Flashcards in WILLPOWER INSTINCT Deck (118):
What do neuroscientists call the reward system?
The brains most primitive motivational system. One that was evolved to propel us toward action and consumption.
How does the reward system compel us to act?
When the brain recognizes an opportunity for reward it releases a neurotransmitter called dopamine. Dopamine tells the rest of the brain what to pay attention to and what to get our greedy little hands on.
What triggers the reward system?
Anything we think is going to make us feel good. The flood of dopamine marks this new object of desire as critical to your survival
What is my dopamine trigger?
What happens to your brain when you get hooked by the promise of reward?
When dopamine sends out our brains on a reward seeking mission, we become the most risk taking, impulsive and out of control version of ourselves.
Even if the reward never arrives, the promise of the reward -- combined with a growing sense of anxiety when we think about stopping -- is enough to keep us hooked.
We have two minds, what is the willpower challenge?
Every willpower challenge is a conflict between two parts of ourselves.
Part of me wants one thing, and another part of me wants something else. Or my present self wants one thing, but my future self would be better off if I did something else.
Willpower challenge: describe my competing minds.
My impulsive version wants immediate gratification from whatever is at hand. I call it "THE COOKIE MONSTER". My impulsive mind also seeks distractions to avoid engaging an activity that I need to do to advance my goals and live my core values. I call it "THE PROCRASTINATOR ".
My WISER SELF wants a future reward that furthers my Goals and is faithful to, and aligned with, my Core Values.
What is the first rule of Willpower?
Know Thyself. I possess Self Awareness: the ability to realize what I am doing while I am doing it, and understand why I am doing it. I can also predict what I'm likely to do before I do it, giving myself ample opportunity to reconsider
What happens with my choices when my mind is preoccupied by something else?
My impulses, not my goals, will guide my choices.
What first thing do I need to have more self control ?
I need to develop more self awareness.
A good first step is to notice when I am making choices related to my willpower challenge.
Exercise #1. Develop self awareness.
For at least one day track my choices. At the end of the day try to analyze when decisions were made that either supported or undermined my goals.
Trying to keep track of my choices will also reduce the number of decisions I make while distracted - a guaranteed way to boost my willpower.
What willpower training techniques can I do to increase my brain's self control capacity?
Meditate. When I ask my brain to meditate, it gets better not just at meditating, but at a wide range of self-control skills, including attention, focus, stress management, impulse control, and self-awareness.
Over time my meditators brain becomes a finely tuned willpower machine.
What is a powerful five minute brain training exercise?
For any "I will" and "I want" challenge, a five minute meditation is a powerful brain-training exercise for boosting my willpower.
What is Willpower?
Willpower is actually three powers-I will, I won't, and I want- that help me be a better version of myself.
What is the "harder thing"?
Every willpower challenge requires doing something difficult, whether it's walking away from temptation or not running away from a stressful situation.
I have the capacity to do the harder thing. It's harder because I also have the desire to do exactly the opposite. Two minds.
Alcohol, sleep deprivation and distraction hinder willpower. Why?
Because these things inhibit my brain's frontal cortex, my willpower center, just like brain damage to my cortex.
What was my body doing?
Self control is a matter of physiology, not just psychology. It's a temporary state of both mind and body that gives me the strength and calm to override my impulses.
How do I know when I've met a real willpower challenge?
I feel it in my Body. It's a battle between my impulsive self and my Wise Self.
What happens biologically when my brain craves a junk food?
At the sight, or smell or thought, of the junk, my brain launches dopamine into my reward center that controls my attention, motivation, and action.
At the same time my blood sugar drops because my brain releases a neurochemical that tells my body to pull the blood sugar out of my bloodstream to make room for the coming blast of sugar and fat.
The drop in blood sugar makes me feel shaky and crabby making me crave the junk even more.
The craving comes from inside, not outside. Identify the inner impulse that needs to be restrained.
What is the thought or feeling that makes me want to do whatever it is I don't want to do?
When I am tempted turn my attention inward.
Self control has a biological signature. What is it?
The need for self control sets in motion a coordinated set of changes in the brain and body that help you resist temptation and override destructive urges. The Pause and Plan Response.
What is the pause and plan response ?
The perception of an internal conflict triggers changes in the brain and body that help me slow down and control my impulses.
What does my pause and plan response do?
My pause and plan response detects warning signs, in the form of emotions, thoughts, and sensations, that I am about to do something I will regret.
When I recognize the warning my prefrontal cortex jumps into action to make the right choice.
To help my prefrontal cortex, my pause and plan response redirects energy from my body to my brain.
My prefrontal cortex communicates the need for self control to lower brain regions that regulate my heart rate, blood pressure, breathing, and other automatic functions.
Where does the pause and plan response take me?
In the opposite direction of the fight or flight response.
My heart slows down, my blood pressure stays normal, instead of hyperventilating I take a deep breath.
What is the main benefit the pause and plan response gives me?
The pause and plan response gives me Time for more flexible, thoughtful action by keeping me from immediately following my impulses.
What is the very best measurement of my pause and plan response?
Heart rate variability. When I'm under stress my heart rate speeds up and variability goes down.
When I successfully exert self control my heart rate slows down and variability goes up. This gives me a sense of focus and calm.
How do I achieve focus and calm?
Exercise self control with the pause and plan response which increases my heart rate variability.
What do physiologists call heart rate variability?
The body's "reserve" of willpower- a physiological measure of my capacity for self control. If I have high heart rate variability, I have more willpower available for whenever temptation strikes.
What is one of the easiest, most effective ways to increase heart rate variability, the biological basis of willpower and thus increase my willpower reserve?
What activities improve my body's willpower reserve, my heart rate variability?
Exercise, good nights sleep, eat better, spend quality time with friends and family, participate in a religious or spiritual practice, and, one of the best- meditate
How can I immediately boost my willpower?
Slow my breathing down to 4-6 breaths per minute for a few minutes.
How does Slow Breathing boost my willpower?
It activates my prefrontal cortex and increases my heart rate variability, which helps shift the brain and body from a state of stress to self control.
A few minutes if this technique will make me feel calm, in control, and capable of handling cravings or challenges.
It only takes 1-2 minutes slow breathing to boost my willpower reserve- heart rate variability.
What practice has been shown to reduce cravings and depression among adults recovering from substance abuse and PTSD?
A 20min daily practice of slow breathing.
What practice has helped reduce stress and increase self control of cops, stock traders and customer service operators?
Heart rate variability training programs, including slow breathing.
What two self control strategies give me the biggest bang for my buck?
First-EXERCISE: willpower benefits are immediate; relieves stress, powerful antidepressant, increases heart rate variability, trains my brain.
Second-SLEEP:a good nights sleep. For better willpower go y sleep. A short nap can recharge your willpower.
What is the Five Minute Green Willpower Fill-up?
Five minute outdoor exercise. Shorter bursts have a more powerful on my mood than longer workouts.
How do I recover from stress and my daily self control demands?
One of the best ways to recover from stress and the daily self-control demands of my life is relaxation. Relaxing – even for just a few minutes – increases heart rate variability by activating the parasympathetic nervous system and quieting the sympathetic nervous system.
What kind of relaxation do I want?
The kind of relaxation I want is the physiological relaxation response taught by Harvard cardiologist Herbert Benson. Tighten then relax tense muscles.
Why do I need to find my "I want power"?
My biggest "want" power is the motivation that gives me strength when I feel weak and I need to bring it to mind whenever I am most tempted to give in or give up.
How do I exercise my self control muscle?
Pick one thing to do, "I will power" (or not do, "I won't power")
Eg meditation for five minutes a day or not swearing.
What happens when I frame willpower challenges in moral terms, ie, I was "good" or I was "bad" or I was "right" or I was "wrong"?
If I give myself credit for being "good" I am likely to allow myself a "reward" or I might give in to the next vice that pops up because I earned it.
I want to think of my goals and values and identify with them, not the " Halo" glow from being " good".
Do not borrow credit from tomorrow.
Do not tell myself I will make up for today's cheating tomorrow. I probably won't.
The "halo effect" is justifying a vice because of one virtuous aspect. Eg gluten-free, fat free, sugar free, discount saving, big sale, etc.
Do not justify a vice because of one virtuous aspect.
"License to cheat". What should I do when I find myself using my past "good" behavior to justify indulging.
I should pause and think about why I was "good" ie what is my goal, not whether I deserve a self defeating " reward"
What is the dopamine lie?
My brain mistakes the promise of reward for a guarantee of happiness, so i chase satisfaction from things that do not deliver, eg, pigging out.
What does the dopamine "want" trigger besides wanting?
The dopamine "want" triggers stress and anxiety caused by fear of stopping trying to get what I want or not getting what I want.
How do I dopaminize my "I will" power challenge?
If there is something I have been putting off, motivate myself by linking it with something that gets my dopamine neurons firing.
How do I test the promise of reward to discover that the reward doesn't make me happy and never seems to satisfy?
Mindfully indulge in something my brain tells me will make me happy but never seems to satisfy. Does reality match the brains promises?
When I am feeling down what am I liable to do to feel better?
I might turn to the promise of reward if I am not mindful and self-aware of what I am doing.
What effect does stress, anxiety, and guilt have on my self-control?
Feeling bad leads to giving in and seeking relief from the promise of reward.
How do I avoid stress – induced willpower failures?
I need to find a way to feel better that doesn't require turning to temptation; such as, deep breathing, meditation, reading, exercise, spending time with friends and family, etc.
What do self – control strategies – like guilt and self-criticism – actually do to me?
Guilt and self – criticism only make me feel worse.
Why does stress lead to cravings?
Stress leads to cravings because it's part of my brain's rescue mission. My brain isn't just motivated to protect my life – it wants to protect my mood, too. So whenever I am under stress, my brain is going to point me towards something it thinks will make me happy.
What happens when stress shifts my brain into a reward – seeking state?
I end up craving whatever substance or activity my brain associates with the "promise" of reward and I become convinced that the "reward" is the only way to feel better.
Where does stress point me?
Stress points me in the wrong direction, away from my clear – headed wisdom and toward my least helpful instincts. That's the power of the one – two punch of stress and dopamine: I'm going back again and again to coping strategies that don't work, but that my primitive brain persistently believes are the gateway to bliss.
How do the promise of reward combined with the promise of relief lead me to all sorts of illogical behavior?
Example: binge – heaters who feel ashamed of their weight and lack of control around food turn to – what else? – more food to fix their feelings. Procrastinators who are stressed out about how behind they are on a project will put it off even longer to avoid having to think about it. In each of these cases, the goal to feel better trumps the goal of self-control.
What is "terror management"?
Mayhem on the news, scare tactics or warnings that I am exposed to that trigger cravings for comfort.
How do I deal with my terror management system?
Recognize the fear, the existential fear, that is motivating me to the reward or comfort seeking behavior. The motivations I understand are easier to change then the motivations I do not see.
How can I reduce my terror management behavior?
Cut out mindless consumption of TV news, talk radio, magazines, or websites that profit from my fear.
The "what – the – hell effect" is one of the biggest threats to willpower worldwide: why?
The "what – the – hell" effect is when giving in to a temptation makes me feel bad about myself which motivates me to do something to feel better. What's the cheapest fastest strategy for feeling better? Often the very thing I feel bad about.
Are guilt and self criticism, being harder on myself, the key to greater willpower?
Guilt and self criticism are never the key to greater willpower. Self criticism is one of the single biggest predictors of depression, which drains both I willpower and I want power.
What behavior toward myself is associated with more motivation and better self-control?
Self – care and forgiveness.
Why is it that it is forgiveness, not guilt, that increases accountability for lapses?
Taking a self – compassionate point of view on a personal failure makes me more likely to take personal responsibility for the failure then when I take a self – critical point of view. I'm also more willing to receive feedback and advice from others, and more likely to learn from the experience.
What is one reason that forgiveness helped me recover from mistakes?
Forgiveness takes away the shame and blame of thinking about what happened. The what – the – hell effect is an attempt to escape the bad feelings that follow a setback. Without the guilt and self-criticism, there's nothing to escape. This means it's easier to reflect on how the failure happened, and less tempting to repeat it.
How does self criticism backfire as a strategy for self – control?
Like other forms of stress, it drives me straight to comfort coping, whether that's drowning my sorrows in booze, or lifting my spirits with a Visa – sponsored shopping spree or more particularly in my case eating high caloric high carb snack foods or too much of any food.
What are three perspectives to keep in mind to help me avoid a downward spiral of guilt, shame, and giving in again?
1. What am I feeling? Explore my feelings about a failure. This perspective allows me to see what I am feeling without rushing to escape.
2. I'm only human. Everyone struggles with willpower challenges and sometimes loses control. A setback does not mean there is something wrong with me. This perspective can soften the usual voice of self-criticism and self-doubt.
3. What would I say to a friend? How would I comfort a close friend who experienced the same setback. This informs how I treat myself to move forward.
What is "delay discounting"?
The longer we have to wait for a reward the less value it has to us.
Perspective will point the way to getting back on track.
How do I discount future rewards?
The longer I have to wait for a reward the less it is worth to me. I deprive myself of what I really want for the fleeting satisfaction of a quick fix.
What future rewards do I put on sale each time I give in to temptation or procrastination?
What is the "immediate" payoff of giving in? Is this a fair trade? If the rational me says "no, it's a lousy deal", try to catch the moment I reverse my preferences. What am I thinking or feeling that let's me put my future on sale?
What is bounded willpower?
I will be perfectly rational when everything is in theory, but when the temptation is real, my brain shifts into reward seeking mode to make sure I don't miss out.
How can I shift back the balance of power from the pull of immediate gratification to my brain's system of self control?
By putting distance between me and the temptation. Eg by putting the temptation out of sight or instituting a 10 minute delay rule, ie commit to wait 10 minutes before succumbing to the temptation.
What is the 10 minute rule?
Waiting 10 minutes before surrendering to a craving changes the way my brain processes a reward. It changes from an immediate gratification reward to a future reward. Future rewards exert less compulsion than immediate gratification.
How can I use the 10 minute rule to apply to " I will" power?
By flipping the rule to "do 10 minutes and then you can quit".
How big is my "discount rate"? Ie how much do I discount my future reward(goal) against immediate gratification?
The higher my discount rate the more susceptible I am to self control problems. I have a high discount rate and was operating under the theory that the present is more important than the future so there was no reason to delay gratification.
My discount rate can be lowered by changing how I think about my choices.
Because I am loss averse if I think first about my larger future reward and then consider trading it off for the smaller immediate reward, it registers as a loss and my loss aversion bias throws it's weight against the trade off. The key is that whichever reward I think about first has the most traction in the tug of war because I will think of more reasons to support the reward I think about first.
How can I dramatically drop my future reward discount rate?
I can drop my future reward discount rate dramatically by thinking about my future reward first.
What are the 3 steps to resist temptation by slashing my future discount rate?
1. When I am tempted to act against my long term interest, frame the choice as giving up the best possible long-term reward for whatever the immediate gratification is.
2. Imagine that long-term reward is already mine. Imagine my future self enjoying the fruits of my self-control.
3. Then ask myself: am I willing to give that up in exchange for whatever fleeting pleasure is tempting me now?
How can I use the idea of precommitment to resist temptation?
I should view my tempted self as an unpredictable and unreliable enemy because it will often decide to change course at the last minute and sabotage my long-term goals and rewards.
What strategies can I use to pre-commit my future self to put the squeeze on my future tempted self?
1. Create a new default. Make choices in advance and from a clear distance before my future self is blinded by temptation. For instance, a healthy lunch before I'm hungry and tempted by fast food.
2. Make it more difficult to reverse my preferences. Like Cortez sinking his ships, I need to find a way to eliminate the easiest route to giving in. For instance, have Cindy hide any alcohol or candy in the house.
3. Motivate my future self. Use a stick by finding a way to make immediate gratification more painful if you give in. Such as committing to donate money to a charity if I don't meet my goals, especially a charity I do not like. This becomes a "tax" added to the immediate reward
Is my future self a Superman?
I am treating him like a Superman if I talk myself out of doing something today telling myself that I'll do it tomorrow. Or, if I optimistically overcommit myself to future responsibilities only to find I am overwhelmed by impossible demands. Or if I give in, hoping that my future self will be more disciplined.
Meet my future self: how can I help myself make wiser choices?
1. Create a future memory. Imagining the future helps me delay gratification. I don't even have to think about the future rewards of delaying gratification – just thinking about the future seems to work.
2. Send a message to my future self. Think about what my future self will be doing, and how I will feel about the choices I am making now? Describe to my future self what I'm going to do now to help myself meet my long-term goals. What are my hopes for my future self? What do you think my future self will be like? Imagine what my future self will think looking back on my present itself. Will my future self thank me if I am able to commit to it today.
3. Imagine my future self. Imagining my future self can increase my present self's willpower. Either imagining myself having followed through with my goals and made good choices, or imagine myself suffering the consequences of not following through and making good choices.
What is "social proof" in the context of self control?
To a remarkable degree my brain incorporates the goals, beliefs and actions of other people into my decisions. When I am with other people, or simply thinking about them, they become one more self in my mind competing for self control.
Self control is influenced by social proof making both willpower and temptation contagious.
"But mom, everyone else is doing it". Do I use social proof to convince myself that my willpower challenge is no big deal?
Am I "mirroring" somebody else's behavior?
This happens when a common indulgence is the social glue that holds a relationship together.
What happens when my mirror neurons encode the promise of reward in others?
I will long for a treat myself. My mirror neurons in my brain's reward system are activated and start anticipating a reward.
What are the three ways my social brain can catch willpower failures?
1. Unintentional mimicry. My instinct to mimic other people's actions means that when I see someone else reach for a snack or a drink or a credit card I may find myself unconsciously mirroring their behavior and losing my willpower
2. The contagion of emotions can cause me to mirror another's bad mood and make me feel like I'm the one who needs a drink or a treat. When I catch a bad feeling from another I might turn to my usual strategies for fixing, booze, sugar or spending.
3. My brain can even catch temptation when I see somebody else give in. Seeing someone else engage in my willpower challenge can put me in the mood to join them. When I imagine what other people want, there wants can trigger my wants, and their appetites can trigger my appetites.
What is "goal contagion"?
Whenever I observe other people in action my social brain guesses at their goals. A self-control side effect of my automatic mind reading is that it activates those very same goals in me. That is goal contagion.
How can another person's behavior activate a goal in my mind that was not currently in charge of my choices?
A willpower challenge always involves a conflict between two competing goals. You want pleasure now, but you want health later. You want to splurge, but you also want to get out of debt. Seeing another person pursue one of these competing goals can tip the balance of power in my own mind.
What is counteractive control in regard to goal contagion?
If I am firmly committed to a goal, such as, losing weight, but aware that my partner has a conflicting goal, seeing her do something that conflicts with my strongest goal will put my brain on high alert. It will activate my dominant goal even more strongly and start generating strategies to help me stick with it. It is an
immune response to anything that threatens my self-control.
What is the best way to strengthen my immune response to other people's goals?
The best way to strengthen my immune response to other people's goals is to spend a few minutes at the beginning of my day thinking about my own goals and how I could be tempted to ignore them. Like a vaccine that protects me from other people's germs, reflecting on my own goals will reinforce my intentions and help me avoid goal contagion.
What is the goal to "lose control"?
Sometimes I don't catch specific goals such as eating a snack, but the more general goal to follow my impulses.
Rule breaking is contagious. It might cause me to not only break the same rule but to follow my other impulses as well, that is to do whatever I want rather than what I'm supposed to do.
Anytime I see someone behaving badly I am more likely to follow any of my own impulses. My own self-control deteriorates.
Is self-control contagious, can I catch it?
Yes, thinking about someone with good self-control can increase my own willpower. Look for someone to observe as a willpower model role.
What is a good tactic to do when I need a little extra willpower?
When I need a little extra willpower I should bring my role model to mind, especially a family member or friend. Ask myself "what would this willpower wonder do?"
Why is goal contagion much more likely to happen between myself and my loved ones and close friends?
My sense of self depends on my relationships with others and in many ways I only know who I am by thinking about other people. Because I include other people in my sense of self, their choices influence my choices.
What is "social proof"?
When the rest of my tribe does something, I tend to think it's a smart thing to do. This is one of those useful survival instincts that come with having a social brain. For instance, if I see my whole tribe heading east, I'd better follow. Trusting the judgment of others is the glue that makes social living work.
Social proof has enormous sway over my everyday behavior. It's why I often check the "most read stories "box on news websites and why i'm more likely to go to the number – one movie in the country.
What social proof strategy Can discourage unhealthy behavior?
Convince myself that it's a habit of a group that I would never want to be a member of.
What is "hot" self – control?
Usually we think of self-control as triumph of cool reason over hot impulses, but pride and shame rely on the emotional brain, not the logical prefrontal cortex. Social emotions may have evolved to help us make the choices that will keep us in good standing in our tribe.
Hot self – control: what happens when we imagine ourselves the object of other peoples evaluations?
Imagining myself as the object of my friends and family's evaluations provides a powerful boost to self control. Some psychologists think that social emotions like pride and shame have a quicker and more direct influence over our choices than rational arguments about long term costs and benefits.
How is shame a two – edged sword?
As a preventative measure, shame may work. But once the deed is done, shame is more likely to inspire self sabotage than self-control, i.e., the what – the – hell effect.
How can shame backfire?
Anticipatory shame might be able to keep me from walking into the chocolate store, but when the chocolate is in front of me it has no power over the promise of reward. Once my dopamine neurons are firing, feeling bad intensifies my desire and makes me more likely to give in.
How is pride different than shame?
Pride pulls through even in the face of temptation. Most people who imagined how proud they would be for resisting a drink did not drink.
How is biology involved in pride?
Pride sustains and even increases our heart rate variability, our physiological reserve of willpower. Guilt decreases our reserve.
For pride to work, I need to believe that others are watching, or that I will have the opportunity to report my success to others. How can i use this to deal with my willpower challenges?
Go public with my will power challenges. If I believe that others are rooting for my success and keeping an eye on my behavior I'll be more motivated to do the right thing.
What is the flip side of social proof?
The flip side of social proof is that my actions influence the actions of countless other people and each choice I make for myself can serve as inspiration or temptation for others.
What is "ironic rebound"?
If I try not to think about something it triggers a paradoxical effect: I think about it more than when I was not trying not to think about it and even more than when I was intentionally trying to think about it.
Does ironic rebound effect other instincts besides not thinking about something?
Yes. Ironic effects can be found from attempting to suppress just about any instinct I can imagine. E.g., the person who most wants to keep a secret finds himself compelled spill the beans.
Trying to control my thoughts and feelings has the opposite effect from what I want. What should I do?
If I truly want peace of mind and better self – control, I need to accept that it is impossible to control what comes into my mind. What I can do is choose what I believe and what I act on.
When an upsetting thought comes to mind what should I do?
Feel what I feel, but don't believe everything I think. Notice the thought and how it feels in my body. Then turn my attention to my breathing and imagine the thought dissolving or passing away.
What should I do when an urge hits?
Accept the urge but do not act on it. When an urge hits, notice it and don't try to immediately distract myself or argue with it. Remind myself of the rebound effect and remember my goal to resist.
What is "surfing the urge"?
When an urge takes hold, stay with the physical sensations and ride them like a wave, neither pushing them away or acting on them.
How do I turn my I won't power challenge of not eating grain, processed sugar, and alcohol, into an I will power challenge?
Flip the "I won't" to the "I will" eat healthy foods for better health,vitality and clarity. And I will think about what I can do to improve my health – like exercise – instead of thinking in terms of what I can't or shouldn't do or eat.
What are some strategies for turning my "I won't" challenges into "I will" challenges?
What can I do instead of the "I won't" behavior that might satisfy the same needs? Most bad habits are an attempt to meet a need, whether it's reducing stress, having fun, or seeking approval I can get the focus off of prohibiting the bad habit by replacing it with a new, hopefully healthier, habit.
What are some "successful interventions"?
Excepting anxiety and cravings, ending restricting dieting, and surfing the urge. These teach people to give up a rigid attempt to control their inner experiences. They don't encourage people to believe their most upsetting thoughts or lose control of their behavior.
Successful interventions tie together everything that we've seen so far about how willpower works. What do they rely upon?
Successful interventions rely on my mind's ability to observe myself with curiosity, not judgment. They offer a way to handle the biggest enemies of my willpower: temptation, self-criticism, and stress. They asked me to remember what I really want so I can find this the strength to do what is difficult. Al three of these skills – self – awareness, self – care, and remembering what matters most – are the foundation for self – control.
What three skills are the foundation for self-control?
Self-awareness, self-care, and remembering what matters most are the foundations of self-control.
What are my hot button emergency measures when an urge to indulge surfaces?
Image my bright, lean, mean, hiking machine self, cruising up the trail toting the stone - do I want to trade it for the fat club by indulging in the dopamine delusion?
Surf the urge, mindfully feel it. Like a wave, it will pass on.
Slow breathe. Increase my heart rate variability.
Move, 5 or so minutes outside if practical.
Be aware of my influence on my friends and loved ones.
Imagine my pride when my loved ones see or learn of my self control.
Notice if I am mirroring a companion.
Put space (time or distance )or an obstacle between me and the object of my desire.
Think about something I would rather do with my valuable time.