Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant Flashcards
(205 cards)
1
Q
Poetry, philosophy, and physics all teach us that we don’t experience time in equal increments.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
2
Q
Grief is a demanding companion.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
3
Q
Ordinary events became land mines.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
4
Q
Let the story reveal itself. He doesn’t start each project knowing where the tale will end because it has to unfold in its own way and in its own time.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
5
Q
Worried that I would try to control my grief, he encouraged me to listen to it, keep it close, and let it run its course.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
6
Q
“No one ever told me,” C. S. Lewis wrote, “that grief felt so like fear. ” The fear was constant and it felt like the grief would never subside. The waves would continue to crash over me until I was no longer standing, no longer myself.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
7
Q
After losing a parent, many children are surprisingly resilient. They go on to have happy childhoods and become well-adjusted adults.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
8
Q
By six months, more than half of people who lose a spouse are past what psychologists classify as “acute grief. ”.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
9
Q
We don’t pretend that hope will win out over pain every day. It won’t.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
10
Q
“Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of Option B. ”.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
11
Q
Psychologist Martin Seligman found that three P’s can stunt recovery: (1) personalization—the belief that we are at fault; (2) pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life; and (3) permanence—the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
12
Q
Not everything that happens to us happens because of us.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
13
Q
Over the next few months, the thing I found myself saying most often was, “I’m sorry. ”.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
14
Q
Banish the word “sorry. ” He also vetoed “I apologize,” “I regret that,”.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
15
Q
By blaming myself I was delaying my recovery,.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
16
Q
In the Jewish tradition, there is a seven-day intense mourning period known as shiva,.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
17
Q
People need to feel supported and understood at work. I now know that this is even more important after tragedy.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
18
Q
After the death of a loved one, only 60 percent of private sector workers get paid time off—and usually just a few days.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
19
Q
When we’re suffering, we tend to project it out indefinitely.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
20
Q
We tend to overestimate how long negative events will affect us.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
21
Q
Just as the body has a physiological immune system, the brain has a psychological immune system. When something goes wrong, we instinctively marshal defense mechanisms. We see silver linings in clouds. We add sugar and water to lemons. We start clinging to clichés.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
22
Q
Seligman found that words like “never” and “always” are signs of permanence. Just as I had to banish “sorry” from my vocabulary, I tried to eliminate “never” and “always” and replace them with “sometimes” and “lately. ”.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
23
Q
Cognitive behavioral therapy technique where you write down a belief that’s causing you anguish and then follow it with proof that the belief is false.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
24
Q
Humans are evolutionarily wired for both connection and grief: we naturally have the tools to recover from loss and trauma.
A
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
25
Old Jewish tradition, like rejecting the first table offered in a restaurant.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
26
Psychologists asked a group of people to make a weekly list of five things for which they were grateful. Another group wrote about hassles and a third listed ordinary events. Nine weeks later, the gratitude group felt significantly happier and reported fewer health problems.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
27
Resilience comes from deep within us and from support outside us. It comes from gratitude for what’s good in our lives and from leaning in to the suck.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
28
I learned that when life pulls you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. 2.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
29
Even people who have endured the worst suffering often want to talk about it.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
30
Survivors want the opportunity to teach and not be shunned because they went through something unknowable,”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
31
These aren’t personal questions. They are human questions,”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
32
Avoiding feelings isn’t the same as protecting feelings.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
33
“Our child dies a second time when no one speaks their name. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
34
“mum effect” for when people avoid sharing bad news.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
35
“For the victim of racism, like the victim of loss, the silence is crippling. The two things we want to know when we’re in pain are that we’re not crazy to feel the way we do and that we have support.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
36
Psychologists literally call them “openers. ” Unlike non-question-asking friends, openers ask a lot of questions and listen to the answers without judging.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
37
That the most helpful support usually comes from those who have suffered similar losses.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
38
Opening up about traumatic events can improve mental and physical health.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
39
“I know you don’t know yet what will happen—and neither do I. But you won’t go through this alone. I will be there with you every step of the way. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
40
“When you’re faced with tragedy, you usually find that you’re no longer surrounded by people—you’re surrounded by platitudes.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
41
None of the participants actually pressed the button. Stopping the noise didn’t make the difference…knowing they could stop the noise did. The button gave them a sense of control and allowed them to endure the stress.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
42
When people are in pain, they need a button.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
43
The friend stopped talking to Alycia, choosing escape over empathy.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
44
My closest friends and family convinced me that they truly wanted to help, which made me feel like less of a burden.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
45
Caring means that when someone is hurting, you cannot imagine being anywhere else.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
46
But when people made their predictions just ten minutes after removing their arm from the ice water, they made the same estimates as the warm water group. Once the icy water was behind them, even for just minutes, they couldn’t quite fathom what it felt like to be cold.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
47
But when someone is suffering, instead of following the Golden Rule, we need to follow the Platinum Rule: treat others as they want to be treated.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
48
Author Bruce Feiler believes the problem lies in the offer to “do anything. ” He writes that “while well meaning, this gesture unintentionally shifts the obligation to the aggrieved. Instead of offering ‘anything,’ just do something. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
49
A friend texted him, “What do you NOT want on a burger?” Dan appreciated the effort. “Instead of asking if I wanted food, he made the choice for me but gave me the dignity of feeling in control. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
50
Specific acts help because instead of trying to fix the problem, they address the damage caused by the problem.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
51
Psychologists put teenage girls under stress by asking them to give a spontaneous public speech. When mothers and daughters who were close held hands, the physical contact took away some of the daughters’ anxiety. The daughters sweated less and the physiological stress was transferred to the mothers.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
52
Psychologist Susan Silk, who devised the “ring theory. ” She suggests writing down the names of people in the center of the tragedy and drawing a circle around them. Then draw a bigger circle around that one and write the names of the people who are next most affected by the event. Keep drawing larger circles.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
53
Wherever you are in the circle, offer comfort in and seek comfort out. That means consoling the people who are closer to the tragedy than you are and reaching out for support from those who are farther removed.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
54
I hated asking for help, hated needing it, worried incessantly that I was a huge burden to everyone, and yet depended on their constant support.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
55
Friendship isn’t only what you can give, it’s what you’re able to receive.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
56
They are five states that don’t progress in a linear fashion but rise and fall. Grief and anger aren’t extinguished like flames doused with water. They can flicker away one moment and burn hot the next.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
57
I used to think there was one set of footprints because my friends were carrying me through the worst days of my life. But now it means something else to me. When I saw one set of footprints, it was because they were following directly behind me, ready to catch me if I fell.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
58
Self-compassion isn’t talked about as much as it should be, maybe because it’s often confused with its troublesome cousins, self-pity and self-indulgence.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
59
Psychologist Kristin Neff describes self-compassion as offering the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to a friend.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
60
In a study of people whose marriages fell apart, resilience was not related to their self-esteem, optimism, or depression before divorce, or to how long their relationships or separations had lasted. What helped people cope with distress and move on was self-compassion.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
61
For soldiers returning from war in Afghanistan and Iraq, those who were kind to themselves showed significant declines in symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
62
Self-compassion is associated with greater happiness and satisfaction, fewer emotional difficulties, and less anxiety.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
63
This is why confession in the Catholic religion begins with “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” not “Forgive me, Father, for I am a sinner. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
64
Blaming our actions rather than our character allows us to feel guilt instead of shame.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
65
Among college students, the shame-prone were more likely than the guilt-prone to have drug and alcohol problems. Prisoners who felt ashamed were 30 percent more likely to commit repeat offenses than those who felt guilty. Elementary and middle school kids who felt shame were more hostile and aggressive, while guilt-prone kids were more likely to defuse conflicts.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
66
It helped me quiet myself and reflect. I was able to put words to my feelings and unpack them. ” Writing can be a powerful tool for learning self-compassion.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
67
Psychologist Jamie Pennebaker had two groups of college students journal for fifteen minutes a day for just four days—some about nonemotional topics and others about the most traumatic experiences of their lives, which included rape, attempted suicide, and child abuse. After the first day of writing, the second group was less happy and had higher blood pressure. This made sense, since confronting trauma is painful. But when Pennebaker followed up six months later, the effects reversed and those who wrote about their traumas were significantly better off emotionally and physically.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
68
Writing about traumatic events can decrease anxiety and anger, boost grades, reduce absences from work, and lessen the emotional impact of job loss.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
69
Immediately after a tragedy or crisis, journaling can backfire: the event is too raw for some to process. After loss, it appears that writing can reduce loneliness and improve mood but does not necessarily help with grief or depression symptoms.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
70
Philosopher Søren Kierkegaard said that life can only be understood backward but it must be lived forward.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
71
Journaling helped me make sense of the past and rebuild my self-confidence to navigate the present and future.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
72
Counting our blessings doesn’t boost our confidence or our effort, but counting our contributions can.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
73
Empathy was nice but encouragement was better.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
74
Cancer survivors were less likely to get called back for job interviews.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
75
Changed the way I interact with coworkers going through difficult personal situations. I still always start by offering them time off. But now I understand the importance of treating them as regular members of the team and praising their work as well.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
76
The costs of placing a four-year-old and an infant in child care exceed annual median rent payments in every state.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
77
Single mothers have the highest rates of poverty in America and are almost twice as likely to be poor as single fathers.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
78
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. —ALBERT CAMUS.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
79
“When we are no longer able to change a situation,” psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl observed, “we are challenged to change ourselves.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
80
As time passed, instead of post-traumatic stress, some of the parents experienced post-traumatic growth.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
81
Post-traumatic growth could take five different forms: finding personal strength, gaining appreciation, forming deeper relationships, discovering more meaning in life, and seeing new possibilities.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
82
“I am more vulnerable than I thought, but much stronger than I ever imagined. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
83
‘He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how. ’.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
84
I celebrate every one because I no longer take for granted that the next birthday will come.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
85
Tragedy can also motivate people to develop new and deeper relationships.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
86
“In prosperity our friends know us. In adversity we know our friends. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
87
Viktor Frankl’s words, “In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
88
I was not going to be a product of my DNA. I was going to be a product of my actions,”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
89
When they measured my stature, they failed to measure my heart. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
90
On days when people think they’ve had a meaningful impact on others at work, they feel more energized at home and more capable of dealing with difficult situations.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
91
“raise your hand if Dave Goldberg did something to change your life for the better—provided.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
92
Don’t make any big decisions in the early stages of acute grief.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
93
After trauma, some people ended up choosing different directions for their lives that they never would have considered before.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
94
People help where they’ve been hurt so that their wounds are not in vain.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
95
Philosopher Seneca (and the song “Closing Time”): “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
96
There should be a word for the joy you feel when your kids are friends with your friends’ kids.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
97
Survivor guilt is a thief of joy—yet another secondary loss from death.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
98
A life chasing pleasure without meaning is an aimless existence. Yet a meaningful life without joy is a depressing one.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
99
When we focus on others, we find motivation that is difficult to marshal for ourselves alone.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
100
Just as we need to be kind to ourselves when we make mistakes, we also need to be kind to ourselves by enjoying life when we can.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
101
Tragedy breaks down your door and takes you prisoner. To escape takes effort and energy. Seeking joy after facing adversity is taking back what was stolen from you.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
102
Bono has said, “Joy is the ultimate act of defiance. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
103
“Both deaths are woven into the fabric of my life, but they’re not what define me,” she said. “Joy is very important to me. And I can’t count on joy to come from my daughter or anyone else. It has to come from me.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
104
Happiness is the frequency of positive experiences, not the intensity.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
105
“How we spend our days,” author Annie Dillard writes, is “how we spend our lives. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
106
Tim Urban describes it, happiness is the joy you find on hundreds of forgettable Wednesdays.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
107
Paying attention to moments of joy takes effort because we are wired to focus on the negatives more than the positives. Bad events tend to have a stronger effect on us than good events.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
108
Writing about joyful experiences for just three days can improve people’s moods and decrease their visits to health centers a full three months later.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
109
As we get older, we define happiness less in terms of excitement and more in terms of peacefulness.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
110
People don’t report being happy while they are in flow. They are so engaged that they only describe it as joyful afterward.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
111
Exercise as one of the best ways to improve psychological well-being.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
112
There are more refugees today than there have been at any time since World War II;.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
113
“A good painting is a lot of good decisions,”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
114
A knack for reframing painful events.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
115
Respond to embarrassment with humor.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
116
His own reaction to his disability influenced how others reacted, which meant he could control how he was perceived.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
117
I would never wish for anyone to gain this perspective—but perspective it is.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
118
Is not a fixed personality trait. It’s a lifelong project.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
119
Helping children develop four core beliefs: (1) they have some control over their lives; (2) they can learn from failure; (3) they matter as human beings; and (4) they have real strengths to rely on and share.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
120
Change Your Shoes that helps young women see that the trauma in their past does not determine their future.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
121
Carol Dweck has shown that children respond better to adversity when they have a growth mindset instead of a fixed one.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
122
But when kids were praised for trying, they worked harder on the challenging test and made more of an effort to finish it.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
123
The Trevor Project, LGBTQ youths have 24/7 access to free counseling by text and phone.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
124
In Denmark, mattering is part of the school curriculum. During a weekly hour called Klassen Time, students come together to discuss problems and help one another. Danish children do this every week from age six until they graduate from high school.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
125
Teachers are told students from stigmatized groups have potential to bloom, the teachers begin to treat them differently. They help students learn from failure. They set high expectations, give students extra attention, and actively encourage them to develop their strengths.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
126
Giving kids a sense of stability was essential at a time when their world is turned upside down.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
127
Kids have more neural plasticity than adults, allowing their brains to adapt more easily in the face of stress.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
128
Children have limits to how much intense emotion they can process at once. They have shorter “feeling spans”; their grief comes more in bursts than in sustained periods.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
129
Kids also sometimes express their grief through behavior changes and play rather than in words.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
130
“fast double-sorries”—when two people hurt each other’s feelings, you both apologize quickly so that you forgive each other and yourselves.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
131
Asking for help is in all four categories. Now I see that this is at the heart of building resilience.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
132
When children grow up with a strong understanding of their family’s history—where their grandparents grew up, what their parents’ childhoods were like—they have better coping skills and a stronger sense of belonging.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
133
Talking openly about positive and even difficult memories can help develop resilience. It’s especially powerful to share stories about how the family sticks together through good times and bad,.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
134
“Nostalgia” comes from the Greek words nostos and algos, which mean “return” and “pain. ” Nostalgia is literally the suffering that we feel when we yearn for the past to come back to us, yet psychologists find that it is mostly a pleasant state.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
135
After people reflect on an event, they tend to feel happier and more connected to others.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
136
FAF, which is short for “Family Awesome Fun. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
137
As individuals, we feel weaker on some days than on others. But as a family we are stronger together.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
138
Every survivor’s story shared a common theme: a key to their resilience was hope.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
139
We normally think of hope as something individuals hold in their heads and in their hearts. But people can build hope together. By creating a shared identity, individuals can form a group that has a past and a brighter future.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
140
“To maintain faith at all times, despite our setbacks, we had to become alchemists,” survivor Javier Methol said. “Changing tragedy into a miracle, depression into hope. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
141
Resilience is not just built in individuals. It is built among individuals—in our neighborhoods, schools, towns, and governments. When we build resilience together, we become stronger ourselves and form communities that can overcome obstacles and prevent adversity. Collective resilience requires more than just shared hope—it is also fueled by shared experiences, shared narratives, and shared power.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
142
“When we suffer loss or face difficulties of any kind, there is a real desire deep in most people for human connection,” explained Kara’s executive director Jim Santucci,.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
143
Deep human connection. It is not just ‘Oh, I feel bad for you’ but ‘I actually understand. ’ ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
144
For anger, kids used chalk to scrawl words that made them angry on the pavement. Some wrote “bullying”; others wrote “cancer” or “drugs. ” Then on the count of three they threw water balloons on the ground to smear the words away and release their anger.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
145
At a second station, a camper held a brick representing guilt. As the brick became too heavy, another camper shared the burden of its weight. These exercises helped show my children that their emotions were normal and other kids felt them too.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
146
The club that no one wants to belong to is incredibly bonding. Perhaps because none of us wanted to join, we cling to one another.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
147
The Underground Scholars Initiative, a group that supports Berkeley students affected by incarceration.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
148
The Posse Foundation is another organization founded on the importance of grouping students with similar backgrounds to combat feelings of isolation.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
149
Since 1989, Posse has helped nearly seven thousand students attend college with a 90 percent graduation rate.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
150
Collective stories create identity for communities.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
151
When college students were reminded of their gender before taking a math test, women performed 43 percent worse than men. When the exact same test was called a “problem-solving test” instead of a “math test,” the gender gap in performance vanished.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
152
“stereotype threat”: the fear of being reduced to a negative stereotype. That fear becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when anxiety disrupts our thinking and causes us to conform to the stereotype.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
153
Often the people fighting injustice are themselves the victims of injustice.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
154
Some of the world’s greatest achievements have been rooted in personal tragedies.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
155
Journalist Antoine Leiris, whose wife Hélène was killed in a 2015 Paris terrorist attack. Just two days later he wrote, “On Friday night, you stole the life of an exceptional being, the love of my life, the mother of my son, but you will not have my hate…. I will not give you the satisfaction of hating you. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
156
“Moral elevation” describes the feeling of being uplifted by an act of uncommon goodness. Elevation brings out what Abraham Lincoln called “the better angels of our nature. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
157
Martin Luther King Jr. Said, “Let no man pull you so low as to hate him. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
158
“What unites us is stronger than what divides us,”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
159
Resilient communities have strong social ties—bonds between people, bridges between groups, and links to local leaders.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
160
This work made me acutely aware that even the most heroic examples of individual resilience can be inadequate in the face of poverty and untreated illness. When people with leprosy were kicked out of their villages, no amount of individual resilience could have helped them.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
161
Empowering communities builds collective resilience.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
162
In China, women who are single past the age of twenty-seven are stigmatized as sheng nu, or “leftover women. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
163
Being part of a community can give us strength that we sometimes can’t find on our own.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
164
We find our humanity—our will to live and our ability to love—in our connections to one another.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
165
The more times a government or company had failed, the more likely they were to put a rocket into orbit successfully on the next try.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
166
Their chances of success increased after a rocket exploded compared to a smaller failure.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
167
Not only do we learn more from failure than success, we learn more from bigger failures because we scrutinize them more closely.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
168
Elon had asked for the top ten risks in advance of the launch, and the problem that caused the failure turned out to be number eleven. Pro tip: ask for top eleven risks.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
169
Just as all people need resilience, all organizations do too.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
170
To be resilient after failures, we have to learn from them. Most of the time, we know this; we just don’t do it. We’re too insecure to admit mistakes to ourselves or too proud to admit them to others. Instead of opening up, we get defensive and shut down.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
171
Creating a culture that encourages individuals to acknowledge their missteps and regrets.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
172
The majority of regrets were about failures to act, not actions that failed.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
173
Psychologists have found that over time we usually regret the chances we missed, not the chances we took.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
174
When things went wrong at work, it was important to me that the people responsible for the mistake acknowledge it.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
175
Try hard things and discuss failures openly.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
176
Teams that focus on learning from failure outperform those that don’t,.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
177
Gathering and acting on negative feedback is how you reach your potential.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
178
Although fishing for compliments hurts your reputation, asking for criticism signals that you care about improving.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
179
One of the best ways to see ourselves clearly is to ask others to hold up a mirror.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
180
“The measure of who we are is how we react to something that doesn’t go our way,”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
181
Accepting feedback is easier when you don’t take it personally.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
182
“After every low score you receive,” law professors Doug Stone and Sheila Heen advise, you should “give yourself a ‘second score’ based on how you handle the first score…. Even when you get an F for the situation itself, you can still earn an A+ for how you deal with it. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
183
The ability to listen to feedback is a sign of resilience,.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
184
Building resilient teams and organizations takes open and honest communication. When companies fail, it’s usually for reasons that almost everyone knows but almost no one has voiced.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
185
One of my favorite posters on our office walls reads, “Nothing at Facebook is someone else’s problem. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
186
Carolyn Everson, who runs our global sales teams, shares her performance reviews in an internal Facebook group with 2,400 members. She wants her entire team to see how she’s working to improve.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
187
“I wanted to be a role model in that perfect ‘put together’ sense. Instead, I told them I had cancer and would need their support. ” Their response blew her away. Caryn’s teammates pulled together to help—and.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
188
It turns out that people who choose to be single are very satisfied with their lives.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
189
In the Jewish religion, mourning for a parent, child, or sibling is a year, but mourning for a spouse is just thirty days. “The rabbis wanted people to move forward,” he said.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
190
Widows continue to face cruel treatment around the world. In some parts of India, widows are cast away by their own families, left to beg to survive.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
191
Still, dating does not erase my grief. All of us in the club understand this. You can miss your spouse and be with someone else,.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
192
“I almost hate to say this, but I am the happiest I have ever been in my life,” she told me. “Sometimes it takes going through something so awful to realize the beauty that is out there in this world. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
193
Brain scans of people in love reveal an intoxicating state of energy and euphoria. After we fall in love, we gain confidence and self-esteem and expand our identities.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
194
If love is the third rail of grief, laughter is equally charged. In the face of death, it feels wildly inappropriate to joke about anything.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
195
Humor can make us more resilient. Surgery patients who watch comedies request 25 percent less pain medication. Soldiers who make jokes deal better with stress. People who laugh naturally six months after losing a spouse cope better. Couples who laugh together are more likely to stay married. Physiologically, humor lowers our heart rate and relaxes our muscles. Evolutionarily, humor is a signal that a situation is safe. Laughter breaks tension by making stressful situations less threatening.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
196
Mel Brooks said he made fun of Hitler and the Nazis because “if you can reduce them to ridicule then you’re way ahead. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
197
One of the most important things I’ve learned is how deeply you can keep loving someone after they die.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
198
Psychologists find that when people are falling in love, even arguments make them more attracted to each other.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
199
The newlyweds who stayed together over the next six years turned toward each other 86 percent of the time, while couples who got divorced turned toward each other only 33 percent. Most of the couples’ fights weren’t about money or sex but about “failed bids for connection. ”.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
200
There were three parties in any relationship: you, the other person, and the relationship itself. The relationship is a meaningful entity that needs to be protected and nurtured.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
201
In the couples whose marriages lasted, instead of escalating negativity, both partners showed humor and affection. They took responsibility for their problems and found ways to compromise. They sent signals that even though they were fighting, at a deeper level, they were okay.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
202
Resilience in love means finding strength from within that you can share with others. Finding a way to make love last through the highs and lows. Finding your own way to love when life does not work out as planned. Finding the hope to love and laugh again when love is cruelly taken from you. And finding a way to hang on to love even when the person you love is gone.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
203
Grief has to unfold.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
204
Tragedy does not have to be personal, pervasive, or permanent, but resilience can be.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
205
Arianna Huffington reminded us that people read not just to learn but to hope.
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
