H5: Guidelines for Objectives Effectiveness

Question 1

What is the acronym for objectives effectiveness for interpersonal situations? Describe each term.

Answer 1

A way to remember objectives effectiveness skills for interpersonal situations is to remember the acronym “DEAR MAN”:

Question 2

Explain the “Describe” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness.

Answer 2

The “Describe” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness entails:

• Describe the current SITUATION (if necessary).
  
  • Stick to the facts.
  • Tell the person exactly to what you are reacting.

Example: “You told me you would be home by dinner but you didn’t get here until 11.”

Question 3

Explain the “Express” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness.

Answer 3

The “Express” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness entails:

• Express your FEELINGS and OPINIONS about the situation.
• Don’t assume that the other person knows how you feel.
  
  • Example: “When you come home so late, I start worrying about you.”
• Use phrases such as:
  
  • “I want” instead of “You should”
  • “I don’t want” instead of “You shouldn’t”

Question 4

Explain the “Assert” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness.

Answer 4

The “Assert” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness entails:

• Assert yourself by ASKING for what you want or SAYING NO clearly.
• Do not assume that others will figure out what you want.
• Remember that others cannot read your mind.

Example: “I would really like it if you would call me when you are going to be late.”

Question 5

Explain the “Reinforce” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness.

Answer 5

The “Reinforce” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness entails:

• Reinforce (reward) the person ahead of time (so to speak) by explaining the positive effects of getting what you want or need.
• If necessary, also clarify the negative consequences of not getting what you want or need.
  
  • Example: “I would be so relieved, and a lot easier to live with, if you do that.”
• Remember also to reward desired behavior after the fact.

Question 6

Explain the “(Stay) Mindful” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness.

Answer 6

The “(Stay) Mindful” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness entails:

• Keep your focus ON YOUR GOALS.
• Maintain your position.
• Don’t be distracted.
• Don’t get off the topic.
• “Broken Record” technique:
• Ignore Attacks:
• Example: “I would still like a call.”

Question 7

Explain the “Appear Confident” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness.

Answer 7

The “Appear Confident” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness entails:

• Appear EFFECTIVE and competent.
• Use a confident voice tone and physical manner; make good eye contact.
• No stammering, whispering, staring at the floor, retreating.
• No saying, “I’m not sure,” etc.

Question 8

Explain the “Negotiate” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness.

Answer 8

The “Negotiate” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness entails:

• Be willing to GIVE TO GET.
• Offer and ask for other solutions to the problem.
• Reduce your request.
• Say no, but offer to do something else or to solve the problem another way.
• Focus on what will work.
• Example: “How about if you text me when you think you might be late?”
• Turn the tables

Question 9

Explain the “broken record” technique from the “(Stay) Mindful” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness.

Answer 9

The “Broken Record” technique entails:

• Keep asking, saying no, or expressing your opinion over and over and over.
• Just keep replaying the same thing again and again.

Question 10

Explain the “ignore attacks” technique from the “(Stay) “Mindful” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness.

Answer 10

The “Ignore Attacks” technique entails:

• If another person attacks, threatens, or tries to change the subject, ignore the threats, comments, or attempts to divert you.
  
  • Do not respond to attacks.
  • Ignore distractions.
• Just keep making your point.
  
  • Example: “I would still like a call.”

Question 11

Explain the “Turn the Tables” technique from the “Negotiate” term from the “DEAR MAN” acronym for objectives effectiveness.

Answer 11

The “Turn the Tables” technique entails:

• Turn the problem over to the other person.
• Ask for other solutions.
• Example: “What do you think we should do?… I can’t just stop worrying about you [or I’m not willing to].”