Communication is the vehicle through which ___ develops within a relationship.
Intimacy.
Intimacy is not just about sex, but is also a sense of ___.
Closeness.
Intimacy is a ___, rather than a ___. This is to say that you cannot just achieve it and just have it.
Process, characteristic.
Intimacy Process Model
Intimacy happens when:
- The partner understands core aspects of his/her self.
- The partner validates and respects these core aspects of self.
- Partner cares for and is concerned for individuals welfare.
___-reflection is a key aspect of intimacy.
Self.
The intimacy process model starts with…
One partner disclosing something.
Disclosures are interpreted using ___ ___.
Interpretive filters.
___ to a disclosure is part of the intimacy process model.
Response.
Are disclosures always good?
No.
Give examples of bad disclosures.
- Too much information too soon.
- Dishonest disclosures.
- Factual disclosures.
Too much information too soon can be ___ ___.
Off-putting.
Dishonest disclosures inhibit intimacy by…
Distorting our identity.
Factual disclosures are…
Not as potent as emotional disclosures for the development of intimacy.
___ emotions are particularly potent for disclosures.
Soft.
Soft Emotions
Fear, shame, things that men are not supposed to feel.
For men, disclosing more…leads to increased feelings of intimacy and closeness.
Empathy towards their partner.
For women…leads to increased feelings of intimacy and closeness.
Partners’ disclosure and empathetic responsiveness.
How do you respond to disclosures?
- Listen to initial disclosure.
- Understand the meaning, both surface level and deeper meanings.
- Enact a sensitive response.
- Know when to transition to a different topic.
Enacting a sensitive response involves…
Clarifying questions that allow the partner to expand on their thoughts.
What does a sensitive response mean to a partner?
Shows them that you care.
We give support the way…
We want to receive it.
What is a key area where miscommunications occur?
Filters.
Key filters in couple relationships:
- Distractions.
- Emotional states.
- Beliefs and expectations.
- Differences in style.
- Self-protection.
Distraction Filter
You would be able to handle the disclosure if you weren’t distracted by everything.
Emotional States Filter
We tend to give people the benefit of the doubt more when we are in a good mood. People with low self-esteem may feel vulnerable when they disclose negative experiences.
Beliefs and Expectations Filter
We often find what we expect in people.
Differences in Style Filter
Influenced by culture, family of origin, etc..
Self-Protection Filter
Motivated by fear of rejection so you don’t say what you really want to say.
Often, miscommunication because of a filter leads to discussions of ___ and ___.
Right, wrong.
You are not perceiving reality. What are you perceiving?
Your perception of reality.
What you say your partner did is a better observation of what…
You did yourself (your own behaviour).
What is the key to dealing with filters?
Learn your and your partners’ filters (awareness) and adjust communication (accommodation).
Being a ___ ___ precedes the ability to effectively communicate.
Good listener.
Listening entails two components:
Verbal and nonverbal.
Active listening involves…
Accurately interpreting information and providing a supportive response.
Components of nonverbal communication:
- Facial expression.
- Eye contact.
- Body movement.
- Touch.
- Interpersonal distance.
- Paralanguage.
___ eye contact leads to better communication.
More.
___ is important especially when dealing with emotional issues.
Touch.
Closer interpersonal distance signifies…
More intimate relationship.
Paralanguage
Vocal tone, rhythm, rate, pitch, volume, etc..
Non-verbal keys to active listening.
- Let the speaker finish without interrupting.
- Concentrate on what they are saying. Stay in the present moment.
- Eye contact, open posture, leaning slightly forward, using gestures to convey interest.
Verbal keys to active listening.
- Ask open=ended of clarifying questions.
- Use paraphrasing (reflect back what you heard in a genuine manner).
- Listen for the purpose of understanding = do not rebut.
