Maintaining Intimate Relationships Flashcards Preview

J - HECOL 210 > Maintaining Intimate Relationships > Flashcards

Flashcards in Maintaining Intimate Relationships Deck (71)
Loading flashcards...
1
Q

When approaching a tender subject, what are some fears that are felt?

A
  • Not understood.
  • Other person won’t listen.
  • Other person will get angry.
  • Might break up.
2
Q

What is the benefit of the Speaker-Listener Technique?

A

Gives a structure for each partner to follow. Allow both people to communicate their own point clearly, and have space to articulate that.

3
Q

What is the goal of the Speaker-Listener Technique?

A

To talk without fighting.

4
Q

Is the Speaker-Listener Technique used for problem solving or conflict resolution?

A

No.

5
Q

The Speaker-Listener Technique builds on the ___ ___ ___.

A

Active listening skill.

6
Q

Which gender is more likely to want to talk about touchy subjects?

A

Females.

7
Q

Which gender is more likely to want to ignore problems?

A

Males.

8
Q

What are the rules for the speaker in the speaker/listener exercise?

A
  • Speak for yourself. Don’t mind read.
  • Don’t go on and on.
  • Stop and let the partner paraphrase.
9
Q

What are the rules for the listener in the speaker/listener exercise?

A
  • Paraphrase what you hear.

- Don’t rebut. Focus on what the speaker is saying.

10
Q

What are the rules for both in the speaker/listener exercise?

A
  • The speaker has the floor.
  • The speaker keeps the floor while the listener paraphrases.
  • Share the floor.
11
Q

Should you always use the speaker/listener exercise?

A

No.

12
Q

What is the biggest criticism of the speaker/listener exercise?

A

Unnatural and awkward.

13
Q

Is natural couple communication good in tough communications?

A

Not necessarily.

14
Q

What does structured communication counteract?

A
  • Escalation.
  • Invalidation.
  • Withdrawal.
  • Negative interpretations.
15
Q

It is useful to have a protocol to navigate ___ subjects.

A

Difficult/tricky.

16
Q

What are some communication killers?

A
  • Flooding.
  • Mind reading.
  • Defensiveness.
  • Frequency hopping.
  • Yes-butting.
  • Belligerence.
17
Q

Flooding

A

Bringing up absolutely everything you can think of when having a discussion.

18
Q

Mind-Reading

A

“I know what you are going to say…”

19
Q

Defensiveness

A

Concentrating on defending yourself rather than on what the other person is saying.

20
Q

Frequency Hopping

A

From topic to topic so quick that no resolution is possible.

21
Q

Yes-Butting

A

Not understanding, only defending.

22
Q

Belligerence

A

“What are you going to do about it?”

23
Q

What are the intrapersonal ways of maintaining intimacy?

A
  • Capitalization.

- Social support.

24
Q

What are the interpersonal ways of maintaining intimacy?

A
  • Forgiveness.
  • Self-expansion.
  • Physical intimacy.
25
Q

Capitalization

A

The sharing of positive events in one’s life.

26
Q

Capitalization is powerful because…

A
  • It allows us to relive the event.
  • See that others are pleased with us.
  • Connects the positive event to the relationship.
27
Q

What is the key in capitalization?

A

The reaction of the partner.

28
Q

Responding in an ___ ___ manner is associated with positive effects to occur from capitalization.

A

Active-construction.

29
Q

Responding passively or destructively ___ goodwill.

A

Erodes.

30
Q

Example of passive-constructive response.

A

Nice job, when does the raise take effect?

31
Q

Example of active-destructive response.

A

Whoa, that’s way better than the last time you went up for a merit raise. Remember how you nearly lost your job?

32
Q

Example of passive-destructive response.

A

I haven’t had a raise in years. Maybe I should look for a new job.

33
Q

Example of active-constructive response.

A

Wow, this is amazing! I am so proud of you and knew that you had it in you! Let’s go celebrate, this is so wonderful.

34
Q

Social Support

A

Responsiveness to another’s needs.

35
Q

Acts that communicate caring, validate other’s worth, feeling, or actions, or that facilitate adaptive coping with problems.

A

Social support.

36
Q

Social support is frequently assumed to be related ___ to relationship satisfaction and stability.

A

Positively.

37
Q

What is the most helpful type of support.

A

Invisible support.

38
Q

Invisible Social Support

A

Support that partners are not aware is given.

39
Q

Give examples of invisible social support.

A
  • Washing a sink full of dishes before your partner sees them.
  • I’m going to make a cup of coffee. Can I get you one, as well?
40
Q

Visible Social Support

A

Support that partners are aware of.

41
Q

Visible social support can be quite costly to…

A

One’s self-esteem.

42
Q

Invisible social support provides partners with the benefit or help without…

A

Causing them to question their abilities.

43
Q

During especially stressful times, we may be a little more ___ ___.

A

Emotionally fragile.

44
Q

Forgiveness is ___ because it is an impossible situation.

A

Powerful.

45
Q

In forgiveness, victims ___ what is done to them, and offenders tend to ___ what they do.

A

Exaggerate, minimize.

46
Q

In forgiveness, the victim must…

A

Cancel a debt that is larger than the one the perpetrator acknowledges.

47
Q

When forgiveness is not present, partners become excellent ___ of each other’s faults.

A

Accountants.

48
Q

Score-Keeping

A

Keeping track of each other’s faults.

49
Q

Ingredients of Forgiveness

A
  • Motivation.

- Behaviour.

50
Q

___ is on the intrapersonal level of forgiveness.

A

Motivation.

51
Q

___ is on the interpersonal level of forgiveness.

A

Behaviour.

52
Q

Which ingredient of forgiveness has to be present in order for full forgiveness?

A

Both (motivation and behaviour).

53
Q

Silent Forgiveness

A

If there is a change in intrapersonal motivation but no change in interpersonal behaviour.

54
Q

Hollow Forgiveness

A

If there is a change in interpersonal behaviour but no change in intrapersonal motivation.

55
Q

Forgiveness is more likely if:

A
  • The transgression was minor.
  • The victim has empathy, agreeableness, and a low level of neuroticism.
  • The transgressor sincerely apologizes.
  • The relationship contains a high level of commitment and satisfaction.
56
Q

Phases of Forgiveness

A
  • Impact (crisis).
  • Meaning.
  • Moving on.
57
Q

Impact (Crisis)

A

The victim absorb what happened and how the transgressor acted.

58
Q

During the impact (crisis) phase, it is important to…

A

Not make things worse.

59
Q

What characterizes the impact (crisis) phase?

A

Confusion, disorientation, anger, hurt, withdrawal.

60
Q

Meaning

A

The victim tries to find an explanation for the transgression.

61
Q

In the meaning phase, the victim develops an explanation which is essential for…

A

Protecting oneself in the future.

62
Q

The explanation found during the meaning phase should be broadened beyond…

A

Black and white characterizations of the offender.

63
Q

Moving On

A

The victim moves past the transgression.

64
Q

What is involved in the moving on phase?

A

Involves acceptance of what happened, does not always equate to remaining in a relationship.

65
Q

Who argued that forgiveness might not always be a good thing?

A

James McNulty.

66
Q

A couples study has suggested that spouses who are less forgiving are ___ likely to re-experience the offence.

A

Less.

67
Q

Forgiveness seems to maintain quality when partners ___ behave badly.

A

Rarely.

68
Q

Physical intimacy is ___ related to relationship satisfaction.

A

Positively.

69
Q

What are 3 possible reasons that physical intimacy is positively related to relationship satisfaction?

A
  • Physical intimacy leads to relationship satisfaction.
  • Relationship satisfaction leads to physical intimacy.
  • Some third variable leads to both.
70
Q

Physical intimacy can help protect against possible detrimental effects of…

A

Poor communication.

71
Q

John Gottman has pointed towards ___ as the key overarching variable responsible for successful romantic relationships.

A

Friendship.