Chapter 16 - LOVE IS ALL WE NEED

Question 1

What did Sigmund Freud say is important in life?

Answer 1

To love and to work

Question 2

According to the FIRO-B research, what area has the biggest gap between what people express and what they want?

Answer 2

Intimacy

Question 3

How is love defined in this chapter?

Answer 3

Love as an emotion is the absence of fear

Question 4

What physiological response does fear cause in the body?

Answer 4

Muscles tighten and prepares us to flee, fight, or freeze

Question 5

What is the opposite of the state of love?

Answer 5

Fear

Question 6

In common understanding, what is love also seen as?

Answer 6

The act of creation

Question 7

What feeling do clients often experience in industrialized cultures, according to the chapter?

Answer 7

Isolation or loneliness

Question 8

What is connectedness described as in the text?

Answer 8

A quality of life for all human beings

Question 9

What are the two conditions most protective of children’s well-being according to the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent to Adult Health?

Answer 9

• Sense of connection at home
• Sense of connection at school

Question 10

What does Harry Palmer define love as?

Answer 10

An expression of the willingness to create space in which something is allowed to change

Question 11

What paradox did Mother Teresa describe about love?

Answer 11

If I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love

Question 12

What did Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. say about love?

Answer 12

Only love can drive out hate

Question 13

How does self-love impact our ability to love others?

Answer 13

It allows us to fully love others

Question 14

What metaphor is used to describe self-love in relation to giving to others?

Answer 14

A cup that, when full, has enough reserve to give to others

Question 15

What is self-love critical for?

Answer 15

Mental health and happiness

Question 16

What happens when clients lack self-love?

Answer 16

They find it difficult to take care of themselves

Question 17

What is love described as in the chapter?

Answer 17

A choice

Question 18

What common examples do people choose instead of love?

Answer 18

• Self-focus
• Anger
• Judgments
• Expectations
• Being right
• Being busy
• Worries

Question 19

What practice is associated with increased joy and lowered incidence of depression?

Answer 19

Keeping a gratitude journal

Question 20

What is the first step in the Compassion Exercise?

Answer 20

Repeat to yourself: ‘Just like me, this person is seeking some happiness for his/her life.’

Question 21

What does the Compassion Exercise aim to foster?

Answer 21

Compassion for others

Question 22

What is the purpose of the exercise asking clients how they treat someone they love?

Answer 22

To learn how to better love themselves

Question 23

What is a key coaching question regarding love?

Answer 23

What gets in the way of choosing love for you?

Question 24

What is the primary focus of the exercises described for clients?

Answer 24

To raise clients’ awareness about choices they can make to love themselves better

The exercises encourage clients to reflect on how they express love to others and how they can apply similar actions towards themselves.

Question 25

What is Step 1 of the exercise on expressing love?

Answer 25

Ask the client, 'What do you do for a person you really love? What do you do for or with that person?'

Question 26

What might a client say they do for a loved one?

Answer 26

Examples include: * Scratching their back without being asked * Paying close attention and listening when they talk about their day

Question 27

What is Step 2 of the exercise on expressing love?

Answer 27

Ask the client, 'Do you do the same for yourself?'

Question 28

What is the focus of Step 3 in the exercise on expressing love?

Answer 28

Ask, 'How can you do more of this with yourself? How can you pay more exquisite attention to yourself?'

Question 29

What is the primary aim of Exercise 16.3, 'Expressing Care'?

Answer 29

To help clients focus concretely on how they care for valued possessions and draw analogies to self-care.

Question 30

What is Step 1 of the 'Expressing Care' exercise?

Answer 30

Ask the client to think of something they own and really value and care about.

Question 31

What are some examples of valued possessions clients might mention?

Answer 31

Examples include: * A family photograph album * A piano * A Mont Blanc pen * A 1957 Chevy Corvette

Question 32

What is Step 2 of the 'Expressing Care' exercise?

Answer 32

Ask the client, 'How do you take care of it?'

Question 33

What are some specific actions clients might take to care for their valued possessions?

Answer 33

Examples include: * Protecting a photograph album from light * Dusting and polishing a piano * Keeping a pen in a special case * Maintaining a vintage car

Question 34

What is the focus of Step 3 in the 'Expressing Care' exercise?

Answer 34

Ask the client, 'How could you do similar things to take exquisite care of yourself?'

Question 35

What are the two healthy options for forgiveness according to Janis Abrahms Spring?

Answer 35

* Acceptance * True forgiveness

Question 36

What does true forgiveness involve?

Answer 36

A healing process that the offender and hurt party engage in together.

Question 37

What does the story of Roswell McIntyre illustrate about forgiveness?

Answer 37

It shows how forgiveness can change the course of a life.

Question 38

What lesson does the water bearer story convey?

Answer 38

Our flaws can be transformed into gifts through acceptance.

Question 39

What metaphor does Anthony de Mello use to describe our attachments that hinder love?

Answer 39

He refers to them as 'drugs' and 'addictions'.

Question 40

What must one do to truly love, according to Anthony de Mello?

Answer 40

Learn to see again and give up dependency.

Question 41

What is the essence of love as described in the reflections on love?

Answer 41

Love is our own essential nature, pure and lasting.

Question 42

What can hinder our experience of love according to the reflections?

Answer 42

Self-centered desires, focus on the senses, and mental chatter.

Question 43

Fill in the blank: Healthy love of others requires us to let go of _______.

Answer 43

[resentments, old angers, and unforgiven wounds]

Question 44

True or False: Forgiveness is always easy to give.

Answer 44

False

Question 45

What can happen if someone refuses to forgive?

Answer 45

They may stew in hostility and cut themselves off from connections with life.

Question 46

What is the nature of love according to the text?

Answer 46

Love is constantly available, flowing, spontaneous, and independent ## Footnote Love sustains and is considered divine.

Question 47

How did the author's understanding of love change after her husband's death?

Answer 47

The awareness of Inner Love was evoked, showing that love was always present within her ## Footnote This recognition allowed her to savor love even in absence.

Question 48

What does the author mean by 'Inner Love'?

Answer 48

Inner Love is the awareness of love that exists within oneself, independent of external circumstances ## Footnote It can be accessed even in great pain.

Question 49

What are the implications of love being our true essence?

Answer 49

* It is accessible to anyone * No one is helpless in discovering love * Romantic love can be reframed as an expression of Inner Love * Feeling loved by another stimulates awareness of one's own Inner Love

Question 50

What does the author suggest about the experience of feeling loved?

Answer 50

Feeling loved by another reflects the stimulation of our own awareness of Inner Love ## Footnote This often occurs when the other person is also aware of their Inner Love.

Question 51

Is love dependent on circumstances or other people?

Answer 51

No, love is independent of circumstances and does not require the presence of another human being ## Footnote It can be experienced even in solitude.

Question 52

What confusion exists around the definitions of love in modern society?

Answer 52

* Love is often confused with attachment * Love is mixed with sex * Love is confused with infatuation * Love is seen as a limited resource

Question 53

What is the suggested reframing of love?

Answer 53

Love is the force or capacity that is the source of feelings like wonder, gratitude, beauty, affection, and enjoyment ## Footnote This view suggests love may be beyond definition.

Question 54

What is the story shared by Rachel Naomi Remen about giving?

Answer 54

Her grandfather taught her that some things are worth doing any way you can, reflecting the goodness of love ## Footnote This illustrates that all expressions of love are valuable.

Question 55

What are some practices to become aware of Inner Love?

Answer 55

* Focus on the heart and observe inner movement * Recall a loving experience and shift focus to the love itself * Request to experience love from within * Act as if love is your constant nourishment

Question 56

What role does love play in coaching according to the text?

Answer 56

* Coaches should practice entering within to access Inner Love * Awareness of Inner Love enhances the coaching atmosphere * Love creates trust and safety in the coaching relationship

Question 57

What happens when a coach is aware of their Inner Love?

Answer 57

* The client experiences their own Inner Love * Listening becomes more natural * Intuition flows more strongly * Love can be directed towards clients and goals

Question 58

How does the text conclude regarding coaching and love?

Answer 58

Coaching is rooted in a deep caring for clients’ fulfillment, emphasizing the importance of love in life coaching ## Footnote Better coaching leads to better living.