When approaching a tender subject, what are some fears that are felt?
- Not understood.
- Other person won’t listen.
- Other person will get angry.
- Might break up.
What is the benefit of the Speaker-Listener Technique?
Gives a structure for each partner to follow. Allow both people to communicate their own point clearly, and have space to articulate that.
What is the goal of the Speaker-Listener Technique?
To talk without fighting.
Is the Speaker-Listener Technique used for problem solving or conflict resolution?
The Speaker-Listener Technique builds on the ___ ___ ___.
Active listening skill.
Which gender is more likely to want to talk about touchy subjects?
Which gender is more likely to want to ignore problems?
What are the rules for the speaker in the speaker/listener exercise?
- Speak for yourself. Don’t mind read.
- Don’t go on and on.
- Stop and let the partner paraphrase.
What are the rules for the listener in the speaker/listener exercise?
- Paraphrase what you hear.
- Don’t rebut. Focus on what the speaker is saying.
What are the rules for both in the speaker/listener exercise?
- The speaker has the floor.
- The speaker keeps the floor while the listener paraphrases.
- Share the floor.
Should you always use the speaker/listener exercise?
What is the biggest criticism of the speaker/listener exercise?
Unnatural and awkward.
Is natural couple communication good in tough communications?
What does structured communication counteract?
- Negative interpretations.
It is useful to have a protocol to navigate ___ subjects.
What are some communication killers?
- Mind reading.
- Frequency hopping.
Bringing up absolutely everything you can think of when having a discussion.
“I know what you are going to say…”
Concentrating on defending yourself rather than on what the other person is saying.
From topic to topic so quick that no resolution is possible.
Not understanding, only defending.
“What are you going to do about it?”
What are the intrapersonal ways of maintaining intimacy?
- Social support.
What are the interpersonal ways of maintaining intimacy?
- Physical intimacy.
The sharing of positive events in one’s life.
Capitalization is powerful because…
- It allows us to relive the event.
- See that others are pleased with us.
- Connects the positive event to the relationship.
What is the key in capitalization?
The reaction of the partner.
Responding in an ___ ___ manner is associated with positive effects to occur from capitalization.
Responding passively or destructively ___ goodwill.
Example of passive-constructive response.
Nice job, when does the raise take effect?
Example of active-destructive response.
Whoa, that’s way better than the last time you went up for a merit raise. Remember how you nearly lost your job?
Example of passive-destructive response.
I haven’t had a raise in years. Maybe I should look for a new job.
Example of active-constructive response.
Wow, this is amazing! I am so proud of you and knew that you had it in you! Let’s go celebrate, this is so wonderful.
Responsiveness to another’s needs.
Acts that communicate caring, validate other’s worth, feeling, or actions, or that facilitate adaptive coping with problems.
Social support is frequently assumed to be related ___ to relationship satisfaction and stability.
What is the most helpful type of support.
Invisible Social Support
Support that partners are not aware is given.
Give examples of invisible social support.
- Washing a sink full of dishes before your partner sees them.
- I’m going to make a cup of coffee. Can I get you one, as well?
Visible Social Support
Support that partners are aware of.
Visible social support can be quite costly to…
Invisible social support provides partners with the benefit or help without…
Causing them to question their abilities.
During especially stressful times, we may be a little more ___ ___.
Forgiveness is ___ because it is an impossible situation.
In forgiveness, victims ___ what is done to them, and offenders tend to ___ what they do.
In forgiveness, the victim must…
Cancel a debt that is larger than the one the perpetrator acknowledges.
When forgiveness is not present, partners become excellent ___ of each other’s faults.
Keeping track of each other’s faults.
Ingredients of Forgiveness
___ is on the intrapersonal level of forgiveness.
___ is on the interpersonal level of forgiveness.
Which ingredient of forgiveness has to be present in order for full forgiveness?
Both (motivation and behaviour).
If there is a change in intrapersonal motivation but no change in interpersonal behaviour.
If there is a change in interpersonal behaviour but no change in intrapersonal motivation.
Forgiveness is more likely if:
- The transgression was minor.
- The victim has empathy, agreeableness, and a low level of neuroticism.
- The transgressor sincerely apologizes.
- The relationship contains a high level of commitment and satisfaction.
Phases of Forgiveness
- Impact (crisis).
- Moving on.
The victim absorb what happened and how the transgressor acted.
During the impact (crisis) phase, it is important to…
Not make things worse.
What characterizes the impact (crisis) phase?
Confusion, disorientation, anger, hurt, withdrawal.
The victim tries to find an explanation for the transgression.
In the meaning phase, the victim develops an explanation which is essential for…
Protecting oneself in the future.
The explanation found during the meaning phase should be broadened beyond…
Black and white characterizations of the offender.
The victim moves past the transgression.
What is involved in the moving on phase?
Involves acceptance of what happened, does not always equate to remaining in a relationship.
Who argued that forgiveness might not always be a good thing?
A couples study has suggested that spouses who are less forgiving are ___ likely to re-experience the offence.
Forgiveness seems to maintain quality when partners ___ behave badly.
Physical intimacy is ___ related to relationship satisfaction.
What are 3 possible reasons that physical intimacy is positively related to relationship satisfaction?
- Physical intimacy leads to relationship satisfaction.
- Relationship satisfaction leads to physical intimacy.
- Some third variable leads to both.
Physical intimacy can help protect against possible detrimental effects of…
John Gottman has pointed towards ___ as the key overarching variable responsible for successful romantic relationships.