Week 12 - Relationships & Attraction Flashcards
(24 cards)
The Need To Belong
Harlow’s monkeys hint at the core and universal Need to Belong.
- Relationships fulfill such needs!
Relationships provide support that help people survive and thrive
- Parent-child attachments help keep babies safe
- Friendships help non-family members cooperate
- Mortality rates higher among divorced, unmarried, & widowed
- Social support strengthens cardiovascular, immune, and endocrine system functions.
- Relationships also shape our self and social identity!
How Do We Relate To Others?
Exchange Relationships:
Interactions based on equity and reciprocity
- Input-to-output ratio should at least be equal
- Tend to be short-term (E.g., business relations)
Communal Relationships:
Interactions based on the principle of need
- Input-to-output ratio does not have to be equal
- Tend to be long-term (e.g., family, close friends)
Exchange Relationships
Social Exchange Theory: People tend to seek out interactions that have more rewards than costs, or have the smallest amount of “excess cost” possible.
Social Exchange Theory - How do people evaluate costs vs. rewards?
(1) Making comparisons
- Comparison level: Outcomes people think they deserve from a given (usually current) relationship
- Comparison level for alternatives: Outcomes people think they can get from other relationships
(2) Equity Theory: People are motivated to pursue fairness in relationships, so rewards and costs are shared roughly equally.
- An “unfair” relationship is not rewarding, and you may not be able to respect or enjoy that person’s company.
Attachment Theory
Infants must develop a relationship with at least one caregiver for social/emotional development to occur normally
Attachment Theory: Theory about how our early attachments with our parents shape our relationships for the rest of our lives
Attachment Styles serve as a working model or schema for how others tend to treat you in relationships
- Expectations about relationship partner’s availability, warmth, and security
- Applies to current and future relationships
Adult Attachment
Infant styles provide working models for our relationships as adults
Adult Attachment
Secure: (Infant - Generally trusting)
- Comfortable with intimacy
- Want to be close to others during threat/uncertainty
Anxious/Ambivalent: (Infant - Generally fearful, angry, distraught)
- Constantly expresses worries about relationships
- Seeks closeness excessively, especially during threat/uncertainty
Avoidant: (Generally aloof, dismissive)
- Uncomfortable with intimacy; prefers distance
- Dismissive and detached during threat/uncertainty
Types or Dimensions?
High Avoidance
|
Avoidant (dismissive) | Avoidant
Attachment | (fearful) Attachment
|
|
|
Low Anxiety——————————————High Anxiety
|
Secure | Anxious-ambivalent
Attachment | Attachment
|
|
Low Avoidance
The “Ideal” Attachment Style
Relationships are two-way: Everyone can be secure/anxious/avoidant, depending on whether your partner “brings out” the best (or worst) in you
Attraction: Three Variables
Proximity
Similarity
Physical Attractiveness
Proximity
Physical Proximity: You become friends with people who are physically close to you (e.g., classes, clubs and organizations…)
Proximity & Friendships
The effect of proximity is actually largest for friendships between different races, ages, and social classes!
People don’t automatically look out for dissimilar people.
As a result, “diverse” friendships tend to happen when people of different races/ages/classes are easy to run into, i.e., when they are physically close!
Why Does Proximity Lead to Friendship?
Proximity is the strongest predictor of whether people will become (and remain) friends or romantic partners!
- More likely that you’ll run into each other
- Expectation of frequent interaction with a person motivates you to ensure mutual liking
- Mere Exposure Effect: The more you’re exposed to something, the more you like it
- Likely due to fluency (i.e., ease of processing).
Does Similarity or Dissimilarity Predict Attraction?
Married couples tend to be more similar on core personality characteristics (like extraversion or genuineness)
Interracial couples tend to be more similar in personality than same-race couples…
- Due to their differences in race, they seek out greater similarity on others areas
Similarity
The belief that “opposites attract” is not strongly supported by research
If two people have complementary personality traits, they might work well together
E.g., a dependent person with a nurturer
However, they still need similarity in other areas to be compatible, like personality traits, interests/hobbies, or backgrounds.
Physical Attractiveness
Halo Effect: The belief that attractive people have a host of positive qualities that extend beyond physical appearance
The halo effect may be due to self-fulfilling prophecies:
- We expect attractive people to have desirable traits, so we behave more positively toward them, to which they respond favorably, confirming our original positive expectation.
Halo effect also extends to cultural stereotypes:
- In independent cultures, attractive people seen as more dominant and assertive
- In interdependent cultures, attractive people seen as more empathic, generous and sensitive
Are Perceptions of Attractiveness Universal?
Evolutionary perspective: We prefer people whose physical features signal reproductive fitness—the capacity to pass one’s genes to subsequent generations.
- Bilateral symmetry
- Averageness
What is Love?
Types of Love:
Companionate love: With friends, family, people you trust and share experiences with
Compassionate love: Communal relationships focused on monitoring and responding to another person’s needs (e.g., mother caring for her child)
Passionate/romantic love: Relationship with intense emotion and sexual desire
Why Do Some Relationships Last But Not Others?
Key to a committed relationship!
- Satisfaction: You get out as much as (or slightly more than) you put in
- Alternative partners: There are no high quality alternatives
- Investments: Having put in a lot of time, effort, care, having shared memories, friends and possessions
Why does commitment matter?
- Commitment encourages behaviors that are good for the relationship (e.g., forgiveness)
- Commitment is linked to greater self-sacrifice (e.g., moving to a city you dislike because of your partner’s job, giving up meat for a vegan spouse)
4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Four behaviors that can be used to predict divorce:
- Contempt
- Expressing disdain or scorn - Criticism
- Expressing negative evaluations, being overly critical - Defensiveness
- Trying to “play the victim” and not accepting responsibility for your part - Stonewalling
- Withdrawing from the conflict; ignoring and/or avoiding the issue
The number 1 predictive factor for divorce is contempt
Relationship Deal-Breakers
Presence of negative affect predicted early divorce
- Blame and negative attributions for partner’s behavior
- Partners in unsatisfying relationships are more likely to make attributions that cast the other partner in a negative light.
However, an absence of positive affect predicted later divorce
- A long-lasting relationship is not just about having little conflict and negative emotions
- Even without the negative things, a lack positive moments may not bring you a long-lasting relationship
Implicit Beliefs about Relationships
Destiny Beliefs
- Somewhere out there…there is a perfect match for me
Growth Beliefs
- There is no such thing as a perfect match… relationships are about adapting and growing together.
Couples with growth beliefs tend to report better relationship coping, higher sexual satisfaction and higher relationship satisfaction than those with destiny beliefs
- Destiny beliefs: More likely to accept things as they are and less likely to put effort into making things work
