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Question 1

[Enter]

Answer 1

Renfield! Renfield!

[Search room]

Where are you Bloomin’ idiot! Where are you this time! I spend my whole life looking for lost loonies. Renfield! Every time the moon is full he disappears. Renfield!

Question 2

Van Helsing
This, you consider this harmless?

Seward
We are keeping a close eye on him.

Van Helsing
Clearly.

Answer 2

[Enter]
Sorry sir! We have been searching for him for the last hour [Cross to Renfield] Come on you! Enough of your games!

Question 3

Seward
That’s enough! Smedgley, take this lunatic back to his cell. And this time, double chain the door!

Answer 3

[Grab Renfield; start to wrestle out]

Question 4

Seward
Damn you! Smedgley get him out of here!

Answer 4

[Grab Renfield; start to shuffle out]

Question 5

Van Helsing
Mr Renfield!

Answer 5

[Bag in face; take away]

Question 6

Van Helsing
Well, Dracula is a very famous name in that part of the world. His ancestor, ‘The Impaler’, is quite famous! But a vampire must rest in the dirt of his home land. So, I do not think it could be our count.

Answer 6

[Enter]

Question 7

Seward
Smedgley? What now?

Answer 7

It’s that Renfield! He has escaped again.

Question 8

Seward
How this time?

Answer 8

Out the window sir. You know it’s a drop of fifty feet to the ground. I don’t know how he does it, Sir? Unless he can fly?

Question 9

Seward
Well, find him, man! And don’t sound the alarm. We don’t want to rile the other patients.

Answer 9

Yes, Sir. Right away, Sir!

Question 10

Van Helsing
Perhaps we should help? I would like to talk to this Renfield.

Answer 10

[Exit]

Question 11

[Miss Finster enters U, closes curtains]

Answer 11

[Enter]

Question 12

Miss Finster
You idiot!

Answer 12

Sorry, Miss! That looney has escaped again. Have you seen him?

Question 13

Miss Finster
Of course not, and I doubt he would hide in here. You know, you’ll be looking for a new job if you can’t keep your loonies locked up.

[Comes down center]

Answer 13

It’s not my fault. See, I hear a noise, like wolves howling, so I run to his cell. And just as I get there, I see his feet going out the window, just like he was going to climb down the wall. He’s not human, that one!

[Finster grabs paper; heads UL]

Here… where are you going?

Question 14

Miss Finster
Miss Mina asked for the evening paper.

Answer 14

[Search room; wind up in fireplace]

Question 15

Miss Finster
Have you found him yet?

Answer 15

No… I haven’t! This job is getting on my nerves.

Question 16

Miss Finster
Your nerves? What about mine? Your loonies are always getting out. Everyone getting their blood drained for Miss Mina. The place stinks of garlic! And now you’re telling me Renfield is crawling down the walls like a big bat?

Answer 16

Funny you should mention bats. Just as I go to grab Renfield’s feet, this big bat flies up and hits me square in the face.

Question 17

Miss Finster
You’re getting daffier than your patients, you are!

Answer 17

It’s true, Miss! If I don’t get him back in his cell, I’ll be out of a job. I mean, he’s wacko alright, but he has always been harmless. Well, at least until now.

Question 18

Miss Finster
Wouldn’t hurt a fly, huh?

Answer 18

No, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He would rather eat them than a four course meal. And you should see what he does with spiders and sparrows.

Question 19

Miss Finster
Well, you’d better find him or they will be locking you up next.

[Sits on couch]

Answer 19

Don’t worry, Miss. It’s a long drop to the ground from that window, and besides, no-one will bother you with me around [moves closer] SO! Do you ever get lonely here all by yourself? Or maybe, on your night off, if you go walking alone in the moonlight. Maybe you would like to have an escort, that is. On your night off, I mean. [slides closer]

Question 20

Miss Finster
I wouldn’t let you walk with me in that uniform. People would think I’m one of your loonies!

Answer 20

What if I change?

Question 21

Miss Finster
You don’t waste any time, do you?

Answer 21

I’ve had me eye on you, lovie! [try for kiss]

Question 22

Miss Finster
Buzz off! You better keep your eyes on your loonies, and not me!

Answer 22

[Rise; talk to pocket]

Come on, Hubert, we know when we are not wanted.

Question 23

Miss Finster
Here, who are you talking to now?

Answer 23

[Cross back]

Oh, I’m just talking to Hubert… my pet rat!

[Pull rat out of pocket, dangle in her face. She runs away. Chase until center]

Come on, Hubert. some people have no sense of humor!

[Exit]

Question 24

Renfield
… You are in his power now! His power!!

[Laugh histerically]

*Seward* Smedgley, get him out of here.

Answer 24

[Drag Renfield out with others]

Question 25

*Elinor* All is done, Ludvig. *Van Helsing* Good, now…

Answer 25

[Enter, followed by Rostov]

Question 26

*Seward* What now, Smedgley?

Answer 26

It’s that Renfield, Sir. He’s escaped again!

Question 27

*Seward* This is preposterous, Smedgley! I told you to put him in maximum security!

Answer 27

I did, Sir! Just as you said. But when I looked in on him, I found the wall had been smashed in. Like a cannon ball went through it, Sir!

Question 28

*Van Helsing* Yes, it might just come to that. Your are not to leave the room, and do not remove those articles from her neck. We will return shortly. *Miss Finster* Yes, Sir.

Answer 28

[Exit]

Question 29

*Elinor* … the foundations of the asylum were part of the Abbey Grange. *Van Helsing* We must have a plan. If we cannot find his last box —

Answer 29

[Enter]

Question 30

*Seward* Not again, Smedgley!!

Answer 30

What? Oh, no, Sir. I just wanted to report that Renfield is snug as a bug in solitary. Sleeping like a cute, filthy baby, Sir.

Question 31

*Seward* Excellent, Smedgley! Now keep him that way. I don’t care if you have to drug him or chain him to the walls.

Answer 31

Yes, Sir!

Question 32

*Van Helsing* Actually, Mr Smedgley, I would like for you to arrange for Renfield to be able to escape. Preferably sometime after midnight.

Answer 32

What, Sir? Did you say let him escape?

Question 33

*Seward* Are you sure this is a wise plan, Professor? *Van Helsing* No. It’s not a good plan. It’s a last ditch effort! We must find the last earth box before dusk.

Answer 33

[look crestfallen] Sir, I’m sorry, Sir, but I can’t! I just can’t do this any more! Looneys crawling down walls! People drained of blood! Vampires!! I’m sorry, Sir. I’m just a poor hospital attendant. I’m no scientist or professor of the… whatever it is. I just don’t think I can do this any more, Sir. So this is my resignation, Sir. I’ll be leaving before dark!

Question 34

*Seward* Smedgley, please you cannot leave now. Not when we need you the most. Think of Miss Mina!

Answer 34

I know, Sir. I’m sorry, Sir.

Question 35

*Elinor* Think of poor Miss Finster!

Answer 35

Miss Finster? What happened to her?

Question 36

*Elinor* It would appear that Dracula put her under his spell, as well. *Seward* You see, Smedgley. We all need you now more than ever.

Answer 36

Blimey! [Thinks] You know, my great, great, great, great, great grandfather fought at the Battle of Bosworth Field. He was an archer! Faced down hundreds of French knights on horseback. And my great, great, great Grandfather, George Smedgley, fought with Nelson at the Battle of Trafalgar against an overwhelming French force. So, I suppose I can face Looney and some evil Count.

Question 37

*Seward* That’s the English fighting spirit, Smedgley. Good man!!

Answer 37

Yes, Sir. [go to leave] Is the Count French, Sir?

Question 38

*Seward* Transylvanian!

Answer 38

Oh, well. Same difference, right Sir? [Go to leave; turn back] You will let Miss Finster know how brave I’ve been? Won’t you, Sir?

Question 39

*Elinor* I’ll be sure to put in a good word for you, Smedgley. Woman to woman. [Gives British salute]

Answer 39

Yes, Ma’am. Thank you, Ma’am. [Salute and exit]

Question 40

*Elinor* I’ve just checked all of warding around the house. There is no way in, except for that door. If Dracula means to attack, he must enter there. *Van Helsing* Good.

Answer 40

[Enter with Applebee and and Smedgley]

Question 41

[Dracula enters through window] *Dracula* Renfield! You sniveling fool! You have betrayed me. You have tried to turn my new queen against me. Nobody betrays the master and lives! [Grab Renfield by the neck]

Answer 41

[All enter]

Question 42

*Dracula* Twenty minutes? Might as well be twenty years! Do you think you have any hope to hold me here? I am the king of my kind! You could not hold me here for twenty seconds if I did not choose. You fools, with your garlic and crucifixes. Do you truly believe that I fear any of your toys? Look. [Raises hand; Smedgley’s cross bursts into flames]

Answer 42

Whoa!

Question 43

*Dracula* Ah, Mister Smedgley. Thank you for taking such good care of my pet, Renfield. For your good service, I will let you leave this place. To live another day.

Answer 43

Well… well, thank you, Sir. But, you see I made this promise, and well, there is this matter of Miss Finster.

Question 44

[Dracula starts to put whammy on Smedgley] *Dracula* Leave now, Smedgley, and no harm will come to you. … *Elinor* [Shoots Dracula] Hey! *Dracula* Let this sight torture you to your death.

Answer 44

[Grabbed; tear face off]

Question 45

*Van Helsing* He has shown us the way. Come quickly, we have no time to lose! *Elinor* I will get the weapon and follow behind.

Answer 45

[All exit] [Get up from behind couch covered in blood] [Stagger to stairs and exit right]

Question 46

*Harker* Yes, Professor. [Harker and Applebee take Mina and Miss Finster off] *Van Helsing* The first thing we must do is burn his body. That is the only sure way to…

Answer 46

[Enter with Lucy, Renfield and children] [Approach the gang, so there are two lines]