Section 3: Negative Conflict Patterns Flashcards
- Demand Withdraw
Revolutionary Rd.
one person demands, so other withdraws (doesn’t want to talk about acting failure)
- Negative Reciprocity
Revolutionary Rd.
back and forth, hurtful msgs.
keep saying insults
- Gunnysacking
store old grievances and then dump them on partner during conflict.
passive aggressive
- Kitchen Sinking
rehashing old arguments when get into new one.
passive aggressive
- Button-pushing
purposely do or say hurtful
- Devaluation
most intense feelings arise.
feeling unappreciated at indv or relational level.
- Empty Threats consequences
- lose face/ credibility
- “psychological” sep., thinking about living w/out that person.
urge NEVER to use
- Meta-complaints
complaining about complaints. Blocks solution–being unhappy
- Mind-reading
assume know their feelings, etc. by observing behavior
- Four Horsemen of Apocalypse
- Criticisms: like meta-complaining (Red’s)
- Defensiveness: refusing to let what they say “sink in”.
- Contempt: disregard for other’s “character” (Revolutionary Rd.)
- Stonewalling
all driven by pride..
3 Explanations for negative conflict patterns
Emotional __
Communication ___
Making ___
- Emotional Flooding
- Comm. Skills Deficits
- Making Attributions
- Emotional Flooding
being attacked cause quick flood of negative emo, results in fight or flight. Button-pushing and empty threats worsen situation.
- Communication skills deficits
not being able to voice point of view w/out anger, blame
- Making attributions
Meta-attributions
“assigning reasons or causes to someone’s behavior”
cause of bad behavior “is in the person” not “behavior”
(Revolutionary Rd: “you’re sick”)
