Lecture 3 (theme 2) Flashcards
(12 cards)
What is the historical perspective of being born into intimacy?
- Children were seen as ‘slaves’ of the family and marriage was a kind of contract.
- Violence against your children was a private mater and not criminal.
What is the effect of Adult Relationships on children? What if parents are withdrawn from each other or hostile?
- the relationship of your parents is the child’s first model of intimacy
- Children are very sensitive to this relationship and how safe it is.
- If parents are openly hostile or withdrawn from each other as parents, this creates distress in the child.
What are primary and secondary appraisal by children of the adult relationship? What if the child beliefs his/her behavior stops the conflict?
- Primary appraisal: the child considers if what’s going on is good, bad or neutral. And if you need to do something
- Secondary appraisal: if it is bad: the child considers WHY there is a conflict and what it has done wrong (self-blame)
- If the child’s behavior stops the conflict, they will repeat this behavior. they feel responsible for keeping the intimacy of others.
What are the effects of healthy conflicts and unbalanced conflicts in parents? Is there sensitization or desensitization? how do the children act towards the outside world?
- A healthy conflict is resolved, which is normal in each family and leads to healthy developments
- An unbalanced conflict is unresolved and can result in secondary appraisal like self-blame and depression in the children
- There is sensitization, you become increasingly sensitive to conflicts of the parents.
- To the outside world the children act indifferent, as if they don’t care or nothing is wrong.
What are 3 things you learn from having sibblings? and what are 2 effects on development
- Negotiation and competition
- Playing together
- Sharing attention of parents
The effect:
- You learn theory of mind at an earlier stage.
- you develop social competence to deal with intimate relationships later in life.
What are the 3 differences between peers and siblings? How do peers go with sibling relationships?
- It is voluntary: you pick your friends
- reciprocity: you need to both want to be friends, it needs to go both ways.
- Equal status: you are the same age.
- A strong bond with a peer makes up for a weak sibling relationship, but a strong sibling relationship does not make up for weak friendships.
What are social standing between peers: popular, rejected, controversial, neglected/socially isolated
- Popular: most peers say the like you
- Rejected: most peers say the dislike you
- Controversial: some peers like you and others dislike you
- Neglected/socially isolated: you are neither liked nor disliked, you are overseen.
what are the developmental stages of adults and adolescents?
- Adults: generativity versus stagnation: generative means you give to the generations below you to help them and you are less competitive. (generous). In stagnation you see everything as being wrong.
- Adolescents: intimacy versus isolation.
What are the four types of cohabitation
- Precursor of marriage
- Coresidential daters
- Trial marriage
- substitute marriage
What balance do you need in a secure relationship/attachment?
- A balance between autonomy and intimacy
how do these patterns predict divorce: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling
- criticism: you are very critical of your partner. it is not constructive.
- contempt: you act superior to your partner and mock them. it is disrespectful
- defensiveness: you don’t recognize your faults.
- stonewalling:
how do stress and self-esteem interact at an older age?
- You can increase your self-esteem by trying to find ways to help others.
- This decreases stress.
