RAPTURE BORDER CRISIS Flashcards
St. Peter (18 cards)
[open scene]
I’m sorry. You’ll just have to let Gabriel know that we need to reschedule dinner. I have to work late. Again. (he waves at the Dufresnes as they approach) It’s not my fault. I’m not the one that decided that now was the right time. (pause) No. I know it wasn’t your decision either. (pause) No! I’m not questioning His word! I just want a night off. Look, I gotta go, the Dufresnes are here. Love you too Michael. (to Dufresnes) Welcome Dufresnes!
How did you-
This is the gate to Heaven. I know everyone that approaches. Name’s Peter. You are expected Arthur and Tilda Dufresne
We’re dead?
Well kinda. You see, it’s the end of days. You two were raptured. Congratulations!
Arthur! You’re talking to Saint Peter!
It’s ok. This is a very sudden process. It can take some getting used to
I’m just glad we’re getting into Heaven
Yeah. About that…
Oh please. I didn’t do shit
Hes speaks the truth. You are both Heaven qualified
Great. Let us in
But we’ve kind of temporarily closed the border
That’s absurd
I don’t disagree with you. Since the start of the rapture, a bunch of angels have been very vocal about the kind of people getting in to Heaven. Turns out many aren’t as forgiving as the big guy.
But we aren’t! We’re just the Dufresnes
We’ve tried to explain to them that murderers and rapists aren’t even getting raptured, but it’s fallen on deaf ears.
Oh wait! Our dog Milo! He’s in there right. All dogs go to heaven. He must miss us
Well…
What kind of garbahge is it this time?
The current administration has ended deathright citizenship for canines. I’m afraid Milo will need to pass a written obedience class, and it is only offered in English
That’s a real numb nuts policy
Oh for sure. But for the time being, Heaven is closed. Both for Milo, and unfortunately yourselves
That doesn’t mean we have to go to…
Oh goodness no! We have some lovely Heaven adjacent camps for all the rapturees. Just until we can open back up
Oh that’s nice.
Dufresne, Tilda will be at camp Alpha 46719, and Dufresne, Arthur is assigned camp Omega 6566… 5
We won’t be together?
Only until we reopen the border. Shouldn’t be more than a few thousand years. But what’s great is that you will never be hungry.
The food’s that good?
There is no food. But since you’re raptured, we don’t have to feed you
What the hell are we supposed to do for a few thousand years?
We have a wonderful collection of videos for your viewing pleasure. And it’s been curated by one of your own rapturees
Oh lovely!
It is. We are quite happy with the selection put together by Kirk Cameron
