4 - Identifying and expressing feelings Flashcards
How can saying to your husband, “I feel like I am living with a wall,” promote a self-fulfilling prophecy in him?
He is likely to perceive criticism and act defensively or shut down, thus prompting to him to act more like a ‘wall.’
In terms of feelings, what is wrong with the statement, “I feel inadequate as a guitar player”?
You are evaluating your ability as a guitar player rather than expressing an actual feeling
What are two different ways you could have a proper feeling statement in regards to “I feel inadequate as a guitar player”?
- “I feel disappointed in myself as a guitar player.”
- “I feel impatient with myself as a guitar player.”
- “I feel frustrated with myself as a guitar player.”
What is a feeling statement for “I feel unimportant to the people with whom I work.”
I feel sad that people don’t come greet me in the mornings.
I feel discouraged that my relationships aren’t stronger at work.
What are some feeling words to replace the phrase “I feel misunderstood.”
Anxious, sad, lonely, disappointed.
I feel sad and disappointed because I wanted you to understand me. I wanted to feel seen and understood.
What’s better than the too general saying, “I feel good about that?”
I feel happy, excited, relieved, or a number of other emotions.
What are three reasons it is important to communicate our feelings?
1 - Our emotions are raw and vulnerable aspects of ourselves. People can see our inner humanity and connect deeply to us.
2 - The more vulnerable we are, the safer they will feel to be vulnerable themselves.
3 - They will soften and hear your needs, thus be more likely to satisfy your needs.
How could this statement be improved? “When you don’t greet me at the door, I feel lonely.”
By adding the need. It has an observation and feeling, but it could be better if you add a need: “because I want to connect with you.”
Why is ‘attacked’ a faux feeling?
Because if I think I can win the fight, I might feel delighted. The feeling could be anything.
Faux feelings, like attacked, betrayed, abandoned, aren’t very productive because…
They keep us in a victim mindset and they convey wrongness to the other person
