Chapter 10: Attraction and Intimacy: Liking and Loving Others Flashcards
(41 cards)
1
Q
Need to Belong
A
A motivation to bond with others in relationships that provide ongoing, positive interactions
2
Q
Satisfaction of 3 Human Needs
A
- The need to belong
- The need to feel autonomous
- The need to feel competent
3
Q
Ostracism
A
- Being left out
- Challenges our need to belong
- Not being acknowledged feels worse than bullying
- Once feeling ostracized, people are more likely to lash out at the people they wish to be accepted by
4
Q
Ostracism: Self-defeating behaviors
A
- Those who feel neglected are more likely to participate in antisocial behavior and have less control over bad habits
- Ostracized people show worse brain mechanisms for inhibition of unwanted behavior
5
Q
Ostracism: Social Pain
A
- Ostracized people feel heightened in the brain centers for pain
- Taking a Tylenol can actually help with ostracism pain
- Love is a natural painkiller
6
Q
Friendship & Attraction: Promximity
A
- Functional distance between people
- Promotes liking due to increased interactions
- Most people marry someone who lives, works, or studies near them.
7
Q
Friendship & Attraction: Interaction
A
- People often grow to like those who they often interact with in common spaces
- Interactions play much more of a role in relationships than our personality or “type”
8
Q
Friendship & Attraction: Anticipation of Interaction
A
- When anticipating a relationship with someone that will cause us to interact with them, we pragmatically tend to spin their actions as positive so we can get along with them
9
Q
Friendship & Attraction: Mere-Exposure Effect
A
- When exposed to something repeatedly, even when it has no meaning, we interpret it as better than unfamiliar stimuli
- Stronger when unaware of stimuli
- However, if exposure is incessant, liking will most-likely drop
10
Q
Mere-Exposure Effect: Adaptive Significance
A
- Emotions semi-independent of thinking
- Lesion’s in amygdala impairs emotion, but not thought, vice versa
- Familiarity (even subversive) means assumed safety
- Causes fear of the unfamiliar (prejudice)
- Used by corporations in advertising (brief messages that expose rather than convince)
11
Q
Physical Attractiveness: Dating
A
- Importance to men vs women is debated
- Importance in general is clear (one of the most important factors)
- Becomes less important over time
12
Q
Physical Attractiveness: Matching Phenomenon
A
- People tend to seek those who are similar levels of attractiveness, or who make up for it with some other form of social asset
13
Q
The Physical Attractiveness Stereotype
A
- We assume that attractive people have other socially desirable traits
- As a result, we treat attractive people better because we assume they are better people
- Changing our appearance can have positive effects on how people treat us
14
Q
Physical Attractiveness: First Impressions
A
- In short & novel interactions, physical attractiveness makes more of an impact on judgements
15
Q
Physical Attractiveness: Is the Stereotype Accurate?
A
- Not in most basic personality traits
- However, attractive people are more socially adept, probably because of self-fulfilling prophecies
16
Q
Physical Attractiveness: Who is Attractive?
A
- Beauty standards are cultural
- Attractiveness influences life less in kinship-focused cultures than choice-focused ones
- More ‘average’ features are considered more attractive universally
17
Q
Physical Attractiveness: Evolution
A
- Beauty as biological information (health, youth, fertility)
- Men across cultures preferred features of reproductive capacity
- Women find physical strength attractive but are more likely to desire
18
Q
Physical Attractiveness: Social Comparison
A
- Attraction is not totally hardwired, it also depends on comparison standards
- When around attractive people, we view ourselves as less attractive
19
Q
Physical Attractiveness: Those we Love
A
- The more in love one is, the less likely they are to focus on the attractiveness of others
20
Q
Do Opposites Attract?
A
- We like people who smell different to avoid inbreeding
- Other than that, we mostly prefer similarities
- Complementarity: The “supposed” tendency for 2 people to ‘complete’ one another
21
Q
Similarity VS Complementarity
A
- All people in relationships are more similar to each other than to randoms
- We like people that are similar to us (roommates, strangers, babies, miming, cultures)
- Dissimilarity breeds disliking stronger than similarity breeds liking
22
Q
Liking Who Likes Us
A
- One person’s liking of someone predicts the other person’s liking
- We are more likely to like someone who shows liking for us first
23
Q
Liking Who Likes Us: Attribution
A
- Our reactions to others depend on our attribution of their actions
- INGRATIATION: The use of strategies, such as flattery, to gain someone’s favour
- If we sense ingratiation, the flattery loses its appeal
24
Q
Self-esteem & Attraction
A
- People w/ low self-esteem are more attracted to those who show interest in them
- People like those more who initially dislike them, and then change their opinion
25
Reward Theory of Attraction
The theory that we like those whose behaviour is rewarding to us or whom we associate with rewarding events
26
What is Love: Passionate Love
- A state of intense longing for union - we care a lot about receiving our partner's love
- Sternberg: 3 components (passion, intimacy, commitment)
- Some elements are common to all loving relationships (mutuality, support, enjoying time together)
- Some are distinctive (Passionate-physical, exclusivity, fascination)
27
What is Love: Theory of Passionate Love
- TWO-FACTOR THEORY OF EMOTION: Arousal is independent of our emotions, which depends on the label we put on it
- When we are aroused, we are likely to attribute our arousal to the wrong thing if something else comes up
28
What is Love: Culture & Gender
- Love follows certain social scripts that tell us what lovers do
- Women and men have different responses in relationships and break ups
29
Companionate Love
- Those who we feel love for based on interwoven lives (arranged marriages)
- Arranged marriages are more 'successful' than love marriages - love is based on interwoven lives more than choice
- Passions are likely to cool down, but interwoven lives provide an increased incentive
30
Attachment
- Attachment is biological, we are hardwired to be attached to others
- Babies' first emotion is love
- Parent-child love is also passionate
31
Attachment Styles: Secure Attachment
Rooted in trust and marked by intimacy (70%)
32
Attachment Styles: Avoidant Attachment
Marked by discomfort over, or resistance to, being close to others - an insecure attachment style (20%)
33
Attachment Styles: Anxious Attachment
Marked by anxiety or ambivalence - an insecure attachment style (10%)
34
Attachment Styles: Relationships
A mix of attachment styles can impact relationships - we are always working on getting what we want, and it depends on the partner's attachment style if they give it to us
35
Relationship Equity
Equity: A condition in which the outcomes people receive from a relationship are proportional to what they contribute to it
- P.S. Equitable outcomes needn't always be equal outcomes
36
Long-Term Equity in Relationships
- When one feels like they are not getting as much as they are giving, they will begin keeping a scorecard
- When we feel that we are not being reciprocated, we will be distressed and may lash out
37
Perceived Equity & Satisfaction in Love
- If we perceive inequity, we get stressed, which makes us perceive more inequity
38
Self-Disclosure
- Revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others
- This leads to having 'shared-knowledge' with another, which enables intimacy and trust
39
Self-Disclosure: Disclosure Reciprocity
The tendency for one person's intimacy of self-disclosure to match that of a conversational partner
40
Divorce
People usually stay married if:
- Married after 20
- Grew up in stable homes
- Dated long before marriage
- Well/similarly educated
- Stable income/good job
- Live in small town
- Did not cohabit or conceive before marriage
- Are religious
- Are of similar age, faith, and education
41
Detachment Process
1. Agitated preoccupation w/ last partner
2. Deep sadness
3. Emotional detachment
4. Letting go of old - focus on new
5. Renewed sense of self
