chapter 3 Flashcards
(169 cards)
1
Q
the first step toward a relationship is always the same: …
A
interpersonal attraction
2
Q
T: , the desire to approach someone.
A
interpersonal attraction
3
Q
Feelings of attraction guarantee that a relationship will develop, but they do open the door to the possibility
A
f but , but they do open the door to the possibility
4
Q
we are attracted to others whose presence is rewarding to us what are the 2 types of rewards
A
noticeable direct rewards we obviously receive from our interaction with others, and more subtle indirect benefits of which we’re not always aware and that are merely associated with someone else
5
Q
interest, beauty Witt and approval are examples of what kind of attraction
A
direct
6
Q
the more direct rewards that people provide us, the more attracted we are to them.
A
t
7
Q
e.g. of indirect mild rewards
A
For instance, anything about new acquaintances that resembles us, however tangentially, may make them seem more likable, name thats similar
8
Q
People are disproportionately likely to fall in love with someone who has a name that resembles their own
A
t
9
Q
we’re attracted to someone if he or she is an appealing person
A
this is only part of the story
it also depends on our current needs, goals, and desires, all of which can fluctuate over time and from one situation to the next.
10
Q
the fundamental basis of attraction is …, the extent to which someone is able to help us achieve our present goals
A
instrumentality (rewarding company, those who routinely fulfill several chronic and important desires)
11
Q
why are online relationships less preffered
A
relationships are more rewarding when they involve people who are near one another
12
Q
Only 88 feet separated residents living four doors apart, at opposite ends of the same floor, but they were only … as likely to become friends as were people living in adjacent rooms
A
one-quarter
13
Q
Why does proximity have such influence?
A
- cross paths
2. familiar
14
Q
familiarity breeds contempt
A
f
15
Q
repeated contact with—or … to—someone usually increases our liking for him or her
A
mere exposure
16
Q
taking a class together made it… times more likely that they would message each other
A
140
17
Q
what are the limits of familiarity
A
As we gain information about others, we may find that they are obnoxious, disagreeable, or inept, and increasing exposure to such people may lead us to like them less, not more
18
Q
Proximity can also be disadvantageous when people who have come to know each other online- why
A
When we find out who our online partners actually are—as opposed to who we thought they were—our attraction to them often declines
19
Q
how do men and women lie differently online
A
In particular, men often claim that they’re taller and richer, and women claim that they’re lighter and younger, than they really are (often disappointed when knowledge goes up
20
Q
proximity is great for couples who have been doing long distance
A
the more committed partners are to their relationship, the more they miss each other, and the more they miss each other, the harder they work to express their continued love and regard for each other across the miles=construct idealized images of their partnership that portray it as one that’s worth waiting for so have to confront new routines and things you don’t like about each other
21
Q
… of the long-distance dating partners—and remember, commitment is a key influence on all of this—who get back together break up within 3 months of their reunion
A
one-third
22
Q
the effects of familiarity depend both on …2
A
what we learn about someone else and on the amount of interdependence we are forced to share.
23
Q
and one reason proximity is usually profitable is that it increases the chances that others will be …
A
recognizable to us.
24
Q
how common is it to meet your partner online
A
Online encounters are now the second-most-common way (after meeting through friends) that heterosexual couples get started 1 in 4 they are the most frequent way gays and lesbians find each other
25
why can dating sites be disappointing
1. most users encounter a lot of ambiguous rejection
26
Tinder users tend to have lower levels of satisfaction with their faces and bodies than non-users do- why
the constant rejection leads to self doubt
27
is abundance of choices good for relationship success?
no abundance of choices isn’t necessarily conducive to relationship success become sloppy and less exacting in their choices and less committed
28
... of American marriages now result from meetings of the spouses that occurred online
more than one-third
29
how many marriages arose from dating sites
45 percent of those meetings occur on dating sites; most occur elsewhere
30
are couples who meet online better or worse off
mixed reports
31
can the Internet may be altering the dynamics and outcomes of marriage itself
yes
32
why are so many partnerships doomed by distance
cant enjoy the rewards they offer
is costly
inconvenient
33
when two strangers begin chatting, do they like each other more or less as the convo goes on
they like each other more the more they chat
34
after proximity what is most important
looks
35
we tend to assume that good-looking people are more likable, better people than those who are unattractive
t
36
we assume that attractive people—especially those who share our own ... —have desirable traits that go with their desirable appearances
ethnic background
37
is the beauty is good assumption deliberate
no unconscious
38
what are the negative assumptions we make about good looking people
assume they are promiscuous
39
why do we think attractive people are outgoing and kind
because we’re attracted to them, and we want them to like us in return
40
The bias for beauty may also lead us to confuse beauty with talent. what is the result of this
physically attractive people make more money and are promoted more often than are those with average looks
41
On average, good-looking folks earn $... more during their lifetimes than less lovely people do
230,000
42
how much is beauty in the eye of the beholder
the overwhelming consensus among people about the physical beauty of the strangers they encountered. Our participants clearly shared the same notions of who is and who isn’t pretty.
43
the consensus of who is beautiful disappears when assessing across ethnic groups
f
44
what do babies liking attractive people more tell us
more than social norms
45
what baby features and what womanly ones do people like in women
baby: large eyes, a small nose, a small chin, and full lips
| features with signs of maturity such as prominent cheekbones, narrow cheeks, and a broad smile
46
Male attractiveness is more complex how
Men who have strong jaws and broad foreheads—who look strong and dominant—are usually thought to be handsome
when average male faces are made slightly more feminine and baby-faced through computer imaging, the “feminized” faces—which look warm and friendly—are attractive, too.
47
what influences which man women are attracted to the masculine ir feminine one
influenced by their menstrual cycles; if they are not using hormonal contraception and are cycling naturally, they tend to find rugged, manly features somewhat more appealing when they are fertile, just before they ovulate, but they’re more attracted to youthful boyishness the rest of the month
48
good-looking female faces in have features that are neither too large nor too small
t for men and women
49
gorgeous people have bland, ordinary looks because we love averages
f The images that result from this averaging process are actually rather unusual= all proportionate
50
symmetry is only attractive when paired with being average
f
51
what bodies do men like
Men find women’s shapes most alluring when they are of normal weight, neither too heavy nor too thin, and their waists are noticeably narrower than their hips
52
The most attractive waist-to-hip ratio, or WHR, is a curvy ...percent smaller than the hips
0.7 in which the waist is 30 (universally)
53
what does a slim waist do to a relationship
the slimmer a woman’s waist is, the more often she and her man have sex and the better his erectile function is
54
THIN WOMEN are more attractive than those of normal weight
f
55
what boobs do men like
men like medium-sized breasts more than small breasts—and larger breasts do not make a woman any more attractive
56
a curvy .. waist-to-bust ratio is very appealing
0.75
57
do boobs or WHR matter more to attractiveness
WHR
58
what makes mens boddies attractive
Men’s bodies are most attractive when their waists are only slightly narrower than their hips, with a WHR of 0.9. Broad shoulders and muscles are also attractive; men with higher shoulder-to-hip ratios (around 1.2) and bigger muscles have sex with more women and at earlier ages
59
A man is not all that attractive to women if he is handsome but poor.
t a man’s WHR affects women’s evaluations of him only when he earns a healthy salary
60
A guy who’s short—say, 5’ 4”—can get as many responses on a dating website as a fellow who’s much taller—say, 6’ 1” how
$$$ the shorter man would have to earn $221,000 more each year to be as interesting to women
61
smell matters to whom more
A potential partner’s smell also matters more to women than to men
they prefer the smells of guys who have been eating a healthy diet full of fruits and vegetables to the smells of guys who’ve been consuming a lot of carbohydrates
62
when you don't see the person the smell of an attractive person is the same as that of a less
f Symmetrical, attractive people evidently smell better than asymmetrical, less attractive people do, because strangers prefer the aromas of attractive people to the smells of those who are more plain
63
how do men respond to gay mens smell
heterosexual men don’t much like the smell of gay men, who have aromas that are more attractive to other gay guys than to straight men
64
Women are also more attractive to men when they have longer rather than shorter hair why
because they think that the women are less likely to be engaged or married and more willing to have sex on a first date
65
do women like hairy men
women prefer men with smoother, less hairy chests to those who are more hirsute
66
do women like bald men
and a man seems taller and more dominant with a shaved head than he does with a full head of hair
67
men use a more elaborate vocabulary—that is, bigger words—than they do in ordinary discourse- why
women like smart men
68
there’s a particular power to the color red why
Red has this effect because a woman seems more sexually receptive when she’s wearing red than when she’s not (women wear red to attract men and when fertile)
69
give support for evolutionary explanations for attractiveness
```
babies preferences
universal ideals
symmetry
attractive people reproduce better
women find some things more attractive when ovulating
```
70
what does symmetry tell you about a person
more fertile, healthier, smarter, less sickness
71
Hormones influence waist-to-hip ratios by ...
affecting the distribution of fat on people’s bodies.
72
With their particular mix of estradiol and progesterone, women with WHRs near the attractive norm of 0.7 help them how
get pregnant more easily and tend to enjoy better physical health than do women with fewer curves
73
physical attractiveness matters most to people who live in equatorial regions of the world why
where there are many parasites and pathogens that can endanger good health
74
when women are fertile they are better able to judge whether a guy is gay or straight
t
75
what explains womens different preferences when ovulating
Thus, women are attracted to assertive, cocky men—that is, those who are “more likely to behave like cads than be good dads”—when they are most likely to conceive a child, but they prefer warmer, kinder, less pushy men the rest of the month
76
when they’re fertile for a few days each month, women act more alluringly than they do when they’re infertile
t
77
does women's ovulating influence mens perception of how attractive they are
think they smell better when ovulating
when fertile more attractive to men
men can tell there’s something slightly different and desirable about a woman when she’s about to ovulate
78
Some of the findings I recounted above regarding an ... in women’s preferences and behavior have been questioned by other researchers
ovulatory shift
79
standards of attractiveness are also affected by changing ... 3
economic and cultural conditions
| ethnic groups
80
are slender women always attractive
no only when food is plentiful
81
Black and Latina women in the United States are more accepting of some extra weight than white women are, is this reflected in mens preferences
t and indeed, black and Latino men like heavier women than white men do
82
what looks good depends somewhat on the ...
conditions we inhabit
83
during speed dating Participants are given 3 minutes in which to make their judgments, but they could mostly be made in 3 seconds why
Of all the things people could learn about each other in a few minutes of conversation, the one that matters most is physical attractiveness
84
nothing else about someone is as important at first meeting as his or her looks
t
85
do men and women value looks to the same degree
f men care more all over world even for gays
86
4 years into a marriage, a man’s satisfaction is correlated with his spouse’s ...
attractiveness, but a woman’s contentment is unrelated to her partner’s looks
87
Both sexes even spend more time inspecting the profile photos of women on Facebook than they do examining the pictures posted by men why
Women know that men are judging them by their looks, which may be why 87 percent of the cosmetic surgery performed in the United States in 2015 was done on women
88
how much more do attractive women interact with men
there is actually no correlation overall between a woman’s beauty and the amount of time she spends interacting with men unlike men
89
physical attractiveness has a bigger effect on the social lives of women than men
f men than women
90
physical attractiveness has a bigger effect on the social lives of women than men
f men than women
91
are attractive people happier
Being more popular, attractive people tend to be less lonely, more socially skilled, and a little happier than the rest of us
92
Physical attractiveness may even account for as much as ... percent of the variability in people’s adjustment and well-being over their lifetimes
10
93
disadvantages of being hot
lied to more often
more willing to misrepresent their interests, personalities, and incomes to get close to an attractive person than they are to fabricate an image for a plain partner
94
how did attractive and unattractive people react differently to praise
Attractive men and women trusted the praise more and assumed that it was more sincere when it came from someone who didn’t know they were good-looking.
unattractive people found the praise more compelling when the evaluator did know they were plain
95
We all may want gorgeous partners, but what do we get
but we’re likely to end up paired off with others who are only about as attractive as we are
96
Partners in established romantic relationships tend to have similar levels of physical attractiveness; that is, their looks are well matched :T
matching
97
The more serious and committed a relationship becomes, the less obvious matching usually is
f more
98
when is matching less obvious
more likely to occur—in partners who were platonic friends before a romance developed between them Evidently, matching matters less if people grow close before the issue of relative attractiveness rears its ugly head
99
what formula do we use when we ponder potential partners
```
A Potential
Partner’s Desirability
=
His/Her
Physical Attractiveness
×
His/Her Probability
of Accepting You
```
100
Our expectations regarding the probability of others’ acceptance have much to do with our ...., or overall attractiveness as a reproductive partner
mate value
101
how do we know what our mate value is
our histories of acceptance and rejection from others have taught us what to expect when we approach new potential partners
102
how do people with low SE mate values
people who are shy or who have low self-esteem nervously expect more rejection from others, so they pursue less desirable partners
103
They had two choices: squeeze into a small cubicle next to a very attractive woman, or sit in an adjacent cubicle—alone. how does having 2 Dif movies playing in each cubicle influence it
when only one movie was available, squeezing in next to her entailed some risk of rejection only 25% did when same movie 75% when Dif
104
how well do pickup lines work
a cute or flippant remark may be among the worst things to say.
105
which openers are better than pick up lines
innocuous openers (such as just saying, “Hi” or “How’re you doing?”) and direct lines that honestly communicate your interest (such as “Hi, I’d like to get to know you”
106
Why, then, do people create long lists of flippant pickup lines?
Because they’re men.
107
how do pickup lines fare when used on men
When a woman uses a cute line on a man in a singles bar, it usually works—but that’s because any opening line from a woman works well with a man (any opener works on men)
108
Our judgments of our mate values can vary from ..., as we assess our compatibility—and appeal—to particular partners
one relationship to another
109
But the best acceptance usually comes from potential partners who are selective and choosy and who don’t offer acceptance to everyone why
Those who can afford to say “no” to most people but who are happy to say “yes” to us are the most alluring potential partners of all.
110
does playing hard to get work
Because people like to be liked, pretending to be aloof and only mildly interested in someone is a dumb way to try to attract him or her. Playing hard to get doesn’t work
111
do opposites or likes attract
likes
112
what kind of similarities are attractive
demographics
attitudes and values
personalities (to a lesser degree)
113
People are even more likely than you’d expect to marry someone whose last name begins with the same last letter as their own
t
114
is there any danger of having too much in common
no
115
if you meet someone who is agreeable, conscientious, and emotionally stable, and so are easy and pleasant to live with like you what drives this attraction
those qualities not similarity
116
do individualist or collectivist cultures have more similar personalities with their partners
a country that values group harmony, for instance, the personalities of husbands and wives are typically more similar than those of spouses in the United States, a country that celebrates individualism
117
what leads us to believe opposites attract 6
how much we think we have in common= onlookers see and think opposites attract
may be the person I want to be
discovering dissimilarities can take time
dissimilarity may decrease over time
some types of sim are more important than others
matching is a broad process
Complementarity
118
our perceptions of how much we have in common affect our attraction to each other but less than our actual similarity does
f more than our actual similarity does
119
how does perceived similarity change as we get to know each other
partners still routinely think that they have more in common with each other than they really do
120
the partners aren’t together because their differences are desirable, they’re together because ...
they think they’re not very different, and they’re wrong
121
why do people of Dif ethnicities marry then
The partners tend to be similar in age, education, and attractiveness, and their relationships, like most, are based on common interests and personal compatibility but also more accepting of other cultures tend to live in areas where potential partners of the same race are relatively scarce
122
interracial couples are less satisfied
f operate in same way
123
Newcomb’s (1961) study of developing friendships among men sharing a boardinghouse who did they like most at first
their friendships were influenced mostly by perceived similarity. As the semester progressed, however, the actual similarities the men shared with each other played a larger and larger role in their friendships
124
T: we gain three different broad types of information about our partners as a new relationship develops.
stimulus information
value information
role information
125
what are the 3 types of info in stimulus-value-role theory,
at first based on stimulus information
126
according to stimulus theory at first based on stimulus information what is this info
obvious attributes such as age, sex, and, of course, looks
127
e.g. of info from the value stage
attraction depends on similarity in attitudes and beliefs as we learn whether we like the same kinds of pizzas, movies, and politics
128
role stage info?
when we finally find out if we agree on the basics of parenting, careers, and housecleaning, among other life tasks
129
T: These occur when a quality that initially attracts one person to another gradually becomes one of the most obnoxious, irritating things about that partner
fatal attractions
130
people also admire those who possess skills and talents they wish they had- is this similarity
similarity lies in our attraction to others who are similar to our ideal selves, that is, who exhibit desirable qualities that we want to, but do not yet, possess
131
we may be attracted to those who are actually a little different from us (for now) if they resemble ideal selves what is the best mix of this
those who are similar to us in most dimensions but who fit our attainable ideals in others
132
relationships change your personality
Their personalities don’t change much (Rammstedt et al., 2013), but as time goes by, the members of a couple often come to share more similar attitudes = sim experiences and seeking compatibility
133
what qualities are really important
religion
| housework and gender roles
134
shared beliefs are quite satisfying to a couple when they are ..., but they have little effect—and even disagreement is immaterial—when neither of the partners actively observes a faith. what does this tell us
highly religious (opposites don’t attract, but they also may not matter if no one attaches much importance to them.)
135
husbands and wives with opposite gender roles fare better
f And husbands and wives who are more similar in their gender roles—not less, as a traditional outlook would lead us to expect—are more happily married than those who differ from one another in their styles and skills
136
Another source of confusion arises when people pair off with others who are obviously very different but who nevertheless have a similar mate value—give and e.g.
as may be the case when an old rich guy marries a lovely young woman
137
needed $... more in annual income in order to attract as much attention from women as fine-looking fellows
186,000
138
Indeed, it’s not very romantic, but ...5 all appear to be commodities that people use to attract more desirable partners than they might otherwise entice.
fame, wealth, health, talent, and looks
139
men who marry in their twenties pair off with women who are 2 years younger than they are, on average, but if a man marries in his fifties, he’s likely to seek a wife 15 years younger than he- how does evolution perspective explain this
beauty and youth= fertility
140
why aren't women as concerned about youth
men normally retain their capacity for reproduction as long as they live, resources matter much more to successful offspring
141
women’s preferences for the age of their mates do not change much as they age
t but women don’t start seeking younger men as mates until they (the women) are around 75 years old
142
is all the men youth female resources attraction the result of evolutionary pressures?
Advocates of a cultural perspective argue that women pursue desirable resources through their partners because they are so often denied direct access to political and economic power of their own
143
the more ... a woman is, the lower her desire is for wealth and status in a romantic partner
intelligent
144
the extent to which women care more about a mate’s money is reduced in countries that support and promote female equality
t but still care more than men do
145
... percent of American women say that finding a partner with a steady job is very important to them, only ... percent of American men say the same thing
78
| 46
146
happy to allow the other to take the lead on those tasks at which the other is more talented. Such behavior is said to ... our own, and ...—reactions that provide a good fit to our own—can be attractive
complementarity
147
Most complementary behaviors are actually similar actions; people who are warm and agreeable, for instance, are happiest when they are met with warmth and good humor in return.
???
148
patterns of behavior in others that are genuinely opposite to our own—such as cool aloofness instead of our warmth, or submissive passivity instead of our assertion and self-confidence—are ...
annoying and frustrating
149
if you’re an impulsive person who tends to act without thinking, who should you partner with
you do not want to pair off with a partner who is cautious and planful (why? to keep you out of trouble?); you’ll be happier if you partner with someone who is just as impetuous and reckless as you are
150
a partnership is fulfilling when we desire the same goals and are able to work together to successfully achieve them.so do we want dif?
So, the blend of similarities and differences that form an optimal mix may vary from couple to couple (shared goals)
151
Personal growth and novel activities are also rewarding, what does this do to our liking
so we like people with interests that are different from (but not incompatible with) our own when they introduce us to things we’ll both like
152
Around the world, there are three themes in the criteria with which people evaluate potential mates what are they
warmth and loyalty
attractiveness and vitality
status and resources
153
warmth and loyalty
attractiveness and vitality
status and resources: All of these characteristics are desirable, but they’re not of equal importance, what does it depend on
and their prominence depends on whether we’re seeking a relatively casual, short-term fling or a more committed long-term romance.
154
Men but not women have (relatively low) standards when they’re pursuing short-term flings
f men and women
155
when assessing LT partners what do women want
Prestige and accomplishments become more important than dominance and daring`
156
what are mens LT priorities
Like women, they value warmth and loyalty, but unlike women, they attach more importance to attractiveness and vitality in a long-term partner than to status and resources
157
what matters more to men beauty or warmth
Great beauty is desirable to men, but it’s not as important as high levels of warmth and loyalty are
158
what is a mans and women's first check in a partner
women check resources men check looks
159
Wealth is desirable to women, but it’s not as important as high levels of warmth and loyalty, and .. are in third place
looks
160
how do homosexuals compare
Gays and lesbians behave similarly, wanting the same things that heterosexual men and women do
161
global sample: Internet users ranked ...4 as the top four traits they sought in a relationship partner
intelligence, humor, kindness, and dependability
162
what are the deal breaking traits for men and women 5 `
objectionable traits (such as being untrustworthy, unfeeling, or abusive), ill-health (STDs or alcoholism), and poor hygiene (“smells bad”) at the top of their lists
163
who has more dealbreakers
those with high mate value and women
164
do our preferences for warmth in a partner change over time
grow as we age
165
what is the fundamental basis of attraction
We are attracted to people whose presence is rewarding because they offer us instrumentality, assistance in achieving our goals.
166
Convenience: how does this impact relationships
Proximity Is Rewarding, Distance Is Costly. Relationships with distant partners are ordinarily less satisfying than they would be if the partners were nearby.
167
Standards of beauty also fluctuate with changing ...
economic and cultural conditions.
168
People evaluate potential partners with regard to ...3 in order
(a) warmth and loyalty, (b) attractiveness and vitality, and (c) status and resources
169
Do Opposites Attract?
Opposites do not attract, but they may seem to for several reasons. First, we are attracted to those who we think are like us, and we can be wrong. Then, it takes time for perceived similarity to be replaced by more accurate understanding of the attributes we share with others. People may be attracted to those who are mildly different from themselves but similar to their ideal selves. People also tend to become more similar over time, and some types of similarity are more important than others. Matching is also a broad process; fame, wealth, talent, and looks can all be used to attract others. Finally, we may appreciate behavior from a partner that differs from our own but that complements our actions and helps us to reach our goals.
