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1

The way to get through this period is to stay with your experience, as much as possible.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

2

“I have an ocean of tears, and I’m not a good swimmer. ”.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

3

Heartbreak (n. ): the vast pain that we suffer in response to our expectations not being met in some way; a facet of reality as a human being.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

4

There are many forms of heartbreak. They all seem to revolve around our unrealistic expectations not being met,.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

5

The specific situations that cause us heartbreak result in similar reactions. We shut down. We get angry. We feel devastated. And so on.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

6

Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, once said, “True love is the natural energy of our settled mind. ”1.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

7

Four main qualities make up the notion of love in every Buddhist tradition,.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

8

1. Loving-kindness. Translated from the Sanskrit word mitra, or friend, the act of loving-kindness is the very act of befriending ourselves. If we cannot love ourselves, we have no hope of loving others.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

9

If you haven’t unlocked your heart by befriending yourself there is no love to offer to those other beings.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

10

2. Compassion. Having befriended ourselves, we can offer our heart to others. We share in their joy and we share in their suffering.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

11

My personal definition of a loving relationship is one where two people are able to stand shoulder to shoulder together to meet the many discomforts life presents them.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

12

3. Sympathetic joy. The next quality of love in the Buddhist tradition is sympathetic joy. This means we don’t hold ourselves apart from the joy of others, in a similar way to how we don’t hide from other people’s suffering. We take on both.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

13

4. Equanimity. My favorite translation of the Sanskrit word for equanimity, upeksha, is actually “inclusiveness. ” It means we remain openhearted not just when we’re hanging out with our good friends—we also do so when we see our ex at a bar or that colleague who really screwed us over at work. It means we include in our heart the people we like, the people we really don’t like, and the vast number of people we have never even met.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

14

Thich Nhat Hanh has said, “When you love one person, it’s an opportunity for you to love everyone, all beings. ”2 Making our heart that accommodating—that is equanimity.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

15

The foundation of loving all beings is starting with taking care of and loving yourself.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

16

Pema Chödrön has said, “Unconditional good heart toward others is not even a possibility unless we attend to our own demons. ”3 First we attend to our demons. Then we befriend our demons. Then we grow to love our demons.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

17

The main way to move through heartbreak is to look directly at it and not flinch. To stay with our discomfort is the best way to move through our discomfort.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

18

If you disregard all the other advice in the book I hope you will hear this one thing: please give meditation a chance.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

19

The heartbreak was based in feeling that things should be one way, and becoming disappointed to learn that they were another.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

20

Because we spend most of our mental energy in the land of What If we are startled and shocked when reality intervenes and shows us the land of The Way Things Are.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

21

In this way, it’s not the heart that breaks, it’s the ego.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

22

Your set ego has an archenemy called Reality.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

23

Love can be true and lasting, under the right conditions. . . . Yet often, instead of giving love room to expand, we box it in with our expectations. Expectations make our love conditional on what the other person does or says. . . . For love to last, it is best not to have too many expectations. It is better just to offer love. ”6.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

24

Writing is how I process information.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

25

Here’s what I discovered about heart failure: it’s the term they use when they have no clue why someone died.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

26

We stumbled across a love of Bulleit bourbon. That’s my go-to drink now, and every time I raise a glass I raise it to Alex.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

27

Suffering is the nature of things. We Buddhists call this whole cycle of suffering samsara, and it is said that we are engaged in it lifetime after lifetime.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

28

The very first thing that the Buddha ever taught was the Four Noble Truths. Truth number one is all about suffering. There are three types of suffering the Buddha discussed. The suffering of suffering the suffering of change all-pervasive suffering.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

29

The suffering of change is that even the really fun parts of our life are impermanent. It doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy, say, the beginning of a relationship when everything is shiny and new. It just means we shouldn’t do what we often do, which is expect it to always be that way. Relationships change. People change. Everything changes.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

30

The Second Noble Truth, incidentally, is that we suffer because of ignorance and craving.

Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler

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