26

SYLVIA: I just feel like fucking, that's all

Answer 26

She seems to be asking for it

Question 27

SYLVIA: (to herself) I want to fuckie-fuck-fuck

Answer 27

I think she's definitely in heat

Question 28

GREG: You may be right. She may be in heat

Answer 28

I think she is

Question 29

GREG: What do I do if she is?

Answer 29

Keep her inside

Question 30

GREG: With my WIFE?

Answer 30

Then send her away

Question 31

GREG: my wife?

Answer 31

Sylvia!

Question 32

GREG: I'm not going to send her away

Answer 32

Just for th eduration

Question 33

GREG: out of the question

Answer 33

Then keep her on a leash at all times. and don't bring her into the park. If you let her loose, you're just asking for -- (looks out) uh oh

Question 34

GREG: what?

Answer 34

Where's Bowser?

Question 35

GREG: Where's Sylvia?

Answer 35

(Finally) Look. Over there. Behind that bush (they look)

Question 36

GREG: Shit

Answer 36

I told you!

Question 37

GREG: (starting off) I'll break it up

Answer 37

(Holding him) Too late. they're locked

Question 38

GREG: I don't care. I've got to--

Answer 38

You'd hurt her

Question 39

GREG: but...

Answer 39

Hey, Greg! Think about HER for a change. This is her big moment! What has she done for most of her life? Lie around an apartment. Take an occasional walk at the end of a leash. Give her this, at least. Let her have something to remember (They stand watching)

Question 40

GREG: That bastard

Answer 40

Who? Bowser?

Question 41

GREG: He raped her

Answer 41

Come off it

Question 42

GREG: Bowser raped Sylvia!

Answer 42

She asked for it! She shoved it right in his face!

Question 43

GREG: Listen fella. You're talking about my... dog.

Answer 43

See? see what we're doing? We're thinking of them as people

Question 44

GREG: Right (They watch) Oh Sylvia... Sylvia... Sylvia..

Answer 44

After this, you should have her fixed

Question 45

GREG: And you should have Bowser neutered

Answer 45

Nope. Sorry. It would ruin his personality. There's a major difference between castration and just having your tubes tied, Greg. Think about it

Question 46

GREG: I see. So once again, the woman of this world are being asked to suffer the consequences of male aggression. Oh boy, I'm telling you. I'm learning a lot about life these days

Answer 46

Cool it, Greg

Question 47

GREG: Do these things always take?

Answer 47

Not always

Question 48

GREG: i almost wish it would

Answer 48

Why?

Question 49

GREG: Sylvia'd make a wonderful mother

Answer 49

It's tough having puppies. Particularly in town

Question 50

GREG: I'd be there for her. I'd pitch right in... Why we'd all... together we'd... Why, we'd... (he runs out of steam. Pauses)

Answer 50

You're sick, man

Question 51

GREG: I know it

Answer 51

Get her to the vet. First thingG

Question 52

GREG: (with a sigh) Right

Answer 52

And get yourself to a shrink

Question 53

GREG: Mmmm

Answer 53

(Looks out) Well (watches vicariously) Looks like they're done (checks watch) Hey. It's late... (stretches flexes lights a cigarette) Come on, Bowser! Let's go, Big Guy! Shake a leg, O Studly One! (He goes off proudly, smoking)