DISCOUNT GRAVES Flashcards
Sean (24 cards)
No no! E-A-C-E, not I-E-C-E. And no S at all!
Hi. Am I interrupting something?
Hello! Hello! Welcome to Remainders and Reminders discount graves and memorials. I am Constantine Dogood. How may I be of service?
I’m looking for a burial plot for myself
Now, what kind of plot would tickle your post life fancy? Seaside grave? Mountaintop monolith? Perhaps a nice shady tomb under an old oak tree?
Oh, I’m guessing that all of those are out of my price range. Maybe something… basic?
This is the book of story plots. Grave plots Martine! MARTINE: Oh. Of course.
What was that?
Oh nothing. I’m sure we can find just the spot for you, so that you can eternal rest easy.
That sounds great
While we wait for Martine, perhaps we can discuss plot insurance?
Plot insurance?
Yes, you don’t want your final abode to be unprotected from acts of god.
I… think I’ll be ok
Of course. Ah, here now is the book of plots. (begins to look through the book). Oh, there’s a lovely plot in Fields of Elysia cemetery for six thousand
Uh, that’s a little outside of what I can do.
Not a problem. I can get you a nice plot in Shady Acres for two thousand
That is still out of my reach
For your final resting place?
I’m afraid so
I see. What about, a street side plot at Milly’s Dirtnap Motel for five hundred dollars?
(sighs) Sounds lovely, but I can’t afford it. I’m very worried that when I die I won’t have anywhere to go. You see, I don’t have a lot of money. I’m an artist.
Say no more. Perhaps a cemetery for pets?
I don’t wanna be buried in a pet cemetery. I don’t want to live my life again.
Have no fear. We at Remainders and Reminders have the solution for anyone’s needs. Even artists
Are you sure?
Yes. You see, there is an unspoken and quite sad phenomena in the funeral business. We call them jilted plots
What is that?
This “book” contains listings for funeral plots that were originally part of a set… but are no longer
What do you mean?
Usually when a spouse dies they are buried in a plot for two. Many times, the living spouse goes on to remarry. And so they decide to… forgo their original plan and instead lie in repose next to their new spouse. When this happens, the original plot goes on deep discount
So I’d be buried next to someone else’s wife?
Or husband
That’s pretty messed up
I like to think of it as providing afterlife companionship to those that should but don’t have a companion. And it is incredibly inexpensive
How inexpensive?
Let’s see… (looks in book) I have a space next to a highly successful attorney for $200.
That’s not bad
Of course buried under a stone with her husband’s name, J.D. Pants
No. I want my own name on the gravestone.
I’m afraid it does not usually work that way. Maybe we can find a plot with a name similar to yours? What is your name?
Sean
Sean?
Malakatsos
Oh. Let’s look at Seans. (looks through book) Ah, perfect. Sean Mullens for a measly seventy five dollars
But that’s not my name
We can just scratch out the Ullens. Then it will say Sean M. And you’d be doing this poor soul next to you a great favor
Yeah?
