Brainscape's Knowledge GenomeTM

Browse over 1 million classes created by top students, professors, publishers, and experts.


See full index

NVC > New > Flashcards

New Flashcards

1
Q

What feelings tell us we are not connected to our needs?

A

Anger, depression, guilt, and shame

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
2
Q

Anger, we are making moralistic judgements about ___________ ___________

A

Somebody else

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
3
Q

Depression, guilt, and shame, we are making moralistic judgements on __________

A

Ourself

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
4
Q

Being passionately alive means being connected to what?

A

Our needs

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
5
Q

Understanding someone’s needs give us the most power with people. Why?

A

Because by us learning to understand and satisfy their needs, they increase their willing giving to us

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
6
Q

Punishment and reward are a power over model rather than a power with model. Why?

A

You’re assuming you know what is the best behaviour for the person and are manipulating someone’s behaviour with pleasure and pain. You’re playing god to know what is best for them.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
7
Q

When people hear our needs (rather than blame, judgement, or criticism), it is natural for people to what?

A

Enjoy giving and helping you meet your needs

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
8
Q

If people hear what, they lose their natural desire to give.

A

Criticism, judgement, blame, or demands

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
9
Q

We all have the same needs. What differs among people are the what?

A

Strategies we use to meet them

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
10
Q

What’s the difference between needing someone to love you and needing love?

A

A specific someone is a strategy to fulfill the general need of love. Which you can fulfill with many different strategies

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
11
Q

Saying what we don’t want isn’t helpful because it doesn’t what?

A

Make it clear what we do want

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
12
Q

Please fulfill my request if it gives you joy. Please do not fulfill if my request if there is what? (3 things)

A
  • There is fear of punishment (anger, guilt, passive aggressiveness, etc)
  • Thought of reward motivating you (You’re doing it so I will like you more)
  • There is guilt, fear, or shame motivating you.
How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
13
Q

What is the only way to tell the difference between a request and a demand?

A

How the person treats you afterward. If you don’t comply, and they get angry, shame you, guilt you, or behave negative toward you (punish you), then it was a demand.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
14
Q

If people can remember past instances of blame or judgement as a result of them not fulfilling your demand, it will be hard for them to __________ that your new request is actually a request.

A

Trust

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
15
Q

What are the only two responses for complying with a demand?

A

Submission or rebellion

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
16
Q

Never hear what a jackal speaking person thinks. Especially about you. Instead try to…

A

Try to see the underlying feeling and need.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
17
Q

Why can we be free of taking people’s attacks, criticism, and judgements personally?

A

Because we know the person uttering them has been indoctrinated in a really bad way of trying to get their needs met.

18
Q

Rather than feel offended when someone says “you’re so selfish” we can respond with compassion because we know what?

A

That it’s really sad that it’s the only way they know how to ask for what they’re seeking—a way that is so unlikely they will get what they want.

19
Q

With giraffe ears, you can’t hear criticisms. You can only hear what?

A

Feelings and needs.

20
Q

Don’t hear thoughts. Use thoughts as a ___________ to see the ___________ that are behind them.

A

Window; needs

21
Q

When you try to guess someone’s feelings and needs, what are you demonstrating to that person?

A

That you value what is alive in them. That they are worthy of being validated and having their needs met.

22
Q

Empathy of another’s feelings and needs can be communicated without words if our attention is focused on their what?

A

Heart/life energy/humanity

23
Q

If your loved one’s need goes consistently unmet, and you decide to start meeting it, but it doesn’t satisfy them, what might be the reason?

A

Because their needs have gone consistently unmet, they might feel like their needs don’t matter to you, so they might have an unmet need of mattering. Worthiness.

24
Q

Someone tells you their need and you don’t know how to respond. What can you do?

A

Give empathy. Connect to their feelings and needs. Show them you’re there with them.

25
Q

How do you find a practical solution and resolution to an argument?

A

When each of you hears each others needs the solution will find you

26
Q

A husband and wife have been fighting for 39 years and can’t see each other’s perspectives. What would you do as a facilitator to help them reach a solution?

A

Help them see each other’s needs. It might take a lot of empathy before they can see behind their enemy images.

27
Q

How do you say no in giraffe?

A

By stating your need that is preventing you from saying yes. I’d love to come to your party but I’m feeling tired and need rest.

28
Q

Anger is a feeling that requires what?

A

Judgement of other people

29
Q

Our inner educator likes to correct us when we’ve “been bad” and often tells us we’ve been a bad person. But there are no bad people. This is societal conditioning. We’re all _________ people doing the best we can with what we’ve got.

A

Innocent

30
Q

What’s a healthy way of saying no that increases the likelihood of everyone’s needs being met?

A

By stating the need behind the no. From there you can enter into a negotiation.

31
Q

Using the NVC formula sounds clunky and unnatural and it puts people off. How do we help with this problem?

A

We teach street giraffe

32
Q

What’s better than saying “I’m sorry I did something bad”?

A

I feel sad that I didn’t show up for you in a way that makes you feel understood.

33
Q

What’s wrong with the word sorry?

A

People just say it, often feeling nothing. Staying a feeling behind a regret is more impactful

34
Q

Someone who’s experienced trauma who is told that the trauma is a stimulus, not a cause, of their pain, might not take that well. How could you help them with that inquiry?

A

How they view the trauma after. Some people withdraw into shame and fear the rest of their lives. Some people stand up and fight for a cause to prevent that happening to others. Same stimulus, different emotional response. We can choose our response. It might take a lot of empathy and healing for us to get to a point where we can reframe it. But it is possible. People can get a place where they are grateful for their suffering because it has given them a purpose to help others. It has given them a level of compassion other people simply don’t have access to.

35
Q

Showing gratitude requires 3 elements. What are they?

A

Observation, feeling, need

36
Q

Why is telling someone they are brilliant a bad way of showing appreciation and what would be a better way?

A

It’s a moralistic judgement. We’re implying that we are the authority on brilliance and that there are brilliant people and non-brilliant people.
It breeds comparison. If I think of people in terms of levels of brilliance then I am going to be comparing myself to others all the time. Which is always a losing game.
- A better way is to tell them a specific way they made your life better. “When you articulated that point so clearly (observation) I really understood it (need) and it made me feel empowered (feeling). I feel like I can finally have an honest conversation with my mom (need). Thank you.”

37
Q

Why is the idea of deserving so toxic?

A

It implies that you have to deserve appreciation. Or that you deserve punishment. That you’re only worthy of love if you’re a “good little boy.” If I behave properly, then I am worthy. If I don’t behave properly, I am unworthy. It’s a key ingredient in a violent way of life.

38
Q

What is the purpose of NVC

A

To live with more love in your life. To live compassionately and deepen our love for ourselves and others.

39
Q

Natural giving is our default state, but instead, we’ve been conditioned to play which game?

A

Who’s right - a game where everybody loses

40
Q

In the game of who’s right, what does the loser deserve?

A

Punishment - you deserve to suffer

41
Q

Moralistic judgements take us out of the body and into our ____________

A

Head

42
Q

What’s a simple way of describing moralistic judgements?

A

Good bad, right wrong, normal abnormal

NVC (12 decks)

Brainscape helps you reach your goals faster, through stronger study habits.
© 2024 Bold Learning Solutions. Terms and Conditions