Kids Flashcards
(35 cards)
Not “stop hitting your brother”
but “it’s ok to be mad. But what can you do instead of hitting? Take a deep breath? Go run outside?
Not “quit crying about that toy or you won’t get dessert”
but “I know you’re sad about not getting that toy at the store. Can we add it to your birthday list instead.”
Not “quit fighting with your sister over that toy”
but “how does it feel when someone takes your toy without asking? Using kind words feels better, right.”
Not “hurry! get your shoes on. It’s time to go.”
But “it’s time to get shoes on. Do you want to wear the yellow or white socks.”
Not “turn off the Ipad right now or you’re going to bed early”
but “what are you playing? It looks fun. This is the last round then it has to go off. Your brain needs a break from screens.”
One of the primary ways a small child has their need for safety met is through…
their attachment with a parent or caregiver. Their relationship with them is their main lifeline to feeling safe, secure, and protected.
A secure attachment in the first three years builds
the foundation for future relationships and predicts a myriad of positive outcomes, such as a higher ability to cope with stress and lower incidents of behavioral problems later in life to name just a couple.
play holds the key to
a child’s learning, development, and mental health
I was a wonderful parent before I had children. I was an expert on why everyone else was having problems with theirs.
Then I had three of my own.
Direction connection between how kids feel and
how they behave. When kids feel right, they’ll behave right. How do we help them feel right? By accepting their feelings.<br></br>Problem–parents don’t usually accept their children’s feeelings.<br></br>For example: “You don’t really feel that way.” “You’re just saying that because you’re tired.” “There’s no reason to be so upset.” Stead denial of feelings can confuse and enrage kids. Also teaches them not to know what their feelings are–not to trust them.
What finally helped me most was actually putting myself in my children’s shoes. I asked myself, “suppose I were a child who was tired, or hot or bored? And suppose I wanted that all-important grown-up in my life to know what I was feeling…
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When I’m upset or hurting, the last thing I want is to hear…
advice, philosophy, psychology, or the other fellow’s point of view. That kind of talk makes me only feel worse than before. Pity leaves me feeling pitiful; questions put me on the defensive; and most infuriating of all is to hear that I have no reason to feel what I’m feeling.<br></br>But let someone really listen, let someone acknowledge my inner pain and give me a chance to talk more about what’s troubling me, and I begin to feel less upset, less confused, mroe able to cope with my feelings and my problems.
To help with feelings
1) Listen with full attenion.<br></br>2) acknowledge their feeligns with a word “oh”…“mmm”…“I see.”<br></br>3) Give their feelings a name.<br></br>4) Give them their wishes in fantasy.
It’s much easier to tell your trouubles to a parent…
who is really listening. Sometimes a sympathetic silence is all a child needs.
Is hard for a child to think clearly or constructively when someone is…
questioning, blaming, or advising her. There’s a lot to be had from a simpple “oh…mmm…” or “I see.” Words like these, coupled with a caring attitude, are invitations to a child to explore her own thoughts and feelings, and possibly come up with her own solutions.
The child who hears the words for what she is experiencing is…
deeply comforted. Someone has acknowledge their inner experience.
When we urge a child to push a bad feeling away…
–however kindly–the child seems to get only more upset.
More important than any words we use is…
our attitude. If our attitude is not one of compassion, then whatever we say will be experienced by the child as phony or manipulative. It is when our words are infused with our real feelings of empathy that they speak directly to a child’s heart.
When children want something they can’t have, adults usually respnod with logical explanations of why they can’t have it. Often, the harder we explain…
the harder they protest.
Sometimes just having someone understand houw much you want something…
makes reality easier to bear.
Is it important to always empathize with a child?
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<div>No. Many of our conversations with our children consist of casual exchanges. If a child were to say, “Mom, I decided to go to David’s house after school today,” it would seem unnecessary for the parent to reply, “So you made a decision to visit a friend this afternoon.” A simple “Thanks for letting me know” would be sufficient acknowledgment. The time for empathy is when a child wants you to know how he feels.</div>
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<div>t’s much more helpful for an unhappy youngster to hear, “I see something is making you sad,” rather than to be interrogated</div>
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<div>with “What happened?” or “Why do you feel that way?” It’s easier to talk to a grown-up who accepts what you’re feeling rather than one who presses you for explanations.</div>
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<div>The problem with saying “I understand how you feel” is that some children just don’t believe you. They’ll answer, “No, you don’t.” But if you take the trouble to </div>
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<div>be specific (“The first day of school can be scary—so many new things to get used to”), then the child knows you really do understand.</div>
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<div>Suppose I try to identify a feeling and it turns out that I’m wrong. What then? </div>
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<p> No harm done. Your child will quickly set you right.</p>
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