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J - HECOL 210 > Conflict Resolution > Flashcards

Flashcards in Conflict Resolution Deck (96)
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1
Q

Lewin’s definition of conflict:

A

Conflict is competing goals.

2
Q

When is conflict more likely?

A

When people are highly interdependent and have frequent contact.

3
Q

Daily Diary Study

A

Gave 100 couples a survey they completed every day. Had them report all of the conflict they engaged in. Couples experience a lot of conflict.

4
Q

What do couples display conflict most about?

A

Kids.

5
Q

What is the key theory in studying conflict?

A

Social learning theory.

6
Q

What is the key to verbal conflict?

A

Knowing how to disagree.

7
Q

___ determine the quality of the relationship.

A

Interactions.

8
Q

Who studied through observation of couple’s disagreements, with coding of their behaviour?

A

John Gottman.

9
Q

Observational Coding

A

Deciding what to code.

10
Q

Examples of non-verbal content in observational content.

A
  • Husband putting arm around wife.

- Attentiveness.

11
Q

Examples of sequencing in observational content.

A

One person talks for a long time, then the other person responds with a 5 second response.

12
Q

Microanalytic Coding

A

Going moment by moment through interactions.

13
Q

Global Coding

A

Looking at the conversation overall.

14
Q

Problem with observational coding.

A

Difficulty to get reliability.

15
Q

Why is it difficult to get reliability in observational coding?

A

People do not agree on what they are seeing. For example, sarcasm can be mean or funny.

16
Q

John Gottman’s model of marital interaction is called…

A

The Structural Model of Marital Interaction.

17
Q

The Structural Model of Marital Interaction

A
  • Unhappy couples engage in more negative behaviour than positive behaviour.
  • Unhappy couple’s interactions are high predictable.
  • Unhappy couples get stuck in cycles of negative reciprocity.
  • Additional nuances.
18
Q

Do happy couples also engage in negative behaviour as well?

A

Yes.

19
Q

Why are unhappy couples more bothered by negative behaviour?

A

Because negative behaviour is accompanied with negative affect.

20
Q

Unhappy couple’s behaviours are somewhat predictable. True or false?

A

False, they are highly predictable.

21
Q

Unhappy couples get stuck in cycles of ___ ___.

A

Negative reciprocity.

22
Q

___ couples get out of cycles of negative reciprocity earlier.

A

Happy.

23
Q

What are characteristics of unhappy couples?

A

Kitchen sinking (flooding), self-summarizing, presumptive attributions (mindreading), cross-complaining, prescription.

24
Q

Self-Summarizing

A
  • What I’m trying to say is…

- Don’t feel like they’re understood.

25
Q

Who do individuals in happy relationships summarize?

A

The other (not self).

26
Q

Cross-Complaining

A

One person complains about dirty laundry on the floor, while the other partner complains about dirty dishes on the counter. Respond to complaint with complaint.

27
Q

Prescription

A
  • Telling the partner what they need to do in the relationship.
  • “Don’t work on weekends.”
28
Q

Demand/Withdraw Cycle

A

When one partner wants a change and pushes the other for discussion on the topic; the other partner does not respond.

29
Q

Demand/withdraw cycles are more likely concerning topics where ___ are the ones who want change.

A

Women.

30
Q

Demand/withdraw cycles are more likely among people who…

A

Want more change than their partners.

31
Q

Men are more likely to ___ in the demand/withdraw cycle.

A

Withdraw.

32
Q

Cognitive Editing

A

Happy couples tend to view each other’s behaviours in a more positive light than unhappy couples do.

33
Q

Reactivity Hypothesis

A

Unhappy couples tend to be vigilant for negative behaviours and tend to respond in kind.

34
Q

The reactivity hypothesis says that if you look for ___ ___, you most likely will find them.

A

Negative behaviours.

35
Q

Because relationships are not black and white, you will most likely find…

A

What you are looking for.

36
Q

Relationship stability influences conflict. True or false?

A

False, relationship quality influences conflict.

37
Q

Conflict behaviour is related to relationship ___.

A

Dissatisfaction.

38
Q

Does dissatisfaction lead to differences in behaviour, or do differences in behaviour lead to dissatisfaction?

A

Behaviours predict changes in satisfaction, especially when positive affect is low.

39
Q

If people handle conflict poorly, but use … it is not as negative.

A

Humour, affection, and interest in the other person during the process.

40
Q

Couples who are ___ will experience faster declines in marital quality.

A

Negative.

41
Q

___ ___ can override the effects of negative content/skills during conflict using humour, interest, and affection.

A

Positive emotion.

42
Q

Conflict produces a ___ reaction in our bodies.

A

Physiological.

43
Q

What are some physiological reactions to conflict?

A
  • Adrenaline through circulatory system.
  • Heart races.
  • Pulse increases.
  • Emotion floods brain.
  • Body temperature increases.
44
Q

When physiological reactions were high in couples 10 years ago, they remained ___ 10 years later.

A

High.

45
Q

Adrenaline is related to which hormone?

A

Epinephrine.

46
Q

Amygdala becomes ___ under adrenaline.

A

Hyperactivated.

47
Q

If you are physiologically affected by conflict, you cannot ___.

A

Progress.

48
Q

What should you do to counter physiological reactions to conflict?

A

Take a break.

49
Q

What is a good indicator that you need to take a break?

A

When the heartbeat is over 100 beats per minute.

50
Q

What does taking a break mean?

A

30 minutes of focused relaxation in order to return to a calm state.

51
Q

What do you do during a break?

A
  • Sooth yourself.
  • Relaxation techniques.
  • Listen to soft music.
  • Yoga.
52
Q

What do you not do during a break?

A
  • Engage in thinking about the conflict.

- Ruminate about the conflict.

53
Q

Why don’t couples take breaks?

A

Fear that if we stop talking about this, we will never talk about it again.

54
Q

Professor Johnson recommends that we ___ ___ ___ to reduce the anxiety in couples about taking a break.

A

Set a timer.

55
Q

Time-outs must be negotiated when?

A

Ahead of time, not when the conflict has already escalated.

56
Q

What are rules for taking a time out?

A
  • Use “I” or “we,” not “you.”
  • Set a specific time to deal with the issue later.
  • Wait 30 minutes, but less than 24 hours.
  • Use a safe way to communicate so you stay calm.
  • Keep in mind what is really behind the anger - hurt feelings.
57
Q

True or false? It is effective to take a break for a day or so to collect your thoughts when facing conflict.

A

False, the break must be for less than 24 hours.

58
Q

The basic framework for problem solving involves starting with ___ ___ before moving to ___ ___.

A

Problem talk, problem solving.

59
Q

Problem Talk

A

Identifying what the problem is.

60
Q

Example of problem talk.

A

You may be angry that the partner left a sink full of dishes, but the broad problem might be that your partner is not contributing enough around the house and you feel disrespected by being treated like a maid.

61
Q

What is a technique that can be used to unearth broader issues in problem talk?

A

The speaker-listener technique.

62
Q

Important hidden issues in relationships that we are reactive to.

A
  • Control and power.
  • Caring.
  • Recognition.
  • Commitment.
  • Integrity.
  • Acceptance.
63
Q

We do not often talk about the ___ problems that lead to conflict.

A

Broader.

64
Q

2 types of problems in relationships:

A
  • Perpetual.

- Solvable.

65
Q

Perpetual problems make up __% of all problems.

A

69.

66
Q

Perpetual Problems

A

There are differences that will always be present and you will deal with over and over again.

67
Q

Examples of perpetual problems.

A
  • One person wants sex more frequently.
  • One partner doesn’t do his or her share of chores.
  • Differences in religious beliefs.
  • Differences in parenting styles.
68
Q

Solvable Problems

A

Things that pop up throughout relationships that are able to have a resolution.

69
Q

If you have a perpetual problem with your partner, your relationship is doomed. True or false?

A

False.

70
Q

What is the basic goal for all conflict?

A

Communicate basic acceptance and understanding of your partner as a human being.

71
Q

Why is communication of basic acceptance and understanding so important?

A
  • We are much more likely to take advice from someone we think understands us.
  • If we feel judged, misunderstood, or rejected by the other person, a successful outcome is unlikely.
72
Q

___ is the backbone to resolving conflict.

A

Friendship.

73
Q

When conflict starts, it is important to get off on the right foot. This is called…

A

Softening your startup.

74
Q

In good or bad relationships, 87% of the time ___ tend to bring up issues far more often than ___ do.

A

Women, men.

75
Q

___ and ___ is important when considering when to bring up issues.

A

Context, timing.

76
Q

Why is softening the startup important?

A

Because conflicts typically end the same way they began.

77
Q

Bringing up a problem when drinking is a good idea. True or false?

A

False.

78
Q

Be ___, ___, and ___ when bringing up problems.

A

Descriptive, clear, specific.

79
Q

Which gender becomes flooded easier?

A

Men (waffles). Women (spaghetti) are not as easily overwhelmed.

80
Q

Is it good to store up problems?

A

No.

81
Q

One of these is ok to do, while the other is not: Complain, Blame.

A

It is ok to complain, but not to blame.

82
Q

Is it good to focus on your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions?

A

No, you should say “I feel,” not “you have been.”

83
Q

Repair Attempts

A

Equivalents to putting the brakes on when things start heading the direction you don’t want.

84
Q

It is important to learn to both ___ and ___ repair attempts.

A

Make, receive.

85
Q

Repair attempts works more often in ___ relationships.

A

Happy.

86
Q

When do you use repair attempts?

A

When emotions start to escalate.

87
Q

If things escalate despite repair attempts, what should you do?

A

Take time out.

88
Q

In an intimate and loving relationship, compromise is the best outcome because…

A

It’s not worth it for you to win at the expense of the other person losing.

89
Q

It is easier to compromise when you identify…

A

Areas of agreement.

90
Q

When compromising, it is important to be ___ in the solution so each person recognizes the changes.

A

Specific.

91
Q

Compromising requires acceptance that each other is not ___.

A

Perfect.

92
Q

Being specific in compromise allows…

A

Changes to be seen.

93
Q

After a conflict is over, it is important to move past the conflict. True or false?

A

False, it is important to take time to process the experience.

94
Q

What should you do in processing the conflict?

A
  • Seek to understand what ignited the conflict.
  • Why that issue is so volatile.
  • What you will do differently next time.
95
Q

With many perpetual areas of conflict, there is often some underlying ___ or ___ ___ that is at odds for each partner.

A

Dream, core value.

96
Q

Example of perpetual area of conflict.

A

Extended family during holidays.