To understand couple functioning, it is important to recognize couples are comprised of…
Two individuals.
Personality
The characteristics that make you who you are distinct from everyone else.
Personality is ___ over time.
Stable.
Personality is ___ across situations.
Consistent.
Personality is internal ___ for the individual.
Coherence.
Key features of personality:
- Stable over time.
- Consistent across situations.
- Internal coherence for the individual.
Big 5 Personality Traits:
- Neuroticism.
- Extraversion.
- Openness.
- Agreeableness.
- Conscientiousness.
Which is the most important Big 5 Personality Trait for predicting relationship quality?
Neuroticism.
Observing neurotic behaviours in children as young as 3 years old predicts…
Lower relationship quality as adults.
People with higher neuroticism interpret their partner’s behaviours more ___.
Negatively.
Temper tantrums, anxious, mood swings, restless, impulsive are signs of…
Neuroticism in young people.
Interpretations by those who are neurotic are ___ and ___ over time.
Stable, rigid.
Are effects of neuroticism different when both partners are neurotic as opposed to just one?
No, it is the same.
Interactions in problem solving are more ___ with higher neuroticism.
Negative.
One aspect of negative affectivity is ___ ___.
Self-esteem.
Self-esteem typically ___ through adolescence.
Raises.
Can self-esteem change?
Yes.
Those with high self-esteem will always have higher self-esteem than those with low self-esteem. True or false?
True.
Self-esteem tends to have ___ ___ stability over time.
Rank-order.
Dependency Regulation Model.
- Personal experience of self esteem.
- Leads individuals to underestimate partner’s positive feelings for them.
- Causes them to devalue the partner, feel hurt and neglected, and to express discontent.
- Leads them to be pessimistic and unsatisfied. Further reinforces (1).
Do people have intraindividual growth in self-esteem?
Yes.
Those who have low self-worth may have a self-fulfilling ___.
Prophecy.
What is one way to mitigate the negative impact of neuroticism on a romantic relationship?
Have lots of sex.
Sexual intercourse releases ___ and ___, which both makes you feel good.
Oxytocin, opioids.
When couples engage in frequent sex, the relationship between ___ and ___ in the relationship is not significant.
Neuroticism, happiness.
Can your behaviour change your experience in your romantic relationships?
Yes.
What levels of religiosity destabilizes relationships?
Differing levels.
What are the two forces in all relationships?
Individuality and togetherness.
Differentiation is the process through which one manages ___ and ___.
Individuality and togetherness.
Characteristics of well-differntiated people:
- Maintain one’s own identity when faced with pressure for togetherness.
- Maintain emotional connection while holding unique beliefs, values, and opinions.
How is the differentiation of self similar to a cell?
Must work in harmony without becoming the same as one another.
Solid Self
- Understanding of self comes from within.
- Acceptance of self comes from within.
- Ability to tolerate differences.
Pseudo Self
- Beliefs, values, and opinions come from the population at large or are adopted from others.
- Looks to others for validation of self worth.
- Differences cannot be tolerated because they represent a threat to self.
Is Emmett from the Lego Movie well differentiated?
No.
Those not well-differentiated…
Manage individuality and togetherness in extreme ways.
Extreme Individuality
Cut off: holds own beliefs, values, and opinions but cannot maintain connection with those that do not hold the same beliefs, values, and opinions.
Extreme Togetherness
Sacrifices own sense of self to maintain connection, at all costs. Enmeshment.
Enmeshment
Emotional system is shared between multiple people.
High Differentiation
Individual is sure of his/her beliefs, convictions, and self-assessment.
Can those with high differentiation accept new beliefs?
Yes, but they are capable of hearing others’ views and discarding old beliefs in favor of new ones.
Listening without reacting, tolerating intense feelings, and not acting automatically to alleviate them are characteristic of people with…
High differentiation.
Highly differentiated people do not ___ their partners.
Need.
Highly differentiated people do not need their partners. What are the implications of this?
You are in a relationship because you want to, not because you need to.
Those with high differentiation are able to manage their own emotions, so they are…
Not scared of conflict.
Differences represent a threat to relational ___.
Stability.
People with low differentiation cannot handle this anxiety and either…
Adopts the others’ view to stabilize or terminate the relationship.
Highly differentiated people are able to tolerate…
Pain for growth.
Tolerating pain for growth is an avenue through which to…
Create greater intimacy within a relationship.
Differentiation tends to be ___, but can be ___.
Stable, changed.
People are highly driven by ___.
Inertia.
The context of ___ ___ is the best environment to become more differentiated.
Intimate relationship.
Commitment to partner provides ___ for discomfort to be more tolerable.
Stability.
Intimate partners tend to know each other best, providing an ___ to challenge and expect growth.
Expert.
Effective communication and problem-solving skills provide a solid foundation to allow ___ to be confronted?
Differences.
Deeper intimacy is a potent motivator for…
Increasing differentiation.
4 Points of Balance
- Solid flexible self.
- Quiet mind-calm heart.
- Grounded responding.
- Meaningful endurance.
Solid Flexible Self
The ability to be clear about who you are and what you are about.
Solid Flexible Self lets you maintain your own psychological ___ in close proximity with important others.
Shape.
You don’t have to keep your distance (physically or emotionally) to stay clear about who you are. This is a characteristic of…
Solid Flexible Self.
Quiet Mind-Calm Heart
Allows you to regulate your own emotions, feelings, and anxieties.
Self Soothing
Your ability to calm yourself down, soothe your own hurt feelings, and keep your fears and anxieties under control.
Grounded Responding
The ability to stay calm and not overreact, rather than creating distance and withdrawing when your (partner, colleague, friend) gets anxious or upset.
Meaningful Endurance
Being able to step up and face the issues that bedevil you and your relationships, and the ability to tolerate discomfort for the sake of growth.
